Full Of Hope and Joy

All done.

2011-07-30T00:40:00.000+01:00

Nice new design, all done and dusted.
I may get round to posting something written at some point.

Redesign time again.

2011-07-22T00:52:00.000+01:00

If you happened upon this website, and wondered to yourself why it looks so disorganised? I have been doing a spot of redecoration. Things are in the wrong places, and it just doesn't look quite right. Normal service shall resume shortly. Thankyou.

Oh. Where has the time gone?

2011-05-01T02:15:00.001+01:00

I really (yet again), have no idea where time has gone. After starting the course last September, I have hardly had five minutes to myself (that's how it seems anyway), and as a result, things that I would have thought about doing, have been pushed aside or forgotten, in favour of course work, reading for the course or other similar course based pursuits. In the six months since September, I haven't picked up a single book for pleasure, and to be honest I feel quite sad about that. Reading for me once was an escape of sorts, something to relax with. Now, although I find what I am reading incredibly fascinating, and leaves me wanting to find out more; the simple joy of relaxing with a good novel has gone.
Although I am not complaining too much really. After all , it was me who chose to do it after-all. The first term was study skills, sounds a bit babyish perhaps, but I think it was essential. I wouldn't have had the first idea where to start writing academically unless we had done this first. (Doesn't mean I completely remembered what we were taught into the second term tho' (tut tut)). Term two was incredible fun, studying the varied Christian spiritualities. From the Desert Fathers, through to modern Celtic Christian spirituality and everything on between. For our work we had to choose one spirituality in particular, demonstrate our understanding of it by a written work, and to write an Ash Wednesday liturgy in the style of our chosen spirituality (I chose Celtic in a hybrid of modern with a bit of ancient).
Starting last term and continuing next we are required to do an individual study for the one module. I had no idea what to do for a long time, but in the end settled on the Rural Church and the Role it Plays in Rural Communities. I haven't done anywhere near as much work on it as I should yet, and need to get a move on with it, before next term starts.
Next terms study is Connecting beyond the Church. I think that's what it is titled anyway. Should be fun. Problem is, I am constantly being distracted by my family, who the second they see me on the computer decide they need something doing. Or they decide to put the tv on loudly. Peace and quiet where I live is non existent. The only time I have found where I can guarantee peace has been between about midnight and five in the morning. Not a particularly healthy way to go on, when I also have work to go to, meet up with my mum, shopping, cooking and everything else. By the end of each term I was utterly knackered to put it not so politely. The net result of my lack of sleep and almost constant daytime distractions, led me at the end of each term to really consider giving up. But I have been convinced otherwise by others. Trouble is I really am enjoying it so much. I don't want to give up. But we'll see how I get on with it the last term. Better to complete a year and leave, than to go part way through.
My post appears to have turned into a total whinge fest, so I will sign off for now, and hopefully post again soon. Plus I need to sleep.
Ttfn.

- Posted using BlogPress

Long time no see

2010-09-20T22:32:00.000+01:00

Wow. Such a long long time since I last posted. time has flown away at a rate of knots since I last posted on here. So, what has been happening I hear you ask? Well not much, and quite a lot all at the same time.
Last time I posted, it was Easter Day, and I spoke about having a chat with the vicar, and finding someone to talk to about how I felt.
Well, I had a chat with the vicar, I was desperate to know what he thought, whether he could see it in me (being a vicar that is). After a talk for about an hour he did say he thought perhaps he could see something, which to my ears was like pure aural gold. Nothing could have sounded sweeter. Only thing was, I wasn't sure if it was the right time to be going anywhere with it, and was concerned that perhaps I was mistaking things. I hoped against hope that I wasn't, but needed to be sure. So a visit to a vocations advisor was suggested, to have a general chat about vocations in general.
The time came. She had asked me to write about my journey so far and why I felt the way I did, so off I went armed with a rather larger than I think she expected essay. She knew in advance how I felt, but needed to talk about vocations in general, hence my visiting her. Anyway in I go. Less than half an hour later, I am stood outside feeling downright upset and quite miserable and insulted to boot. From just 15 minuted she was trying to get me gone, after saying I was still a child as far as "The Church" was concerned, and how could someone like me dare to imagine that I could serve the church, that there was a place in the church for someone like me? Which I suppose she may have had a point with regards the first point, as I had only returned for just under a year and a half at that point. But she also said to me that I was nowhere near academic enough to study, and wouldn't be able to cope, even with reader training, which I would have accepted if she had been right, or had something on which to base her comments. But she said that within a few minutes of me meeting her, with no prior knowledge of my background, my history or my education, and I would still love to know how she felt she could jump to so wild a conclusion. That hurt, as I have always considered myself an intelligent person. Eventually after about 20 minutes I could stall her no longer and I was being sent on my way. Her parting words were not to come back for at least 18 months, oh and don't talk to the vicar about it in that time either!
Why???? Maybe I could understand being told to go away for a year and a half, but why cant I talk to the vicar. Did I have the word "thicko" tattooed across my forehead, perhaps it said "nutter, steer clear" instead?
I was so upset and confused after the meeting I didn't know what to do. I thought I had gone there for a general chat,but instead... well.
I had a really good think going over and over in my mind why she may have said and did what she did and eventually because I was hurting so much from being summarily dismissed, I came to the conclusion that really, I was infact utterly deluded, the vicar had only been kind to me, but really thought me totally unsuitable, and had sent me off to see her so I would get the message. I was in such a bad way, and it took me months literally to try to get over how much I had been hurt.
The Sunday following, at church, I decided to tell the vicar that I had seen her and that she had told me to go away, perhaps I shouldn't have done, but I told him some of what she said, including not talking to him. I suppose really I shouldn't have done, but I was so angry and upset at the time, that quite frankly I didn't care what she had said regarding that. The vicars reaction was not one I expected, I genuinely thought he would say it was for the best, or to give it time, but he was furious, at that point I regretted saying anything, I didn't want to upset him. He said that she had no right to behave like that, and he was fed up of hearing about the way she treated people (apparently I wasn't the only one upset with her), he said he would have to do something, and I asked him not to. My intention was not to cause trouble when I told him.
I don't know whether the vicar did do anything I have never had the courage to ask him since. What she said, and her attitude towards me led me to believe that the whole church was the same, and I wanted nothing to do with it for quite some time. I didn't stop going though, I couldn't have done that. But I wasn't in the best of minds with regards to it all. It is only in the last couple of weeks that I feel I am returning to normal. Hence why I have not posted in all this time. the result was that I could not ever imagine someone like me becoming a vicar, so on one hand it was there in my heart the whole time, never leaving, and on the other I was trying to convince myself how utterly deluded I was. I was not in a good place and I very nearly succeeded. It hurt, hurt like hell and it was so lonely. I felt that I couldn't talk to anyone, especially not the vicar, as I really thought that he would tell me I was being pathetic. For a time, I genuinely thought that God had left me. I felt empty, spare and worthless. I have no idea why I let what one person said get to me so much. No idea at all.
Anyway. The person I spoke of in my last post, has become a good friend, and we regularly meet up after church on the Sunday evening for chats. We have started a bible study group on Wednesdays too, It started out as a prayer group, but somewhere along the way it seemed to work better as a Bible study group, so we stuck with what worked.
And as of last Saturday we started a course run by the diocese in partnership with Worcester university, a certificate of higher education in education and Christian discipleship. It is a two year course, done part time, and is equivalent to the first year of a degree. The course is a mixture of academic and hands on stuff, and for the first time in a long time I feel optimistic about the future.
I know it may appear as though I am only doing it to prove the vocations adviser wrong, but, I can assure you I am not. I am doing the course because it feels right. Nor am I under any illusions that it may further my chances of becoming a vicar, as I realise it will not, and I am not doing it for that reason.
So, there, I am up to date. Will probably keep updated from now on again, say how the course is going, and if or when I decide to talk about vocations with anyone again.

He Is Risen

2010-04-04T21:42:00.003+01:00

Happy Easter one and all.

Have had a good few days since I last posted, well, weeks really, since I last posted a proper post type post. Anyway. This week has been busy one way or another, have been at work all week, and had church most evenings, which has been lovely. On Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we had shared services with the neighbouring United Reformed Church. Each evening we had a talk, given by the vicar, and compline (Monday and Tuesday) and an evening of Iona community type prayer at the URC church on the Wednesday. It was great to go to another church for an evening. On the Maundy Thursday evening there was another talk, followed by a foot-washing, then communion. Several people went up to get their feet washed, and watching the vicar doing it was really moving in a way, more-so than I thought it would be (never having been to a Maundy Thursday service before), and at one point, one lady whose feet the vicar washed, then got the vicar to sit down, and washed his feet.

Unfortunately, I was required to work on Good Friday, so missed the services then, but was able to go to the Easter Vigil on Saturday night. I think that of all the services I have been to, through this last year or so since I returned to The Church, the Easter Vigil is my favourite. Starting out in the church , in silence and with no light, then lighting the fire outside, then the Paschal candle from the fire, and processing back into church. Then as the candle is processed down the church all the candles being lit, and spreading light as it goes, is, I think, as close to magic as it is possible to get.

When we were all sat in the darkness and silence at the beginning, dusk was falling outside, and as such, all the birds were singing, as I closed my eyes to think, it was almost as if I was in front of the tomb, waiting and expectant, everything silent and still before dawn, and the birds singing it was like they were sat in trees and bushes there singing before the dawn and the start of a new day. It was really wonderful.

The seven readings were given by candlelight, and when the vicar came down to read the Gospel, with the incense billowing (and boy did it billow) and everyones face lit by the candles with the smoke wreathing around, you could be anywhere in time. Lovely. We also were able to renew our baptism vows ourselves by going up and dipping our fingers in the water and putting a cross on our foreheads with it. Again I found that incredibly moving, whether it was because I still had the memory of being baptised very recently in my head, or what, I don't know, but when it dipped my fingers in I was surprised by the fact that it was so warm, fully expecting it to be cold, the only thing I could think of was that it was like blood, which I suppose, in one manner it was. When I went and returned to my seat, I really had to stop and have a good think about it. Then we had communion, and it reminded me of the first time I took communion, after I had been baptised and confirmed in January. Lent and Easter have really made me think about things this year, but I think that that it is supposed to do that, so I shouldn't really be too surprised.

As we walked out from the church, somewhere close by began letting off fireworks and put on a wonderful display. I don't know whether another church was using them to celebrate Easter I don't know, but they seemed very fitting at the time.

One thing that I couldn't quite understand was how few people had gone to it, 20 I think, including the vicar etc. During the week at the services there had been at least twice as many, with different ones coming on different evenings, whether the word vigil put them off, I'm not sure, although I know whenever I hear the word otherwise, it does make me think of a bedside vigil, a very sombre and sad affair, nothing like the service at all. Never mind.

On to today now. As I was working this morning I missed the service at town church, but went to the evening Easter service at the country church. The church was much fuller than usual, which wasn't unexpected. Another really lovely service, and yet again moving. One man stood up to read from Acts 10.34 -43 but he couldn't contain his emotions and said the last few sentences with tears running down his face and trying so hard not to break down, he was so moved by the words he was reading. It was almost more than the rest of us could do to not cry. The rest of the service passed, and it was time to go home.

I cant remember whether I had mentioned or not about the fact that I was really uncertain about what I should be doing, or rather I did more or less know, just that I wasn't really willing to trust and have faith. Well finally I plucked up enough courage to ask the vicar whether it would be possible to have another talk with him about things, try to make sense of it a bit, and explain myself a little more. When I spoke to him last June, I still wasn't certain what the heck was going on really, and while I still don't have much of a clue to it all, it seems to make a bit more sense, and I think I am able to explain myself, or how I feel. I think I know myself a bit better too, which I hope is a good thing. Anyway I rang the vicar up on Maundy Thursday and asked if it would be possible to have a chat yes he said, what about today? It must have been about four in the afternoon when I rang, with a service at 7:30, and me not finishing work till seven, I didn't think that was going to be possible, but how sweet that he was willing to at such short notice. He is away on holiday for a week now, and he said to remind him about it, so will talk in a couple of weeks. Which I look forward to.

The other thing I had been struggling with was that however wonderful and lovely, kind and patient MLO has been with me, when I have been talking to him about how I feel, and trying to put into words something that sometimes seems impossible to put into words, I really felt that I needed to talk to someone who felt the same, someone who felt that they may have been called to become a vicar. It was really getting at me, I just wanted to discuss with someone the way I felt and listen to how they felt, maybe get some sort of a gauge as to what was normal, for them anyway, and if it in anyway resembled how I felt. I had been praying about it for a while, and said to MLO several times that it was getting to me. Then a woman who had been to a couple of the confirmation classes with the rest of us, who usually goes to the morning church, started to come to the evening church, and last week we got talking after the service, and somehow ended up discovering that she also wanted to be a vicar, somehow she then also worked out that I did also. Spoke again for an hour after church tonight about things. So, one ecstatically happy bunny here, have arranged to have a real good talk next Sunday after church, really looking forward to it.

Must go now, getting very late, and cold in the study, so night night, and once again

HAPPY EASTER

A poem from two days ago

2010-03-22T20:55:00.000Z

A poem I wrote a couple of days ago. Not sure why I decided to post it on here, but here it is. Hope you like. Not sure if I am referring to anyone specific in it, but if it is anyone, then it is probably a bit of me, as much as anyone.

I see sheep in the air with stars in their eyes
Closing their ears to the worlds anguished cries.
I see wheat in the fields while hungry bones stare
And I see blind hands grabbing money - they can't see how to care.
While dry tears fall down a hunger dulled skin,
There's a stadium of cannibals cheering the win.
And an old lonely widow stares at the dirt on the wall,
While the whole world outside sits debating its call.
I'm rich therefore I am - bawl the majority vote
I'm safe and warm in my castle - see, I've a bloody big moat,
Nothing gets in, but I'll still throw my shit out
Ten points if it hits, "Did you hear someone shout?".
There's a world out there loved by the God they despise,
Blamed for their woes "Never hearing our cries".
"Religion's at fault, it's the thorn in our side."
But failing to see the rainforests in their eyes.
There's a climate of fear - the world's getting hotter
Mother natures packed her bags- "Quick somebody stop her".
But it's too late for that, see mankind has moved in.
I'll save the world - but where to begin?"
"Where's God when you need him in all of this mess?"
"It can't be our fault, we've all done our best"
"Well, the proof's in the pudding, if God exists,"
"He'll come down from heaven and slap all our wrists"
But when that doesn't happen, you say "Life, how unfair!"
"It would be far better for me, if He really was there".
"I can't have a new stereo, fridge or TV",
"You see, where God is concerned, it's all about me".
So when the job doesn't happen, you're not as rich as you'd like
And the love you once shared turns to a sense of dislike,
When all that you'd wished for, doesn't come true,
Well there's no room for God, 'cause it's all about you

Another poem

2010-03-22T20:48:00.001Z

"No way " said I
To one who cried
the mantra
"Wait,"
For I knew more than he
So I believed

"No way" said I
to one who cried
in tear stained notes
of agony
And wept. And I
declared "I know!"
So, I believed

"No way" said I
to the one who cried
"You doubt in me?"
"But why?"
The looked at me
with purest love and humility.
So I believed.

Alpha course, lack of faith and Lazarus

2010-03-01T17:13:00.002Z

Back again.
So, what have I been up to since I last blogged? Rather a lot as it happens. I had just been baptised and confirmed last I posted and I still find myself thinking "Oooh, wow" about it every now and then.
Work and everyday life are much the same as usual, so nothing to write about there really, but to my own amazement, I have started the Alpha course at the town church.
I had always viewed the Alpha course through internet rumour tinted glasses (speaking from hindsight here), and after reading countless reviews of how it was nothing to do with Christianity, or if it was, all it encouraged you to do was roll about on the floor barking like a dog, and making out it was the Holy Spirit responsible, I am glad to say that so far, it is nothing like that at all, and I am really rather enjoying it.
There are seven of us doing the course which is great, not too many to be impersonal, and not too few to not get a few different viewpoints. One on the course did the confirmation course and was confirmed at the same time as me, so someone I knew already, with the vicar leading the group.
Before I went, I was very dubious about the whole thing indeed, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that if it really was that bad, I could leave at any time, but would never really know until I went.
I was very pleasantly surprised. The best thing about it, apart from the lovely meal before hand, is the ability to talk about everything, without worrying about whether who we talk to thinks that we are either thick, or a bit nutty, and also being able to listen to other people talk about their faith, life and relationship with God. Many times I have thought to myself "that's it" because I had never thought of something in the way the other person had. I have found being able to talk about my faith with MLO much easier too, practice makes perfect in that respect I guess.
Have been to seven of the sessions now, and have four left, I think.

Something else has been going on, whether it is linked with my going to Alpha or not, I am not sure, it may do and then again, may not. I have started to ask myself whether my faith is really what I think it is - if that make sense. What I think I mean is, whether it is all that strong, and whether I really trust in God with my whole heart or not. I have been thinking more and more about it the past few weeks, and have come to the conclusion that I had kidded myself about how strong it was/is, so basically I really wasn't trusting in God with my whole heart. I was at work one afternoon, and had some quiet time to myself, so was having a good think. At the time I was pretty much beating myself up, convincing myself that no matter how hard I tried, or what I did, it would never be good enough, that I was rather useless in fact. I couldn't get my head round the simple fact of just believing, and trusting in God. I had kidded myself that I did, but it was painfully obvious that I didn't. While all these things were going round in my head, Lazarus walked into the shop, obviously not the Lazarus from the bible, complete with grave clothes and a napkin on his face, but a Mr Lazarus, but at that moment, it was Lazarus stood there paying for petrol. All I thought at that moment was, "I need to die to myself so I can be reborn, and to believe - have faith in Jesus, that in him everything is possible. Just trust, believe and receive". To say I was a bit "what just happened there" would be an understatement, although I know what did happen, was Mr Lazarus came into the shop to pay for fuel, it could have been anyone else, but for him to come in at that moment.......well. Ever since then, I have read, seen and heard all over the place time and time and time again,in bible verses, prayers, hymns, articles even on television and radio, the words over and over again, "Trust in the Lord with your whole heart, and lean not on your own understanding", Worded differently, told in a tale and a hundred other ways. Maybe I am just looking out for it, but it keeps popping up all the time.
Trouble is, I don't know how to. I genuinely thought I did, obviously I didn't. Although having said that, thinking about it, I wonder whether it might be something. There is something I really want to do , but haven't put my name down to volunteer, as I am convinced that everyone will say I'm either not good enough, or wonder how I dared to put my name down in the first place. Perhaps that's it. I remember when I first saw the opportunity, it lice for a prayer to be said for them if they needed literally jumped out at me, four weeks ago now, and I haven't been able to get the idea out of my heart and head since. Perhaps that is all it is, to trust that it is what God wants for me? I guess I'll never know unless I try will I?
Oh well.
Last Sunday, church was very different to usual, at the town church anyway. It sort of turned into a healing service somewhere along the way, complete with cheesy american muzak. Two of the regulars told of their experience of healing, including one of cancer being removed from the one persons husbands hand, gone, without a trace, after prayer. They went on to talk about the power of laying on hands and how it had affected them. Next thing they invited people up to be healed, at least that's what I thought they asked, cue cheesy muzak, and cue silence from the congregation. Everyone became glued to their seats at that point. After a few minutes of standing there with no takers, the one simply said thankyou ,and sat down. Poor man. Afterwards at some point, I cant remember when exactly the vicar stood up and said he felt that God was letting him know that someone had a bad right eye, and that people could go up after the service, and the vicar and others would pray for them if they needed it.
At the end, I suggested that MLO go to have a prayer said for him, as he has had a very painful shoulder for the last few weeks, fully expecting him to look at me as if I had gone a bit in the head, but to my utter amazement he said "why not", so we went up and waited, and he had a prayer said for him by the vicar and another man whose name I don't know. MLO was really touched by it, and started to well up a bit, but that's not difficult when the vicar says a prayer, you know that he means it with his whole heart.
Anyhoo that's me all up to date again, for the time being anyway. Have another Alpha meeting tomorrow night, all about resisting evil. That should be interesting. We have skipped the ninth session - how can I be filled with the Holy Spirit, having done the other two on the Holy Spirit Saturday just gone. Not sure when we are doing the ninth. Anyway TTFN.

Back to normal again.

2010-02-27T01:37:00.002Z

Ok, I gave up, no matter what I tried, I couldn't get the designs to work, so have gone back to the old design for the time being. Have a quiet day tomorrow at last, so will update the blog then. TTFN.

Another redesign

2010-02-16T00:07:00.003Z

Well, I changed the design again, as you most probably have seen. Think I like this one, but will more than likely alter the colours a little. then, when I have done that, I will post a proper blog post, as I haven't done in quite a long time.

A bit of an improvement

2010-02-13T02:22:00.003Z

Still stuff to do, but now I have done it, I am not too certain that I really like it all that much. Might just go back to how it was before. Am now off to bed, as it is way too late. Meeting mum in six hors or so, and haven't even gone to bed yet. Dreadful behaviour. :-)

A bit of a redesign

2010-02-11T01:40:00.000Z

As you can see, this is very rough and ready. Will tweak when I have a bit more time. Definitely not finished yet.

Baptised and confirmed :-)

2010-01-12T00:30:00.000Z

Yesterday I was baptised and confirmed by the Bishop of Hereford at St Pauls (town church). There were five of us altogether who were confirmed and just two of us were baptised aswell. It was an utterly amazing experience, so completely amazing. I still cant quite get over the whole thing. (Not that I ever really want to :-)).
I spent the day in a bit of a whirl really. First communion was so wonderful, I think I surprised myself at how it made me feel. When I was given the bread, I just stared at it for a while trying to get my head round it, what it was, being able to be there, and take part in something so mind blowing, so special and wonderful. Then in the evening at St Andrews (country church) it was the same, but this time I was given the bread by the vicar, ( the Bishop gave it me in the morning) which was was really lovely, and the wine by a wonderful man, who along with everyone else, were the reason I wanted to be confirmed into the churches we go to.
When MLO and I arrived in the evening so many people came and congratulated me, and welcomed me, I have never felt so in awe of peoples kindness and love, and I have done nothing to deserve that, other than turning up to church each Sunday. The vicar came out then to welcome me to the church, which was also such a lovely kind gesture. Right now I am not quite sure what to do with myself, all I seem able to to is alternate going round in floods of tears because I am so overjoyed,then humbled, at everyone that I cant quite control my emotions, then thanking God for everything in my life, the people I know and love, and everything else. I hope I never forget yesterday.
The previous Sunday, the vicar had tried to get me to agree to say something about why I wanted to be baptised and confirmed, I backed away from him at that point, no way Jose am I getting up there in front of everyone, he did say that if I wrote something then the Bishop would read it out. Phew.
I had tried to get something written and had made many attempts at getting my thoughts and feelings down on paper, but it always seemed wrong. I was sat in front of the computer yesterday morning about half an hour before we were due to get to church staring at the screen thinking that now would be a good time to decide on what to to put. So I just wrote, and hoped it was ok.
We got to the church, and waited a while for the Bishop to arrive, which he did, complete with big black swooshy cloak, looking like an ecclesiastical version of Dracula, but infinitely less scary, and who quickly put us at our ease, as we were all rather worried. He then mentioned saying something, which most of us had hoped he would have forgotten, but he agreed to read three of ours out, and two brave souls read their own. The one lady who read hers out told us about the most amazingly terrible time in her life recently, more unhappiness, sorrow and badness than I know I could have coped with, yet she was up there, thanking God for what she had, made me think about my life in a different perspective.
Then the bishop read out what the other three of us had written. This was what I wrote.

When I was much (!) younger, I used to go to church, and really enjoyed it, but as I got older, I got out of the habit of going, other than for special occasions. I would sometimes read the bible - when I could remember where I had left it, and prayed on and off whenever I wanted something. I was happy to call myself a Christian - without really thinking about what it meant.

But it always felt like something was missing - a hole in my life, and no matter what I did or had, or what I bought, the feeling wouldn't go away.

I quite often thought about going back to church, but never did. I thought maybe it wasn't necessary , that I could carry on as I was.

I used to imagine that God was this huge stern guy in the sky, complete with big grey beard and fiery eyes, someone to be scared of, who, if I ever put a foot wrong would probably make my life a misery.

Eventually, I realised that whatever else I did, I needed to go back to church. It wasn't like I made a decision and said “right, I'm going today“, it was a feeling in me that I felt I couldn't really argue with. Although it took me a long time after realising that I had to go before I actually walked through the doors of a church, but I did (obviously), and am so very glad that I did.

After coming for a few months, I realised how important it had become to me; that I had started to really look forward to going each Sunday. I enjoyed being there, worshiping God, praying, listening and learning something each week, and looked forward to seeing the people who had been so welcoming and friendly when we first started going.

I learnt that God wasn't as scary as I first thought, rather, that he was pretty wonderful, and He loved us pretty much no matter what; and to me, that was the most amazing discovery imaginable, and made me want to give something back, both to God, and the church I had been going to.

That is one reason I want to be baptised and confirmed, so I can become a full member of the church, especially the churches I go to. I need to be able to show just how much I love it, and want everyone to know how important it is to me to be a Christian, a part of this church in particular and for all that it stands for.

hopefully by being baptised and confirmed, I can show that I am making a commitment to this church and saying that this is the church that I want to be part of.

Everyone was so lovely about what I wrote.

After the service, everyone gathered in the hall for coffee and biscuits, and several lovely people who I didn't know, came up to us and congratulated us. One lady even said she would love a printout of what I wrote, so she could read it again, which was so sweet. Then the vicar came over and said he thought it was lovely. The Bishop even said it was lovely and moving. Does that seem like shameless self promotion? it isn't meant to, I just cant get over how lovely everyone was.

We eventually left. In the evening we went to the country church. After the service the man who had served the wine said it was a privilege to have done so for the first time, then the vicar said it was lovely, so much kindness from people, I was on the verge of floods of tears. The vicar then said he meant what he said about what I had written, I cant think when so many people have been so kind, I am suffering from a kindness overload. How can I ever possibly repay all that, I haven't got a chance.

It was surprising, in that I didn't expect to feel different afterwards, but I did. Before I was baptised and confirmed, I wondered if I was doing the right thing, not that it was wrong, but not for the right reasons. Because one day I hope that I can have the privilege of becoming a vicar somewhere, I was worried that I was only being baptised and confirmed as a means to an end, rather than a means on their own, being done because that was what I wanted to do then. I hadn't been listening to God enough, and was more concerned with my own sillinesses, otherwise I would have been more certain I'm sure. After the Bishop lifted his hands from me, and I stood, I knew that it was for the right reason, any worry that it wasn't, went. I felt so amazingly calm. Something else surprised me, up to being baptised and confirmed, I remembered a conversation I had had with the vicar months before when I said I wanted to be a vicar, but had said I wanted to wait until I had been baptised and confirmed before I wanted to do anything or talk about it again. In recent weeks, I had been thinking about that, and was worrying about it, what I would say, but that went too, not that I don't want to anymore, I still feel that is what I want to do, but rather than worrying, I feel so calm about it, whatever happens happens, and I am completely content whatever does. Quite surprised at how laid-back I am. I am completely at peace over it, all I can do is thank God for His love, and His grace and his overall amazing wonderfulness. Thank Him for bringing me to this point in my life and thank Him for all the people who have got me to this point;

MLO for his unfailing love and support.

My mum, who, whatever else is still my mum and without whom I simply wouldn't be here.

MLOs mum for agreeing to come on Sunday, and realising what it meant to me.

The vicar for giving his time to get us through this, and helping us learn what being a Christian is and means for our lives, and for guiding and teaching us and being a wonderful example to us.

The Bishop, who baptised and Confirmed us, which was an enormous honour for us.

All the people at St Andrews and St Pauls who are so welcoming and kind, and the main reason for me wanting to be baptised and confirmed as a part of those churches in particular.

For everyone in the past who led me to You Lord.

I thank you God for them, and I thank them for all they have done.
Thats all I can write right now.

Will it snow?

2009-12-19T22:26:00.002Z

Rather sadly, I am currently sat in the study intently staring at the nearest outdoor light (when not typing this that is), watching for snowflakes falling. We have snow forecast you see. And if there is a single weather type that I love more than any other, it is snow. Here is a little robin who was staring straight at me last year when it snowed, just asking for his picture to be taken.
Have just got off the phone after talking to mum, she was busy gloating about the fact that is snowing up where she lives in Birmingham, rubbing it in because she knew it wasn't here. Grrr. However, tomorrow she is off to Ipswich to stop with her brother for Christmas, and whilst here in Herefordshire we have a fairly good chance of seeing some snow at some point on Christmas day, over in Suffolk, the forecast is for a very wet and mild Christmas day.
Met up with mum in Hereford on Wednesday to have lunch and exchange gifts before she went off. Was a quite cool day, but thankfully stayed dry. Had a good look round the shops, but didn't get much. Did get a couple of extra things for mum.
Currently I am rather cold. There is no heating in the study, and am togged up in various jumpers and things,have two carol services to go to tomorrow, so that will be fun, especially if it finally manages to snow.
Not entirely sure why I chose to blog right now, but the excitement is too much I had to write about the fact that snow is on the way. I'm worse than a child when it comes to it really, that's what MLO says anyway.
Will probably blog again tomorrow after church. TTFN for now.

Confirmation date known. :-)

2009-12-14T20:42:00.000Z

Great news. :-)

Mr vicar, finally, was told when the Bishop would be able to come and do the confirmations: January the 10th. Not long now! As he (the vicar) had planned for a confirmation class on the 10th, he had to change it, and I think we are all meeting on the 3rd, with a bit of a practice run through one evening that week. Not long now. :-)

Yesterday, we had a whistle stop tour of the bible, and how everything all fitted together, how certain stories in the old testament are mirrored in ways in the new testament. To begin with he had us all on the floor drawing out our family trees, starting with us, and going back. We then talked our way through our family trees, explaining things as we went. Then he spoke about the bible and how the books within it are grouped, and what the significance of that is. He explained it in a way that definitely made sense. He went on to tell us about the family trees of Israel, mainly from Abraham to the exile. It seemed much more enjoyable as we seemed a bit more involved in things, rather than just sitting round talking.After going through the new testament, it was time to go.

Earlier on yesterday it was morning church, and the nativity play. Which was absolutely lovely and gorgeous. Children everywhere. And pretty much a full house too. The church looked lovely aswell, there were stars all over the walls sparkling and, streamers across the church hanging down and shining, plus an enormous Christmas tree in the corner. I hadn't really felt all that festive, but with the play, the decorations and the great happy mood, I definitely feel festive now.

Yesterday evening was country church. There was quite a few more people there than the previous week, but the new people from last week weren't there. We sang one of my favourites too, In the bleak midwinter, to end the service.

Yesterday, we also put up our Christmas tree and decorated it. Now it most definitely feels like it is almost Christmas. The town church and country church both have their carol services next Sunday, which I am really looking forward to, and Midnight mass which I am also really looking forward to. Not sure who will be doing the service though, as Mr vicar will be doing the town church, and we will be going to the country church, so we will see.

Oh well thats it for now I think, I have work tomorrow, then meeting up with Mum on Wednesday, so may post again this week.

TTFN for now.

Just a short one

2009-12-13T00:33:00.002Z

Bonjour mes amis.

This is probably only going to be a short one today, as I don't have much to say.

What has happened since last time then? Well, as I said I was going to go to either Worcester of Birmingham to meet my mum, in the end I decided Worcester was far more appealing than Birmingham, so we met up there (mum was more than happy to do so aswell). We went for a bit of a wander, then decided it was time for lunch. Had that then had some more of a wander. Managed to get MLOs present, and his mums too, so was quite happy about that. Then it was time to go home (where did the day go?). The nice thing about going to Worcester was that I was home fairly early.

Next day as I had the day off from work, MLO and I went to the morning church, which was most enjoyable. Then confirmation class. This week it was all about what we thought Church was, and what we thought the communion was all about. What exactly do I think about it? At the class, I tried to put into words how I felt, and what I thought (if they are two separate things that is). I'm pretty sure though that I ended up sounding like I was reading something out of a text book , as I wasn't very impassioned on the subject and altogether unconvincing. Must try harder!! I feel such a tit when I do that, I have a million and one things in my head, want to say them all, and end up coming out with what I think someone wants to hear. Poo to it. I think I'll just keep my mouth shut as much as possible from now on. Not sure what tomorrow will be about, will have to wait and see. It is the last until the new year. In the evening it was country church, which was a little empty, but, there were three new people, which was great, mum dad and their little girl. Between them they increased the congregation by quite a significant percentage.

Yesterday (Friday) I had an organic veg box delivered for the first time. (The local scheme were doing a first order half price offer, so decided to try them). It had arrived when I was at work, and as I had forgotten about it, it was a lovely surprise when I got home that evening. Had a great few minutes rooting round in the box to see what had been delivered. All sorts of lovely goodies, and most of them still coated in a covering of lovely Herefordshire earth. There were carrots, leeks, celeriac, russian kale, mushrooms, tomatoes, red onions, potatoes Jerusalem artichokes, and loads more. Only problem, I'm not sure how to pay them. Have asked twice via e-mail, but no reply as of yet. MLOs mum asked when they delivered, but she was told not to worry about it. Wish I could get on and pay for them.

Today I had another Saturday off, having swapped weekends with the other girl at work, who wanted the last weekend before Christmas off. So spent a couple of hours in Hereford in an attempt to get my mum something nice for Christmas. No luck, except for some chocolate gingers. Lame effort. Got home early, made dinner, then came to blog. So now I am completely up to date, literally up to the minute. Church in the morning, and it is going to be the children's nativity play which will be lovely I am sure.

Well thats me all done. Will be back soon no doubt.

Wet and wild Wales, confirmation class, and stuff

2009-12-05T01:51:00.002Z

Hello, only me.

Back at last. so what have I got to say for myself then? Well, last time I blogged I had booked a few days up in North Wales for a bit of a getaway, and hadn't yet gone, so I will start with that.

We arrived there on the Wednesday afternoon (18th November), just as it had become dark, and also just as the weather was getting going. It was the same time as they had the dreadful weather up in Cumbria, and although it was nowhere near as bad in the mountains of Wales it was still quite wild. Over the next few hours the wind and rain all got a bit insane, as the cottage backed onto a patch of woodland the noise from the trees in the wind and the rain, made it sound like a massive jet was flying inches above us, constantly for almost 48 hours. On the Thursday we had to venture out, as we realised we had left some vegetables behind at home, and didn't fancy dinner without them. We set out in over 60mph winds and the heaviest rain imaginable (however we were in the car) to drive into Beddgelert to the shop. As we were pulling down the farm track, three people and a dog appeared, heading along the one path up Snowdon, which literally went past our front door. Not only was the fact amazing, given the current weather conditions, but they were also seriously under dressed, the lady was dressed in desert boots and a cheap pac-a-mac, the man was in shorts and the son looked exceedingly unhappy to be out in it, as did the poor dog, who had been put in a bright yellow visibility vest. I felt like running up to them and saying "Are you insane, haven't you noticed the weather?" But as we passed them by we greeting them, and they seemed entirely happy in their little expedition, so thought it best not to mention, and let them go on their way. Not something I would have wanted to do though, but each to their own.

On arriving at Beddgelert, after passing through some minor floods on the road, we pulled up in the car-park ad realised we were the only ones there, did everyone know something that we didn't? Slightly worried at that we made our way to the shop in the rain. The place was completely deserted, we couldn't believe our eyes really. One we had rootled round the shop for what we needed, we went to pay, and the lady behind the till said "You've got the place to yourselves today, but thats not surprising given the floods, even the Caernarfon road is now closed because of the floods" At this point we got a little worried, as that was the very road we had just come in on, and thought about the rather large flood that had started forming along the road at the end of the track. Needless to say, we hurried back, but it must have been further along the road than us.

Safely ensconced we sat down and listened to the weather, and tried to get a fire going, but the wind was going across the chimney so fast, it made life very difficult.

The next day (Friday) the weather finally calmed down and turned into a rather lovely day, so we went for a drive into Caernarfon for a late lunch and a wander. Was very quiet there too.

When we arrived back at the cottage, I got the keys to open up the cottage, and got out of the car, open the front door, and heard MLO say "Oh no you haven't". I turned around wondering what I had done, and looked at his face, then at the car. As he had got out from the car, he shut the door behind him, as you do, and the keys were still in the ignition. Next thing, for whatever reason it was, the car chose to lock itself, with the keys still sat there in the ignition. Why the central locking went off, we had no idea. Nor did we have much of an idea how we were supposed to get into the car, as the master key was still at home 140 miles away. Not the best start to an evening. Just at that moment the farmer walked across, and we explained to him what had happened to us, he told us to wait there and called his brother over to us, who had just arrived on holiday in his new motorhome (new to him anyway), it turned out he had AA membership, and was covered if he was a passenger, so off he went and told them he had been in our car when it happened, an hour later and a very obliging AA man turned up and broke into our car in a most professional manner indeed. Shockingly easy with nothing more than a wedge, a blow up bag and a length of wire. After all the excitement once he had gone, we retired for a nice cup of tea.

Next the, Saturday was time to leave, and go home, we left just before 11. The weather wasn't too bad again, so I suggested we went for a walk round a lake, somewhere I had been years bore with school, and wanted to show MLO how lovely it was. One thing I hadn't taken into account though was the amount of rain we had had, something like 20 inches while we had been there. The lovely path around the lake was now several feet underwater with no other way possible, so we decided to have a late breakfast in a local cafe instead. Caffi Gwynant at Nant Gwynant, who I must say do a lovely breakfast. We chose to go there as we were told by the farmers who owned the cottage that it was run by a man who used to be head chef at the Portmeirion Hotel.

After that we called in at Betws Y coed, as no visit to Snowdonia would be complete without it. We wandered around, and as we were the rain was getting heavier and heavier, thank goodness for good waterproofs is all I can say. MLO saw there was a bit of an antique fair on at the church, so he went in , and I went and sat in the dry of the church for a while and had a few quiet minutes.

After that we made our way to the Alpine cafe for a lovely cup of tea. (If you are ever in Betws, visit here just to see the amazing menu of various teas you can have, it would take months to drink your way through it). Finally we made our way home, and stopped for dinner at a pub in Shropshire somewhere. ( It was The Pound at Leebotwood) Where a lovely meal, ended a lovely holiday.

Back home, and the next day (Sunday) was church in the morning, which was fun, the In the afternoon, was the first confirmation class. I arrived with a couple of minutes to spare, unsure of what awaited in the room. There were three others already there, raring to go. M who is ten and a little shy, J who is 13 and incredibly intelligent for his age, A, who like me is quite the far side of 20, the vicar and myself. But, horror of horrors the chairs had been arranged in a circle , and I am never really comfortable with that. After a few introductions, we all spoke about why we had decided that we wanted to be confirmed, what we thought of God and all about ourselves. M didn't speak for the whole class, she was too shy. Poor thing. Once that was finished, off home, quick drink and on to evening church.

The week at work was quiet, nothing new there, so nothing to say either.

The following Sunday, I was working in the morning, so missed morning church. I got home from worked, showered, and got ready, then confirmation class at 4. It was all about prayer this week. He asked us to speak about our life, and what part prayer had t o play in it. When it came to me, I joked that I had prayed to find a parking space in town, before. Mr Vicar then asked if it had worked, and I had to admit that it had. Only thing was, I realised that it had probably sounded like I didn't really take it all that seriously when in fact I do. I just didn't want to say in front of everyone how much I pray, and how I pray, after they had all said that they didn't pray much, and appear as though I was showing off, or trying to go one better. So kept schtum on that. We then watched a video, about silence, not surprisingly , there wasn't an awful lot said, but messages appeared on the screen, every so often to get the message across. Afterwards, we spoke about the video, and silence, how important it is to us to have silence. The fact that we tend to use sound, music, TV, talking etc, as a means to avoid really thinking about ourselves, and finding out about ourselves, to run away from ourselves I suppose. And that we really need the silence to be able to start listening, listening to God.

I suppose I am lucky in a way, in that I don't mind silence, and am quite content to be silent for hours on end, whether praying, thinking, working or just lazing. But that is in part due to how I grew up I think, where TV wasn't always on, and I was perfectly happy to go upstairs and read, or think, without music playing. So I guess I'm just used to it. I also think that it is why I tend to think so much. I am always thinking about something, there is always some random thought popping into my head, and I really do mean random at times. Some people would probably just call it an overactive imagination, but it has come in very useful, and has helped me to be more able to see myself for who I really am. I try to imagine myself from other peoples point of view, and then try to work out what they think of me. Which can be a bit of a pain when you realise someone who is talking to you really isn't interested in talking to you at all. I can never work that one out, if you aren't interested, why bother, or at least attempt to find some common ground to talk about. But, never mind.

The vicar sent us off with a little practical, to sit quietly and to basically meditate on God - although he didn't put it like that, I think that was the gist of it. I tried to imagine, I had not really prayed before, and did what he had suggested, for the first few times I kept getting distracted, whether by noises outside, or thoughts in my head. Then some of the most bizarre thoughts came to mind.

I tried again. Several times in the past when I had been praying, there was an odd sensation almost like I could no longer feel my arms and legs, (either that or they had gone to sleep from the way I was knelt) almost if I was falling out of myself, if that makes any sense, which looking at it, it doesn't, and I began to feel a bit like that again, then nothing, complete nothingness, not empty though, hard to describe, like it was full. And I stayed like it for a few minute, then opened my eyes again. I felt quite chuffed as I thought I had managed about 5 minutes, then I glanced at the clock, it was an hour later. What, I lost an hour??? What happened there. I came to the conclusion I must have fallen asleep, but wasn't so sure, as I was sure I remembered, and definitely decided to open my eyes as a conscious thought. Whatever, if I had fallen asleep for the hour, it was a blooming good sleep, because I felt incredibly relaxed and refreshed. Must do it again sometime. ( I must add at this point, I'm not mad, at least I don't think I am)

Anyway, on that note, I must go to bed. It is late and I have to be off tomorrow (later on this morning) to see mum, either in Worcester, or Birmingham. Haven't decided yet.

A confirmation of dates, but no date of confirmation.

2009-11-16T21:31:00.006Z

Heck.

Such a long time (again) since I last wrote anything. I'm getting a bit useless at this all lately. So, what have I got to say for myself, now that I am here. Well, actually, I'm not quite sure, but thought I had better write something before I got completely out of the habit and gave up entirely.

I have been to work, as usual, and have nothing of particular interest to report on that. So I wont write anything about that.

On the church front (nothing like the "Peoples front of Judea", .... although,..... now I come to mention it). No.. only joking. Oh dear, You'll have to excuse my rather poor attempt at Monty Python based humour, it just isn't working is it! Back to the story........

On the church front, we have been going as usual, nothing of great excitement there, however, Mr Vicar, although he still isn't sure about whether the date he wanted for the baptisms and confirmations, is good to go, he is starting classes this coming Sunday, just to make sure, or, just in case his chosen date is on. So....... yeehaa. There are 5 classes to go to, and I am really rather looking forward to it. There will be at least three others going as well, which is great. Not sure whether I should be taking notes when there or what is going to happen, I will just have to wait and see wont I?

This week (Wednesday), MLO and I are sneaking off to North Wales to a little hideaway in the mountains (part way up Mount Snowdon to be precise) for a few nights for a break and some peace and quiet. Originally, I had booked the cottage for four nights and we were planning to come back Sunday, late evening. But then the farmer whose cottage it was rang me up and said that somehow they had managed to double book us for the Saturday night, and would have to leave on Saturday rather than Sunday. At the time I was rather annoyed, but looking back, I wouldn't have been able to go to the first confirmation class if we had stayed the Saturday night (I didn't know that at the time though). It has all worked out rather well I think. Big grins all round.

So, there I am up to date, that really is it, so TTFN...

Where is the Joy?

2009-10-26T22:21:00.008Z

After re-reading through some of my most recent posts, plus some older ones, I realised that I hadn't written much about the subject of my blog, the very reason that I started blogging in the first place, namely Hope and Joy. On Sunday at church the sermon was about Joy, and was given by a vicar who was so obviously full to brimming with joy himself. Made me stop and think about things a bit. He made the point that as Christians in the UK we aren't exactly famed for our abounding joy, that if we were to ask someone on the street to name a quality that they associated with church goers in this country, then joy probably wouldn't be mentioned there. A very good point. More often that not, just as everyone else, I can look rather glum, and feel glum too, but I know that the reasons on my part are usually pretty pathetic in the scheme of things, maybe my future Mother in Law, has chewed my ear off over something and upset me, or MLO had said or done something. The problem is that I then go out, or to work and instead of focusing on the bigger things, I concentrate on the little things, and turn myself from someone who is, and appears to be happy and joyful into someone rather miserable, with a bit of a mood to boot. Not always, but I know more than once I have turned up to church in a rather less than joyful state because I have been upset by something said, and rather than being as friendly and open as I can, I have been rather short with people. I don't intend to though, but I am a bit over emotional at times when I don't mean to be. The result of all that usually ends up with me getting rather mad at myself for behaving like it to people.
So where is the joy, why don't I show it all the time, why cant I always concentrate on God, Jesus and everything that they are in my life, the fact that God is up there dancing away when he thinks of us (that's how the vicar put it anyway, and when he said it I got the most hilarious image of God with all the host of heaven having a right old hoe down, and almost burst out laughing). He asked us how that made us feel, knowing that God was up there celebrating every moment because of us, He loved us that much. I am totally able to accept the fact that Jesus loves me, and I have unfailing faith in that fact, no problem in declaring it, that He is my Saviour, if asked I would gladly say so, and from time to time I could have leapt across the rooftops crying this out, and have been reduced to tears when I have stopped and really thought about it, and there are also occasional days when the whole world full of people is wondrous amazing and beautiful, and I really seem to get it, but there are days when I lose sight of it all, praying becomes a chore rather than something I want and need to do, every little thing upsets me and I become unhappy or rather unjoyful. I need to go and have a good think about it all. I'll get back to you on that.
The last week has been a bit uneventful although I did come down with a rather nasty throat infection over the weekend before last, and by the early hours of last Tuesday I couldn't swallow, it was too painful. I had to take a day off work to go to see a doctor. One problem, I hadn't visited a doctor for over twenty years, and wasn't even sure where I was registered if at all, I certainly wasn't registered in Herefordshire. Unsure what to do, MLO took me to the hospital to see the on duty GP. Got there, and the receptionist said that no-one would see me as I wasn't registered anywhere, and I would have to register at a doctors surgery before I could be seen. My throat at this point felt like it was coated in stones and simultaneously being hacked at with a rusty saw, and not able to swallow, rather uncomfortable. MLO asked for me what would be required, and the receptionist said I would need my passport, birth certificate and any social security things, etc etc. MLO took me on the off chance to his doctors in the nearby village who said, yes I did need to register at that surgery, but all I had to do was fill in a simple form. Once registered they made an appointment for me for that afternoon. One doctor visit later and a prescription for some antibiotics and I was sorted. The throat is still slightly hoarse but doesn't hurt.
Work again Thursday and Friday. Saturday was spent with MLO and Mum wandering round Hereford, didn't do an awful lot though, so cant really say anything on that. Sunday, as it was my weekend off, we went to the morning service, which was a morning worship service rather than communion. Not so many people there compared to the last few times. Vicar got his guitar out and accompanied a couple of the songs with some extremely vigorous strumming. Was a great happy service, MLO was a bit unimpressed, he said it was American type nonsense, and just wasn't Church of England. Oh dear. He is quite happy to go to the village church, but it is getting a struggle to get him to agree to go to the town church. I said its not how we do, that counts but what we do, he gave me a look as if to say don't bring that cliche out on me, and remained completely unimpressed. Still no word on being confirmed, from the pew sheet it seems the vicar still doesn't know when it will be. Didn't have chance for much of a chat after church, still nevermind it will happen when it happens, and as long as it does I'm not really too worried when.
So there you are, all up to date, nothing more to say, except night night and au revoir till next time.

Dunnocks and work

2009-10-18T23:59:00.004+01:00

Again, quite a long time since my last post, never mind though I'm back now. Has been another quiet couple of weeks, hence the long gap between posts. Have had a longish week at work this week, as the other girl was off to Yorkshire, I had to cover her, so ended up doing 11 hour days most of this week, you have no idea how glad I am that I don't need to get up for work tomorrow. MLO has no work either, his mum is also off in Yorkshire, on a coach trip, so will be a lovely peaceful day at home.

Has been quite cold here, we have had the first proper Autumn mists and fogs, I love the smell of Autumn mornings, and the way the mist and fog muffle sounds, so everything seems all quiet and mysterious. This morning, as I didn't have to get to work till 9 , the sun was well up in the sky, and a mist was rising all through the trees and the fields, which looked so gorgeous, I couldn't resist taking a picture of it.

It turned out to be a lovely sunny day today, and not that cold once the sun got going. For a change, there wasn't any church this evening, instead people from the evening church could go to a service at the cathedral celebrating twenty five years of the St Michael Hospice. The reason we went there instead, was because Mr M one of the people who is part of the church was one of the original founders all those years ago. He is a doctor, and the reason he started it along with another woman called Freda Pearce, was because he was so frustrated with the lack of proper care provisions for people with terminal illnesses, and after visiting a hospice in Birmingham (I think that is what he said) St Barnabas, he was so moved and amazed by the warmth that he received from staff and patients alike, that he decided to try to start a hospice in Herefordshire.

Roll on a few years, after finding a suitable site, they negotiated with the sisters from the local convent, who agreed to let them have the land at a rent of £5 per year (I am sure that's what was said), and building work was started.

A few other people talked about their part in the hospice, a ward sister, a daughter of someone who stayed there, and a couple of the other trustees and founders. The cathedral was almost full, and along with readings, poetry and some great hymn singing, was a brass band playing as well as the wonderful organ. It was a lovely service.

A few days ago, Thursday, just as I was closing up the shop, I heard an odd noise, I looked and caught something out of the corner of my eye, a small dark object traveling at great speed around the shop, coming to a halt when it rammed into the large glass of the window. I looked at it and it turned out to be a poor little sparrow that had flown in at some point and couldn't find its way back out. I managed to pick it up, the poor thing was terrified (obviously) and also quite stunned, so I held it in my hand for a minute or so till it had calmed down. It was so warm and small. I then had a customer who needed serving so held the sparrow in my hand for a couple more minutes, so it couldn't fly round the shop anymore, it really didn't appear to mind it all that much, once the customer had left, I thought it had better go back out, but I first wanted to get a picture, so out came the phone. The little sparrow was utterly unfazed and appeared to haver made itself quite at home on my hand, as I held it open, it didn't want to go anywhere. I went outside and held my hand up for it to go, but it didn't budge, so I shook my hand a little, still no sparrow, no go. I held my hand downwards, and the sparrow shinnied up my arm. Daft creature. So I looked at it and told it it really couldn't hang about on my arm all day long. the funniest thing was when it looked right at me, it must have been concussed, as it blinked at me as though it sat on peoples arms everyday, and I was the one who was a bit daft for attempting to remove it. Adorable. I then told it in no uncertain terms that it really did have to go, and with one last blink, it left.

Thinking about it, looking at the little thing, it couldn't have been a sparrow, as it has the wrong bill, I am guessing that it was a dunnock now.

Anyway, up to date again. So I am off to bed where I plan to stay until at least eight o clock in the morning. TTFN

Last week, and today

2009-10-06T21:52:00.006+01:00

Well, here we are, another week, and another month, and still nothing much to write about. Pathetic isn't it? Anyway, as I am feeling fairly game right now, I will attempt to convey a witty and amusing post full of hilarious anecdotes from my last week. Then I will stop; and realise, this is me we are talking about here, and give up. That sounded a bit miserable didn't it, it wasn't meant to though, as I am certainly not miserable in any way.

Back to the last week, and it has been one of those all or nothing type of weeks, very quiet and slow, or full tilt ahead busy. Last Monday started off well enough, washing day as usual,Tuesday work, as usual. Tuesday was one of the crazy busy bits. Attempting to stick three stamps each, on almost a thousand envelopes, and being expected to do it single handedly in just over an hour and a half, with several customers and a stock delivery in between, not sure whether to be flattered that they thought it possible of me, or otherwise just annoyed that they didn't have any idea how long it might take, and then being peeved at me for not managing it. Anyway help was drafted in, in the form of a driver, yard supervisor, cleaner and girl who should have been on her day off. Three quarters of an hour later we had finished , at last.

Wednesday was another day off, so I went to raid the local library for some brain food. Had a wander round town, then back home.

Thursday work again, interminably quiet day, Friday work also, quiet again, but not so bad as Thursday. Saturday and Sunday were also work days, and both went without incident.

Sunday afternoon was church again, and it was Harvest Festival. The church had been decorated beautifully the previous day with all manner of flowers fruit and veg, including loads of lovely wild plants, fruit and bushes. We had taken a box full of tinned veg, meat fruit and drink for the harvest festival, as we arrived I stuck my head round the door, the place was full, but no other boxes were in evidence, and decided I must have misread the previous weeks pew sheet, so MLO left the box in the porch underneath the bench. Anyway, we went in and had to sit quite near the back as it was so full, which was brilliant. The sermon, rather than just thanking God for our harvest, for what we had been given, The vicar gave us a printout showing how much is spent on various aid packages, in comparison with how much is spent on wars, government bailouts, various company profits and individual peoples worth, the differences were shocking.

As we were leaving and talking with the vicar, he said he would know the final date for my confirmation date, on the 15th of this month. All I currently know is, that it will be in January sometime.

Anyhoo, Yesterday was a day spent in the garden and doing tons of housework, today as is usual for a Tuesday, I was at work, although I did get to rescue a baby toad this evening at work, I found it hopping across the floor of one of our store rooms, so cute, and only just over an inch long. I got it to crawl into a big glass bowl, then took it outside and popped it in the garden of the people next door. Hope they didn't mind.

There you are, all up to date. Not much to tell though. Sorry.

Up to date for now.

2009-09-28T22:56:00.009+01:00

It took me rather longer to get back than I anticipated, so must apologise for the delay.

From Burnham Deepdale, We made or way back to the campsite to start packing up ready for leaving on Monday morning. When we returned to the campsite, the transformation was amazing, from being packed to the gunnels when we left in the morning, to being practically deserted on our return. And so quiet, we were originally a little peeved when everyone turned up on the Friday and then the Saturday, but it was great fun watching everyone doing their stuff. The campsite seemed almost eerily quiet that evening.

Next morning and we had a nice early start, and got everything packed away into the car, then we took down the tent packed that all up and put it in the car and we were good to go. We had intended to call in to the village stores in Stiffkey before we left, but there was nowhere to park up. We carried on along the coast road towards Cromer, stopping at Salthouse to climb up on the shingle bank and stare at the sea for a while. After shaking all the small pebbles out of our shoes we headed off towards Cromer again. When we arrived, we parked up, and walked into the town.

It is quite a sweet place, nothing special, but nice and quiet. We had a wander around the place for a couple of hours, then , as it was getting towards lunchtime, MLO said we should have some fish and chips as we were beside the seaside, so off we went to find a suitable purveyor of our chosen lunch items. That done and the good purchased we went off to sit on a bench outside the church (the wind was way too fierce to sit looking out to sea, and the church was a good shelter form the wind). We ate our lunch and decided to go into the church and have a look round (what a surprise eh?). As we walked in there was a huge map of Britain, with pins in it that people had stuck in, to show where they had come from. There were a couple from near to where we lived, and we stuck in a pin for here. Then we looked around the rest of the church. Quite a nice bright and airy church, but with a fair bit roped off, so we couldn't see all of it. The tower was open for climbing up, but neither of us were feeling particularly energetic, so missed that, though we may do it next time we come to Norfolk.

Then it was time to leave for home. As we were lower down Norfolk we decided to cut across country rather than going back up towards Peterborough and across from there. So worked out a route that came home via Norwich, Cambridge, Bedford, Milton Keynes Buckingham Oxford and Gloucester. It took a while longer than the journey over, but that was due mainly to there being mile after mile of roadworks by Bedford. Much more interesting traveling that way home and much less tedious than cutting across from Coventry to Peterborough .

Anyway we got home about half past nine and had to unload the cat right away as MLO had work on one of his farms early next morning.

I went back to work on the Thursday, so had a couple of days rest at home to get over the holiday. It was good to be back at work actually, surprised myself how good it felt to be back. Work went without incident, Mr and Mrs Boss were away for the weekend in Italy, so nice and peaceful about the place.

On Sunday, it was back to church again, and it was nice to be back there again. Back to normal. Monsieur Vicar, said it was nice to see us again and have us back which was nice. He asked us how our holiday was. That service, as it was our evening worship rather than a communion service the vicar had a lady from the other church come and lead the service, who wants to be a vicar. It was a lovely service. She led very well, not sure I would have the guts to do it myself, infact the idea of doing it is too scary to contemplate.

Last week passed rather uneventfully, it was weekend off again, so met Mum in Hereford on Saturday as it was here turn to come down here. Unusually for a Saturday MLO wasn't at the football working, so had his company all day too which was a lovely bonus. After scrambled eggs on toast at All Saints, we wandered aimlessly for several hours, not doing anything in particular. I suggested that we could go to the Evensong at the cathedral, everyone seemed in agreement, so we wandered over just before half five and settled down for the service. Mum enjoyed it, MLO enjoyed it, and I enjoyed it, so all happy there, just hope they didn't mind three people turning up with shopping bags in tow, spread all over the pew. Mum caught the train back at eight o clock.

Yesterday, being my Sunday off, we went to the morning service and the evening service. The morning one was a morning worship service, so all sorts were going on. There was a man called Shem there, who was headmaster at the Archbishop John Sepeku secondary school in Dar-es-Salaam in Tanzania, which a few of the teachers from the Bishop of Hereford's Bluecoat school had visited. The Diocese of Hereford was twinned with three in Tanzania, and three projects were chosen by the Bishops of the three Dioceses in Tanzania, of which the school is one. It was opened in 2004, but is still desperately underfunded and the headmaster 's dearest wish is to enable him to grow the school to reach even more students, but cannot do so without more building work, and money for basics such as textbooks. There is an old chapel there which he would love, to be restored, and several blocks of buildings are unfinished, even the kitchens still have no roof on them. He came to talk about what had been done, what needed doing, and what was needed to do it, a basket was set up at the exit of the church for people to donate money for the school as we left. The evening service was also very enjoyable as we had no organist, and no other means of accompaniment, so we all sang a capella (if that is how you spell it, I'm not certain).The first hymn was an interesting mix of several different tunes all vying for position, I cant remember what that one was though. The second was a resounding success Alleluia. Sing to Jesus. Which everyone one knew, so we sang our hearts out, it sounded great, the organ really wasn't missed for that one. The last hymn was Breathe on me Breath of God, great MLO and I thought, we know the tune to this one too, so this'll be a good one too. Unfortunately the person who got us started also knew the tune, but a completely different one to the one we knew, but we just about got the hang of it by the last verse. Still good fun though. After the service as we were getting ready to go, the vicar said that the confirmations would probably be in January, but he just had to book the confirmation classes. seems by that comment that he wont be doing them, just so long as he doesn't stick us on an Alpha course, I don't worry who it is, but it would have been nice to have the vicar. But then again, my hearing really isn't the best perhaps I misheard, at least I hope so.

Well, there I am up to date again, sort of. I didn't include today, I thought I had wittered on enough already, so will do today tomorrow or the day after.

North Norfolk camping and stuff

2009-09-24T00:50:00.001+01:00

think it is about time that I got on and wrote a proper blog again, it has been far too long now. I shall begin with our little trip to Norfolk, which was thoroughly enjoyable thankyou.

We eventually got away Wednesday before last (the 10th), and headed off via Worcester and the M5, M42 and Peterborough to the wonderful little coastal village of Stiffkey, in between Wells-Next-The-Sea and Cromer. (Famous for its crabs). The campsite was quite large and it took us almost half an hour to decide where best to pitch up, eventually we made up our minds, and up went the tent. That night we had camp chilli, which is a wonderful quick meal when you are too tired to do anything more than sling a few tins together to heat. Stewed steak, kidney beans and tomatoes with a chopped onion and seasoning, delicious, with precooked rice. Camping can be such fun. Early to bed that night and up with the larks the following morning. Got the shower block all to myself, bliss. Once MLO and I had prettied ourselves up we decided to go to Norwich for the day, as it would give him a bit of a break from driving. All along the North Norfolk coast runs a bus service that goes directly to Sheringham and Cromer, from where a train could be caught to Norwich. The best bit was though that an all in one ticket was available for just £7, which gave unlimited travel between Hunstanton and Norwich via bus and train. We were pretty chuffed when we found out about it.

Anyway we arrived in Norwich and headed up the hill. By the time we had got sorted waited for a bus and then train, it was lunch time by the time we got there, so as we were passing MLO said we should go to the cathedral for lunch and a look round. Off to the refectory first of all for lunch. Baked potato, ham and salad followed by lemon drizzle cake yum. Oh and don't forget the tea. Once we were suitably refreshed, we set off to explore the cathedral. At the bottom of the steps from the refectory was the cloisters, so we started there. So glad I took my nice camera even though it can be a pain to carry round at times. Like they say; no pain no gain.

We wandered around the cloisters for a while taking lots of pictures. In the center was a labyrinth which would have been great to walk round, but we wanted to see inside first So off we went along the cloisters to the first door we could find and in we went. Wow. Thats all you can say. mightily impressive. Yet more photographs. After a thoroughly enjoyable few hours looking round the cathedral, it was unfortunately time to head back to the train.

On the Saturday, we went for drive around local villages in the area. The weather was completely perfect, the sky was so incredibly blue and not a cloud in sight. We ended up at Walsingham. When we got there the place seemed deserted, with only an extremely happy smiley nun there. We wandered round the village looking at the various shops, then had a coffee. We then went down to the Anglican shrine. We spent a couple of hours there, then as time was going on, we left. We paid a short visit to the farm shop there and bought some lovely bread and meat for our dinner that night. On the way to the shop a couple of buses turned up and the village went from being wonderfully peaceful to bustling and busy in a matter of seconds. We were stood watching all the people that had got off, it was almost funny the difference in the place. We also bought a couple of rolls, some pate and apple juice, and sat in a field just across the road from the farm shop and had an impromptu picnic, which was incredibly enjoyable in the warm sunshine.

I think I decided I want to live there, it was almost like the village was in a time warp, or surrounded by a little bubble, so amazingly peaceful and calm there. When we went to Norfolk, we didn't realise that Walsingham was there, so that came as quite a lovely surprise, and gave us a perfect excuse for a visit, when we realised how close it was.

We also visited Wells next the Sea that day too which is the only town along the north part of the Norfolk coast which is still navigable by sea, all the rest along that stretch of coast having silted up and tuned over to salt marsh. Other towns and villages along the north coast are practically landlocked, if you can call saltmarsh land, that is, and places like Cley-next-the-Sea, aren't, Blakeney with it's enormously impressive church. You know me and churches by now, well, I couldn't resist asking MLO if we could go and have a look.

Blakeney church really is quite huge, and oddly enough has two towers one at either end, although you cant see it on my picture, sorry about that. It was a lovely church inside and out. I think the reasons that the churches along this part of the coast are so large is down to wool, and the fact that so much of the English wool was sent over to the low countries via ship, and these villages and towns having once been quite major ports, a large proportion of the wool was shipped out from here, and as such the wool traders and merchants made lovely profits, some of which went into church building and renovating. The churches at Cley, Wiveton and Salthouse are similar.
On the Sunday morning we decided to brave the natives and go to the church at Stiffkey. We had visited it the previous evening to check there was a service the next day, and what time if there was. It was lucky for us that there would be a service at 9:30, so we went to that one. When we entered a lovely man greeted us, and handed us a reading sheet, the service booklet and hymn book, then explained that due to the fact that they currently didn't have a vicar looking after them, that it would be a family service, and that we were to sit in the choir stalls, facing everybody. Aargh, I thought, I don't like facing other people to much like that, but too late to back out now I thought, so MLO and I went to get seated. A lovely lady there said hello and welcome to us, and showed us a seat. A few minutes went by and a couple of other people arrived. The man who had greeted us then stood up to do the service. We had a couple of hymns, and a lady read something that she had read in a book, and two others did the readings. The service itself only lasted half an hour. At the end, the man who had led the service said thankyou to the organist, which was a lovely thing to do, and in return the organist played something else, at the end of which everyone clapped. MLO and I were unsure as to what to do next, whether to make a bolt for it, or hang around looking like lemons if no-one spoke, but as we wandered up to go, the lady who had shown us a seaat told us that there was coffee and biscuits and we would be extremely welcome to stop and have some if we wished. We couldn't turn down such a lovely offer. We got talking about all different things, the people there were so lovely. We started talking then to the man who had led the service, and he asked us where we were from, and whether we were on holiday. When we told him we were from Herefordshire, he said "Really, what part" so we told him a few miles east of the city. He then said that he knew a few people in Herefordshire, and then mentioned Tarrington, where MLOs Mums church is, and where the farm used to be, turns out, he knows people that MLO and his mum also know very well. Small world.
Half an hour later, after much talking, we decided we had better go, and so said our goodbyes. The lady whose name we found out was Helen, who had shown us our seat, actually thanked us for visiting their church, and said that she hoped we would be going again. We promised we would whenever we were next in that part of the world, and went on our way back to the campsite.
Later that day, we went along the coast towards Hunstanton, which we weren't particularly impressed with, but when we drove through we maybe missed the nicer parts, but it reminded us a bit of a small version of Rhyl. As we headed back along we thought we had better stop for lunch at some point. We came to the village of Thornham, and turned along a little road towards the sea, and came across a lovely looking pub called the Lifeboat Inn . Just in time for Sunday lunch, marvelous. It was lovely and the food was good too. As we were eating there was the sound of bells coming from outside, so we looked out, and a troop (is that the correct word?) of Morrismen had turned up to dance, along with an enormous green felt dragon, who kept peering in through the windows and frightening people, which was highly amusing.

Once Lunch was over and we were well fed and contented, we went on our way back to the campsite, and stopped at Burnham Deepdale to get some water from the shop. There just happened to be a church across the road, with a round tower, so, obviously, it required further investigation. In the porch is a pair of lovely medieval windows, one depicting the moon, and one the sun. Inside there is a lovely font showing twelve scenes from a farming year. The res of the church was quite interesting, with a tiny little chapel of sorts in the round tower end of the church.

I have written enough for today, I think, and will finish off tomorrow, and bring myself up to date, so for now, goodbye.

Seeing if the phone is good to blog.

2009-09-22T15:33:00.001+01:00

this is going to be another quick post, as it is entirely unscheduled. Mum has lent me her nokia n97 for a few days, and I am seeing whether blogging is at all possible on it. Which, due to the mini keyboard, is entirely possible and also quite enjoyable. I can type quite quickly with my two thumbs. Test post over now. Would be cool to blog when out and about on this phone. Shame she wants it back really. Never mind.

Back for a short one

2009-09-18T23:36:00.002+01:00

Well, hello there, long time no see. Did you miss me? No...... Oh well never mind. Anyway, I am back, but only for a short post right now, it is late after all. I really want to write a bit about Norfolk, but right now, I don't have the time, or energy to do that. Have been busy busy busy since we got back, so will attempt to give a full account tomorrow night. So tatty bye for now.

Days out, a birthday and supremely good news.

2009-09-06T23:59:00.001+01:00

I have retrieved the phone now, which contains the pictures, so can put them up on here.

As I said yesterday, mum and I went to Northampton on Saturday, and spent a bit of time whilst there looking round churches.There were three that we visited, the first we came across by chance, as we were walking into the town from the train station. This was the church of St Peter, and although it is still used, it is cared for by the Churches Conservation Trust. We had to go up the road to a local hotel in order to get the keys to open up the church, which we did after them taking ID etc. We then spent about an hour looking round and taking pictures. As we were leaving I heard someone at the gate outside, which we had locked up behind us, they wanted to come in. I had to explain that I needed to take the key back and sign it back in, before they could have it, and as such needed to follow me up the road so they could then sign it out. The man and the woman seemed a little miffed that I couldn't just give them the key, but I had no idea what would happen if I didn't take the key back.

Anyway, from there we carried on our way towards town, when mum saw a signpost for one of the other churches that we wanted to see, but it was heading up along the side of a very big and busy road, so we decided we would get into town and have a wander round there first. We went off to find the tourist information first to get a map of the town, and found the way to the church. So off we went to St Sepulchre church, one of only four churches in Britain , where the round church part is still standing. It was surprisingly huge inside, but lovely.

From there we left to go and find lunch somewhere, and ended up in M&S for a cheese and mushroom toastie, which is delicious. Suitably refreshed we set off into the own again, There was a huge market there so we had a mooch round that, then round some of the shops. We had enough a little while after and headed back to the station, but a different way to the one we had come into the town, and passed the church of All Saints, and as it was open, had to go in. What a lovely building, with probably the most comfortable pews I have ever sat on. Everything that could be was either painted, mainly brown or covered in gold.

Well, we left there eventually, and made our way home. Didn't do an awful lot in Brum once we had got back.

This last week has been quite an enjoyable one for me, not sure why, it just has. Monday was spent at home getting washing and things done, Tuesday was a day at work. Wednesday was MLOs birthday, so we went to one of his favourite food pubs for a celebratory lunch. Just outside Raglan by Monmouth, the Cripplecreek Inn, who do lovely roast lamb with mash and veg, swiftly followed by the largest individual berry pavlova I have ever seen in my life, thinking back I wish I had taken a photograph of it, as it was truly gargantuan. Once MLO had nobbled most of the cream, which I am not too fond of, I have to say it was utterly delicious. MLO had a rather more mundane piece of apple pie, which was only spectacular in its ordinariness, but as MLO is the worlds biggest apple pie fan, he was completely contented. We went to Monmouth afterwards but didn't stay long due to torrential rain making it pretty unpleasant going, especially so as we only had the one umbrella between us, and neither of us were wearing a jacket. We went home then after that. MLOs mother was away up in the peak district Wednesday and Thursday, so a blissfully quiet couple of day were had at home.

Thursday was work again, as was Friday, Saturday and again this morning (Sunday).

During the week, I finally sorted out whether I could have the few days of next week to go camping in Norfolk, and I am glad to say I can. So camping preparations are going at a great pace, time has crept up on us and overtaken without so much as a by or leave, and we have found that due to the fact that we are both working straight through to Tuesday evening, and with MLO having a meeting on Tuesday night there is practically no time to sort all the stuff out. We did manage to get our tent out and put it up in the back garden,to check to see if it was still waterproof. Being a heavy cotton canvas one, we weren't about to take any chances, so with MLO standing inside, and me totally drenching it with the hose outside, we couldn't find a single drip or leak, so good to go.

As I had work this morning, we could only get to the evening service. On the way to church, I had the strangest feeling that something was happening again, quite apart from my rumbling tummy, and got to church in a far more cheerful happy mood than I have done of late. Was a good service, quite amusing in parts, especially the part where the vicar sprang a new hymn on us, and the entire first verse was sung in silence and whispers as no one could figure out the tune, even the vicar was quiet on that point. Eventually someone sang out in the second verse, and everyone else gradually joined in as they got it. By the fifth and final verse we were going great guns. At the end of the service we said the usual goodbyes etc, then he mentioned the weather and we talked about going camping, then all of a sudden, he said that he was finally sorting out some dates for confirmation classes, but just had to finalise a date with the Bishop. All I could do was grin like a Cheshire cat and say thank you, and positively skipped out of church and back to the car. Still haven't stopped smiling yet. I had almost begun to think he had forgotten, but just when I feel something is going to happen, it does. Totally cool. Woohoo, yay etc. God really is Great. :-)

I have to be up early again for work tomorrow, and want to get quite a lot done there, so I must go for now. So TTFN. Good night etc.

Just a short one.

2009-08-30T23:36:00.003+01:00

I was wondering whether to post tonight, obviously, I decided that I would.

It hasn't been too bad a week this week, work went quite well, nothing disastrous happened, and yesterday I went with mum to visit Northampton. As neither of us had been there before, I thought it would make an enjoyable day out. Quite a nice place, and a few lovely and interesting churches to see there too, took a few pictures, but don't have the phone with me right now, so will post tomorrow all about them, and put a few pics in too, for good measure.

As it is my weekend off, we had church twice today, St Pauls Tupsley, this morning, and St Andrews Hampton Bishop, this evening. Fullish church as usual this morning, and an enjoyable service. This evening at St Andrews, as it was the fifth Sunday of the month, the service was from the Book of Common Prayer, rather than Common Worship. MLO was exceedingly happy, as it meant no peace. Being as it was an older service, there were a few extra people in church, who only ever come for that particular service, 21 rather than a usual 15 or so at best. Shame about the hymns though, not particularly singable. I cannot sing particularly high notes very well, but a lot of hymns are full of them. I end up either trying to sing low like the men or just mouthing the words in the high bits, otherwise I'd sound like a cat being castrated, not good I can tell you.

Anyway will post again tomorrow with pics from Saturday, and anything else I remember, so TTFN.

Mums up a mountain

2009-08-24T22:12:00.003+01:00

Monday again. As is usual on a Monday, I have had the day off work, and nothing happened, so nothing different there either. My mother on the other hand went to Snowdonia today, and caught the little train up to the top of Mt Snowdon, and while it was pouring with rain and dark grey cloud here, for a change the weather around Snowdon couldn't have been lovelier, warm, dry and a glorious blue sky. So mum was incredibly chuffed that she chose today to go.

By midday she was back down, and wondering what to do with the rest of her day. I suggested she go to The Electric Mountain, which isn't as hair raising as it may sound, but is a power station that was built inside a Snowdonian Welsh mountain. MLO and I visited it last November when we last went to North Wales. Really amazing how they had made enormous caverns inside the mountain to house all the generator equipment and water pipelines. One thing that really surprised me was the way they generate the electricity, and sell it on to the grid. The most surprising thing of all ,was the fact that they use more electricity in the process than they actually produce. Dreadfully wasteful, but apparently it makes them plenty of money, so that must be OK then. What they do is, right at the top of the mountain is a natural lake which they partially dammed, and put an enormous plug hole in (really), during the day, the plughole is opened and the flow of water is controlled through the many pipelines and drives various turbines to generate the electricity. The water that has flowed down, then empties into a lake at the bottom of the mountain. Because all this is done during the day, the electricity is sold at peak rate to the grid. Then, at night all the water that came down the mountain during the day, is slowly but surely pumped back up into the top lake ready for the next day. And although it uses a lot more electricity to take it back up, the company (First Hydro) buy the electricity that enables them to do it, at the cheap nightly rate, thereby creating a profit, but bizarrely for a power station using more electricity than it produces.

On the tour you are driven in to the mountain on a bus complete with hard hats, and get off at various points in the power station. There is one man made cavern there, that is the largest in Europe and contains the six main turbine generators , it is absolutely gigantic.

I have work again tomorrow, so should get to bed soon. MLO should have been out tomorrow judging maize crops for the agricultural society, but for some reason none of the farmers who should have been having their maize judged have got back to him, so no go there. If they aren't quick though it will be too late. He isn't too bothered though as he gets a lie in the morning, and the rest of the day off too. He's quite happy infact.

Next Wednesday is his birthday and quite brilliantly both of us have a free day, and his mum can't claim dibs on him as she is off on another holiday, have promised him lunch out but not sure where yet.

Garway church and work

2009-08-20T22:29:00.008+01:00

Nothing much to write about again today, but I thought I should at least make some sort of effort. When I looked at my blog earlier it had pretty blue pictures all over it telling me that I had exceeded my bandwidth. It wasn't me though but the person who was hosting the images for the template I use. I have now copied the images and saved them to a draft post so never need worry about bandwidth again.

Was a quiet day at work again, no surprises there. One exciting thing though we are going to have a complete makeover (the garage, not The Other Girl and I). After 10 years of putting up with dreadful magnolia walls and oil stained flooring, it's about time. We will have plumbed in heating too for the first time in years, which will be great. In winter, it is quite often warmer in the fridge than in the rest of the place. Had a chap in on Tuesday to measure the place up and decide on plans etc. Probably the least talkative man on earth. So spent a slightly uncomfortable couple of hours wondering whether to say something and not get an answer, or just say nothing and have him think me ignorant. I hate it when things like that happen.

Yesterday as MLO had to collect some paperwork from one of his farms, and I had a day off I went with him for a ride. Rather brilliantly, the farm was over at Garway, MLO said as I had wanted to go there for so long, he would take me there after finally figuring out where in the village it is. Nice old church it is, all angles where bits have been added, changed and joined together. We had a good look round the inside and took a few pictures, including one of a rather lovely green man. Inside it had some gorgeous old solid oak pews, but the poor place was very damp and dirty. Several of the steps had green algae on them. We decided to sit down for a few minutes when a couple of people came in, shortly followed by another. The last lady turned out to be some sort of guide, and was about to open up the tower for the other two people to look at and said we could come along too if we wished. As we went through she gave us all the history of the place and told us all sorts of stories about the church. Mainly about the Templars but that was to be expected I suppose.

One fascinating thing was that in the 16th century when a passageway was built to connect the tower to the church, the resourceful builders reused most of the templar tombstones as window lintels and steps, so when you look up above the windows there is quite often a carved sword or similar. The tower itself is 13th century, and has walls that are 4ft thick. It does feel incredibly old when you go in, and has two deeply recessed windows, that would look just as at home in a castle.

On the floor in the tower were some lovely old tombstones beautifully carved. In the corner was the door up into the tower, but the lady said they wont allow anyone up there any more, as it is so dark and narrow, plus she said with the tower being open there is bird doo all over the stairs. She said the last time anyone was up there was five years ago when they took a group up, problem was, one lady got so scared she refused to come back down the narrow stairs, and it took almost two hours to coax her down. Also in the room along with a rather nice collection of lawnmowers and bellringing ropes was an old oak chest, almost 7 ft long and made from a single block of wood, and the gnarliest metal hinges which the lady told us was thought to be an original templar chest, she mentioned that a dendrochronolgist had been and dated it, and he agreed with the dating. Apparently other tests had been done to determine how old it really was, and they too came to the conclusion that it was templar, but she wasn't sure what test it was that had been done.

After we had had another look round inside, and listened to a bit of the history of the place, we went for a wander round outside. A short distance across a bit of a run down orchard/paddock was the dovecote or columbarium, we didn't have much time to go and see it, besides which we hadn't asked the people who owned the land. All the time we were outside we could hear a bird of prey screeing, and looked if we could see it, from what we saw, and heard, it was probably a hen harrier, which is quite cool, thats twice I have seen one in Herefordshire now. He ended up sitting in a tree for several minutes and calling out almost the whole time, so no idea what was up with it. To finish, we strolled up to the top of the graveyard and took a couple of pictures looking down on the church to finish off.

We came home via a lovely road , and ended up coming out at Pontrilas, a very lovely detour indeed. We got home just after half past seven, and had shepherds pie for tea.

That just about all there is to tell now, so will say ttfn for now, and au revoir etc etc.

Walk along the Hereford to Gloucester canal, sunshine and church

2009-08-17T02:07:00.002+01:00

What a lovely day today has been, in all ways. Perfect weather, perfect company what more could anyone ask for?
Ended up missing church this morning, as helping MLOs mother get everything ready for the lunch today took rather longer than first thought, but nevermind. After that was done and she had been packed off to Tarrington to the hall along with MLO who had been roped in to set out the tables and chairs, I had a while to myself, so had a nice long conversation with God about stuff, and how it is going. It is a bit odd really though, not so long ago, whenever I was praying, or anything I almost had a feeling that He was there, right there, almost took it for granted, I suppose I imagined that it would always feel that way. Not entirely certain how I could ever go about explaining how I knew, if I try to say to MLO, it all sounds so vague. I need to try to explain myself a bit better, I really really do. Now, even though I am still certain that He is around all the time, it never seems as though He is right there at any point, that doesn't make much sense I know, I wish I could put it better. I'm useless at trying to explain why I feel how I feel about it all. I know all the reasons I have for it in my heart and head, but I always assume that isn't what people want to hear. Rightly or wrongly, probably wrongly for the most part.

Back to today, as MLO and I had planned to go on a walk today somewhere, we decided to go a couple of miles away to the village of Yarkhill, and a walk that was organised by the Herefordshire and Gloucestershire canal trust, along a section of the old Hereford to Gloucester canal that they have been restoring after having become overgrown after being disused for so long. After walking through fields that were being combine harvested we got to the canal after about 2/3 of a mile or so. I was surprised at how many people had turned out, although the weather was stunningly lovely, so that probably helped. To begin with we ended up going the wrong way, but had an extra bit of a walk that was just as enjoyable. We walked to the village of Monkhide to see the old skew bridge over the canal there, which the trust had restored previously. We realised that that wasn't where we should have gone, and walked back towards the village hall car park and on the way back found the gateway and field we should have gone through to start with. Had a lovely time. Saw a few people we knew, so stopped for a natter. Also saw loads of different animals, most common, still nice to see. There was a couple of buzzards overhead calling most of the time as well as a kestrel. Loads of pheasant that had been released in the local woods for the shoots, but had spread all over the place out of the woods, and were fair game for anyone. Rabbits by the hundred diving out of the wheat field being harvested,, someones jack russell dog had got rather over excited and was diving all over the place trying to catch himself a rabbit. Dragonflies too, and more long tailed tits in one place that I have ever seen before in my life. The cutest little birds imaginable.

Got home just before quarter to five, just in time to get cleaned up, changed and off to church for the evening service. The vicar was back today for the evening worship. Had a nice mix of hymns and a good sermon, and lots of lovely quiet. Quite amusingly MLO fell asleep during the intercessions , everyone was so quiet, then all of a sudden there was some serious heavy breathing going on next to me, I looked at him and his head was on his chest and he was fast akip., the lady sat next to him on the other side gave him a bit of a funny look too, so I tapped him and he woke up. Wouldn't believe me when I told him though. Made me smile. Got back home and MLOs mum had got back from the lunch, complete with what was left of the salads she had taken, so had salad for tea. She also brought back with her a rather delicious pear tarte tatin, which was utterly scrummy, and went down extremely well after salads.

Well there I am, up to date. Another day off work tomorrow yippee, have my washing to do then, so long as the weather stays dry and sunny, I should be able to get a lot done.

Off to bed now, so night night all.

A day in Hereford

2009-08-16T00:05:00.000+01:00

Well, another week has almost gone, halfway through August already. Unbelievable. At least the weather seems to have made its mind up as to which season it should be, and has finally settled on summer. Very warm, and sunny. Lovely.

Spent most of today in Hereford with mum, wandering round the shops and stopping for an occasional coffee. This week it has been the Three Choirs Festival in Hereford, an annual classical music festival that rotates between Gloucester, Hereford and Worcester. Most things took place in the cathedral, and has brought so many people into the city it has been wonderful. Really lovely and busy, in fact I would go so far as to say the place was buzzing.

As part of the festival, there was entertainment on the nearby Castle Green, a couple of minutes walk from the Cathedral , by the river. There were Morris men dancing when we arrived and all sorts of medieval re enactment things going on, from herbalists, to a weapons maker covered in fake blood busy telling children what his arrows could do to a Frenchman. There was also a pig roast too. Later a group from Herefords twin city Vierzon, in France played medieval instruments and danced in period costume, which was fun to watch.

This week has again been a a very quiet one at work, so nothing to tell there.

MLO and I went into Hereford on a flying visit on Wednesday to get some books back to the library and pick one up that I had had reserved for me, we popped into the map shop quickly, and they had a guide on the Norfolk Coastal path, complete with what to watch out for along the way, so we bought that, and also the maps we will need when we go. One thing I would love is one of the GPS units for walkers that you can have the entire Ordnance Survey maps on, but they are far to expensive, so I can continue to dream. One thing I am chuffed about is though; today I was looking at a medium rucksack in the camping stores round Hereford, but they were quite dear, on an off-chance, we went to TK Maxx, and lo and behold, they had two rucksacks of exactly the right size, a very good make, and less than a quarter of the price of elsewhere, so I was pretty chuffed with that.

Thats all for now, will blog tomorrow (probably) at some point, MLO and I will be going to church early, then back to help MLOs mum with the Agricultural Societies lunch. (Trumpet and District Agricultural Society). Will have to write something about them at some point. Anyway after we are going for a walk, then church in the evening again. Mister Vicar is back from his soggy week at New wine, so will be nice to see a familiar face again.

A holiday in the planning, and other stuff

2009-08-10T21:18:00.005+01:00

MLO and I have finally been able to get a few days together that don't clash with work or everything else, so that we can go off and get away from it all for a few days. Yay. So next month, we will be off for four whole days. Even better, I have finally persuaded MLO after 14 years of badgering to agree to go on a walking holiday. The kind where you leave the car, then walk for the next however long, stopping off en-route, each night and setting off again the next day. We will be carrying all our stuff in rucksacks so need to pack light. However, the only way I could convince him to agree, was to agree to going somewhere with no hills. So we will be walking the North Norfolk Coastal Path, which for the most part is flat, but with lovely views, and lovely places to visit along the way. Am really looking forward to it.
Yesterday, as the vicar was still away, we were very honoured to have the Archdeacon of Hereford the Ven Malcolm Colmer take the service, enjoyable service it was too. Afterwards MLO and I had a really long natter with C who we see every week, had a great laugh with him too, first time I had really talked with him since we started to go to the church.
Work was exceptionally quiet over the weekend, hardly came as a surprise though, seeing as it has been so quiet lately anyway.
Cannot think of much else to talk about right now, although I have been busy messing around on photoshop making new and pretty backgrounds for twitter and my computer.
Oh well, that really is all I can think of to write about now, will try to do something a little more interesting and less mundane, just so I can write about it, maybe I should start writing about what I read? I dont know. Anyway ttfn etc etc.

Thousands of ants, but no customers.

2009-08-06T23:19:00.005+01:00

A short post here, as I don't have much to tell, and am really wondering why I am bothering to spend time writing about the fact that I have nothing to write about, but there you go, I am in one of those sort of moods right now, so that probably explains it.
The last few days have been exceptionally quiet at work, I think most of the population of Herefordshire have gone on holiday to sunnier climes, so very very quiet.
The weather today decided to be dry for the first time in ages, so there has been a mad flurry of combining and spraying and other things while the weather remains dry, round about the county. We have been quite lucky with the weather here it seems, in Warwickshire there have been downpours. After a small chance of rain here tonight it is set fair for the next week or so, but mainly cloudy, not much sun.

Yesterday at home we were invaded by flying ants. They all seemed to hatch at once, and at one point the grass of one of the front lawns was literally seething with them, a little while later though and they had almost all flown off. Spoke to an old boy who comes in occasionally, Mr M, and the same thing happened at his farm, at the same time too. When I was younger, and still lived in Birmingham, it used to happen there too, on one single day there would be flying ants everywhere, as they all seemed to hatch at the same time. The pavements used to get into a gunky mess from all of the ants that had been trodden on.
MLO and I have been trying to figure out when we can get away together this year, so far we haven't managed to get away, but the beginning of September is looking hopeful. Fingers crossed.
Have been having a few talks with MLO about stuff the past few days, figuring things out a bit more. Strange feeling lately though, everything has gone a bit quiet, not a completely bad feeling, just a bit odd, need to have a good old thinking and praying session. Preferably in peace and quiet, but that is a bit of a rare commodity lately, so will see how I get on. Other than that all is ok.
Anyway have work again in less than 8 hours, so must get off to bed asap, so night night.

Coventry Cathedral, rain and Phil Rickman

2009-08-03T01:05:00.000+01:00

It is rather a long time since I last blogged, but, up until yesterday, there really was nothing worth writing about, just the usual work and day to day stuff.

However yesterday, was my Saturday off, so went up to Birmingham to go and see mum. After having visited Birmingham every other Saturday off, I had become a little bored with it, and so decided to go and visit elsewhere. Yesterday was the turn of Coventry. Poor old Coventry is not the most pleasant of cities, although if you leave the main center of the town, there are some lovely Medieval areas left to explore, and of course there are the two cathedrals, which were the main reason for our visit.

On Friday night when I was mooching around on the net for inspiration of where to visit, I found out about a rail ticket that I had not previously known about, that allowed me to have unlimited travel in an area from Crewe to Stoke in the north, west to Shrewsbury, Gobowen and Hereford in the west, and Northampton, Lichfield and Stratford in the east and South, all for only £3.40 more than my regular return ticket, which seemed like stunning value, so of course, I bought one.

In the end, we only went to Coventry, as we took so long there, but still it was a saving. I had been to the new cathedral previously, and have gone from hating the sight of it when I first saw it years ago, to actually thinking of it as really lovely and incredibly impressive this time, it is definitely a building that grows on you, given the chance, but on first impressions I think you either love it or don't. When you first go in, it does look incredible grey and industrial, but that is before you see the incredible stained glass windows and the tapestry. As you walk along the cathedral to the top, the windows are revealed one by on, until looking back you see every one glowing thee full height of the cathedral building.

When we arrived there was a choir practicing, with the organ accompanying them, so were treated to some wonderful music, and standing dead center between the two halves of the organ when it was in full belt, was rather amazing, a group of German tourists were stood there some with their mouths open at how amazing it sounded, and with the choir singing center ahead of us, truly spectacular.

Before we went into the new cathedral , we had had a wander round the old one. Even though most of the body of the building was missing,, parts of the walls too and the roof completely and utterly absent, it still felt very much like a cathedral, and would be a lovely place for a service on a hot summers (dry) day. When we came to leaving the cathedral, we happened to have a look outside, and the rain was hammering down. Again. I was lucky in that I remembered to put my waterproof jacket in my bag that morning, and so we ventured out into it, it got so heavy at one point that there was a mist almost 2 or 3 feet high from the rain hitting the ground. We got about 20 yards, then decided that being out in the rain was not so wise, and dived into the cathedral shop, as had quite a few others. Had a bit of a look round, then mum decided we should go to the Transport museum, also in the city center. Quite a fascinating place, with vehicles from Victorian times to the present day, including a rather gorgeous brand new Jaguar. The Thrust SSC, holder of the world land speed record, breaking the sound barrier and reaching a speed of 763mph. Unfortunately as we had arrived at the museum only and hour before they were due to close, they had closed off some of the areas of the museum, including the one with the Thrust. Bit of a bugger really, but as it cost nothing to get in, will visit again soon.

On to Sunday, and church this morning, quite enjoyable. As the vicar is away at a New Wine thing this week, along with about 40 of the congregation, we had a lady from the Cathedral doing the service. She explained about the precautions to do with swine flu, and said as such, there would be no wine whatsoever, not even for dipping the bread in, slightly ott really. She then said we were to refrain from shaking hands at the peace, just nod at each other, this didn't go down to well. She explained that the Bishop had sent them memo's with the guidelines on, at that point a woman stood up, and said, in a rather consternated voice "I think you will find it was actually the Archbishop" , then promptly sat down again. Left the poor vicar slightly taken aback a bit, and then she explained to everyone that the Archbishop had indeed originally set out what should be done, but that the Bishop of Hereford had been the one who had it said to her. Not quite sure what the woman thought she was achieving, in standing up and saying that, but she said it in such a way that it was almost as if she was implying the vicar was lying. When the vicar had explained, a good many people looked at the woman as if to say "Thats you told then". Quite amusing really.

In the afternoon, we went over to the west of Hereford to a place called Kinnersley Castle, for a book launch of Phil Rickman's new book Merrily's Border, all about the place mentioned in his novels, with photographs and a bit of history to go with them. A very atmospheric old house, but nice and homely. There was a couple of tables there with various books, one with all Phil Rickmans novels for sale, including the ones he wrote under the name Will Kingdom, and on the other were books from his current books publisher Logaston Press. There were so many people there, wandering all over the house and gardens. Wine was there as were nibbles. When we arrived people were sat all over the place, up the stairs on sofas, lovely and relaxed there, not at all like any other book launch I remember. Phil Rickman himself was playing in the band on guitar, sounded pretty good too. A bit folky sounding for my taste, but still good. Well I made my purchase and MLO and I went off for a bit of a mooch around, the came in and went in the one room where he had encamped, to get my book signed. An hour or so later, we decided to go. Just as we were leaving we passed a car where, because of the wet the man had got himself into a pretty impressive rut, and who then decided the best way to get out of it would be to rev as hard as he could. Not the cleverest of plans. So MLO and I decided we had better help them. We got behind the car, and we said that if we rocked the car it should come free quite easily, so we rocked, and rocked a bit more, and rocked it forward far enough that Mr driver finally found some grip and got free. In return MLO and I got extremely muddy feet. Fun though.
We got home, and before we had had time to turn around, we had to get back off for evening church. We had a different vicar again, who did things a bit differently to the regular vicar, but everyone has a different way.
Anyway, that is me up to date, at last. Not sure what I will be doing tomorrow, so not sure if I will blog yet or not, will see how it goes. TTFN etc.

Lots of sorting out, and crumble for pudding

2009-07-27T22:21:00.004+01:00

I am currently sat in the study, wondering where Sunday afternoon and today have gone to. Way way way too fast for my liking. Work again tomorrow. Hasn't been too bad a day today though, quite enjoyable really. Decided to be quite ruthless with myself, and have started going through a load of my old things, have found bags of things that I wont mind getting rid of, which is quite an accomplishment when I don't have an awful lot, but obviously quite a bit more than I first thought. Books, magazines, old computer games and things, clothes, lotions and potions that I have never started or opened, films I no longer want and music that I have got fed up with, not sure whether to do a car boot, or just take it to a couple of charity shops in Hereford. I think the charity shop idea sounds better.

I made a blackberry, apple and raspberry crumble for pudding tonight, it started out life as a blackberry and apple crumble, but I remembered some polish raspberry syrup I had bought and so added a couple of tablespoons of that to it, very nice , with hot custard. MLO said he enjoyed it, so did his mum, which was quite surprising.

Yesterday when I was getting ready for church, I was listening to Radio 3, when the most beautiful piece of music came on, I cant remember the exact title unfortunately, but I think it was called "When the winds have stopped", and was a man called Gasparyan, on an Armenian instrument called a duduk, with the Bulgarian Orchestra. The most hauntingly beautiful piece of music I have heard for a long time. I tried googling it, but no luck, but did find plenty different music of his, including two albums on Spotify.

Ah, after doing a bit more searching around on youtube, I don't think that it was in fact Gasparyan playing, I think he must just have been mentioned in passing. The title, is "The winds have dropped" and is played here by Lévon Minassian

Other than cooking and sorting, I haven't really done much today. Yesterday, I had work in the morning, and yet again, as on all other recent Sundays, it was incredibly quiet. I would say, I don't know why we open on a Sunday, but if we didn't, then that would mean me and the other girl, each taking home over £1000 less per year, an amount that neither of us could really afford to not be paid. So while I wish we didn't have to, I am also rather glad that we do.

It was utterly tipping it down with rain yesterday afternoon, and had to dress up to the nines in wet weather clothing to go to church. The car park is a little too far away to be able to make a dash for it, and the path also goes through the churchyard, so not only would it feel weird running there, but it is also rather muddy and puddly. When we got into the porch, the benches were covered in an assortment of jackets and umbrellas, even a bicycle, although I don't think anyone was relying on that to keep themselves dry. C arrived while we were shaking ourselves off, with his usual cigarette in hand. Anyway we all went in, there were quite a few more people in there than usual, and where we usually sit, had been reserved by someone by placing a collection bowl and two hymn books on the seat. This left us with a dilemma, having to decide where to sit. Only having had to do this on two previous occasions, once when we first went there, and again at Easter when nearly every seat was taken, we really didn't know where to sit for the best, but opted for the back, behind everyone else. It was another enjoyable service, with great hymns again. I have no idea who picks them, but they are great for a good old sing. We had one that I love, "Come Holy Spirit, our souls inspire" we had one last week sung to the same tune but different. This is the Third time we have had that one since we have been going, so someone else obviously likes it too. When it came to Communion, I wasn't the only one not to go up for a change, so I didn't feel so much of a sore thumb. Thing is though, as each week goes by it gets more difficult somehow, I feel like shouting let me up there for heavens sake, and while I know I can be blessed, it doesn't seem right, not that being blessed feels wrong, but that going up, and kneeling in the line and not receiving, like I am interloping in something so special, between everyone else, and Jesus, not that anyone makes me feel that way, it is just how I feel myself. I just wish I could take Communion. I feel quite sad that I cant yet, and have to wait on the Bishop to have a space in his diary to enable me to do so. Not that I am having a go at him for being busy, just that it at times seems to me that if a person wants with all their heart and soul to take Communion, then surely that should be enough to enable them to do so, and if done without thought or reason then that is something they will have to sort out between themselves and God.

Sorry about that, it is just how I am feeling right now, well, also how I feel every time I go to church to be honest, I realise that a great many people will disagree with me, but I wonder how many who do, do so from the privileged position of having been confirmed when they were young, and never having to have sat though Communion and not take part, despite it being their dearest wish to do so and wanting to with all their heart.

I didn't manage to say much to the vicar, as I expected, but that was more due to the fact that there were a lot of people for him to get through saying goodbye to. He did ask us if we were going on Holiday anywhere though, just as I was thinking of mentioning something an old boy who goes there sometimes popped up, impatient to leave as his wife was waiting for him out in the car park, so we left to let him say his good byes.

Anyway, it is now rather late, and I have work in the morning, so really I should get to bed. So night night.

Perfect weather, and washing

2009-07-25T17:22:00.007+01:00

Today, I have the rarest of commodities - a Saturday all to myself. Lucky me eh? My mum, who would usually have the pleasure of my company every other Saturday (the week I am not working), has decided that she wanted to go off for a bit of a mooch round Huddersfield and the local area. MLO is at the football and has been since just after 11 this morning, MLOs mother was also out, first at a coffee morning in Tarrington, then also at the football, helping with the teas, before the match and at half time. I should at this moment mention the team that they support- Hereford United. Rather to MLOs disdain I do not support them myself, much preferring other sports like the Moto GP, and especially Valentino Rossi. Can that man ever ride.

Back to today, the weather here has been completely and utterly perfect, bright blue sky, lovely and warm, a few fluffy white clouds, and a gorgeous breeze, all of which also made it a perfect day for doing washing. The weather has been quite awful for the last week or so, except Monday when I was out all day, so washing has mounted up, and needed doing desperately. It is almost all dry and crisp and smelling gorgeous now, with only one lot left to hang out. All I need to worry about now is the ironing, and I really do not like doing that, not one bit! I may leave that till tomorrow, when I get back from work.

Someone close has just got a barbecue on the go, oooh it smells wonderful, not sure what the smoky smell will add to my washing outside but never-mind. I wonder if we should have one, last chance for quite a while according to the weather forecast earlier on, tomorrow is going to be atrocious weather wise by all accounts.

All my washing is now dry and lovely, but as yet remains un-ironed. MLO and his mother have now returned from the football, and are busy tucking in to grilled gammon and mash. Must go and have my shower soon, so my hair is dry ready for work (it takes hours and hours to dry), then to bed.

Will only be going to the evening service at the country church tomorrow, due to working, but it is much better than not being able to go at all. I would get all jittery if I couldn't go. Will try to pluck up the courage to talk to the vicar tomorrow, and see if we can have another chat or not, as I now seem to have far more questions than I did before, although I can't believe that it was four weeks ago, time has flown by. Problem is, I am not sure how exactly I should phrase what I want to say, without appearing either ungrateful, impatient, or pushy, perhaps I shouldn't say anything at all, and leave it a while longer? I don't know.

Anyway, must go for now, will probably be back tomorrow after work and church, so TTFN all.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and today

2009-07-22T23:05:00.014+01:00

Right. Here goes my second attempt at last nights disappearing post.

On Monday, MLO and I went to the Royal Welsh Show, near Builth Wells. We started out nice and early, and arrived up there at about quarter to eight, and caught the shuttle bus to the show ground from our car park. Each year several fields are rented from local farmers to act as car parks. This year the view from the park was glorious, although you cant actually see the show-ground from here. Where we were was up on quite a bank, which was great going down but one heck of a slog going back up, and when we went back to our car in the evening there were a few people struggling to get up the hill to the top and their cars, which I thought lacked planning somewhat.

When we arrived at the show, we first stopped to have our breakfast, and went to our usual place, right by the bandstand, and had a coffee, whilst listening to a Welshman singing rousing Welsh tunes. At that point the day seemed to be warming up a little, so we decided to visit the food hall while it was still cool, and most importantly fairly quiet. There was nothing particularly interesting or different to see in there though, although I did notice that our local vodka distillery had failed to show up. Literally five minutes away from us, in the middle of the Herefordshire countryside, but we have never visited them, or drunk their vodka for that matter, but it is supposedly really rather nice.

Back to the show, we next decided to visit the stock sheds, here, are thousands of animals (sheep, cattle, goats, and pigs) all on show and entered into various competitions for their various individual breeds and across all sheep, cattle etc. The sight of all these animals there on display is amazing, with people having brought them from all across Wales, the borders and farther afield in the hope of a win. Each of the animals there is in its prime, and represent all the best of British breeding and farming, some individual animals there , could be worth in excess of 100,000 guineas, mainly because of their breeding, and the traits and family that they will pass on, most of these animals are used purely for breeding and don't mix with commercial herds or flocks, with the exception of the dairy animals, which are milked two or three times daily along with all the rest of the herd.

We must have spent about three hours looking round all the stock, MLO saw his cousin who was showing British blue cattle (until a couple of years ago they were called Belgian blues). From there we decided it was time for a nice cup of tea, so visited the National Trust cabin there, with a bit of a tearoom round the side, where a cup of tea or coffee and a piece of various home made cakes only costs £2.50, with all the money going back into the National Trust, so money well spent. Delicious carrot cake too. :-)

After all that, we decided that a spot of retail therapy was in order and we wandered over to the shopping village, where you can buy anything from mugs, to Barbours, and plants to a brand new tractor. If we had had the money and the inclination to do so, we could have come home with a myriad of utterly useless things. On show in the machinery village, was the debut of the worlds most powerful 4wd tractor, an absolute behemoth of a Massey Ferguson, it was huuuge, but rather nice looking for a tractor.

After that we ended up by the main ring, just in time to see tham judging the shire horses, which were followed by the sheepdog handling, with a champion from England, Ireland ,Scotland and Wales competing in it, they had to get the dog to take the sheep around a set course with various things that they had to complete, such as getting them through a set of hurdles set in the design of a cross, through a gate, into a holding pen and having to separate, two sheep out of the five, and then one from out of the five, not as easy as it may sound. After all their efforts, Wales came first, and rather unsurprisingly a huge cheer went up from the grandstand.

The day went quite quickly, but then it always does when you are having fun, and it was soon time to get back home. We left just after six thirty, and called in at a pub just outside Hereford (The Bell at Tillington) for Dinner.They do a mean steak, it was delicious.

On to Tuesday, and most of it was spent at work, so nothing to report there, except for the fact that it was mind numbingly dull and quiet again. Nothing happened, and no-one came in.

Back to Sunday, we went to both the morning and the evening services, the morning one was enjoyable and busy, but the evening on was quieter, being evening worship. We arrived a little late which was quite awkward, and led to a bit of a kerfuffle as everyone budged up to fit us in. The vicar did things a little differently this time, and in addition to the piece of music we listen to , and the hymns, we also sang the psalm. Which was nice. The hymns we sang were quite chanty as well. Very enjoyable all the same though.

Onto today, and my mum came down for the day instead of last Saturday when I was working. I had intended for the three of us to go to Cardiff by train for the day, but it would have cost in excess of £50, a completely unjustifiable amount to me, for an hour by train. So instead we spent the morning in Hereford, we had scrambled egg on toast for breakfast from Cafe at All Saints, then went for a wander round the cathedral. Next stop was White Castle in Monmouthshire, a surprisingly large castle, with the most amazing moat, incredibly deep and steep sided, and most impressively, it was filled with water. Inside was huge, and despite really not liking heights, I braved the climb to the top of the tower, and was glad I did, as the views were spectacularly beautiful in all directions. We finished looking round and drove into Abergavveny for a late lunch.

On the way back, we tried to find the church at Garway, but yet again failed miserably. It's there somewhere, I just don't know where. Will try to find again.

Anyway thats me up to date, may post picture of today, tomorrow as I dont have MLOs phone with me, and I took the pictures on that. My phone is poorly and has been sent to the phone doctor for a diagnosis.

SO, ttfn etc. Bye

Another missing post.

2009-07-22T00:31:00.002+01:00

After accidentally posting my post too soon (IE before I had finished it), I began to edit. Just when I thought I had finished I went to post, but it didn't, and promptly reverted to the original I had mistakenly posted. Right now I am too tired to bother to re write it all, so I will do it tomorrow. Buggering annoying though.

Light through the trees

2009-07-18T14:34:00.002+01:00

What can I
  Say about
   The light
Filtering through lime trees
  Sat
   Shelling peas
Till my fingers turned greener than grass.
What can I say
  Of my life
Of cares yet unknown
  Or
Cared for in one
  Yet ungrown
Into knowing or strife.
How could I know
That the flowers
Would grow and
   Petals would fall
  In the wind that blew through my soul.
What could I do
If.
If I knew what would come
Would I stop
Before I'd begun
   Or
Stare at those trees
As they blew in the wind
In degrees
Turning seasons
Forgiving
And reasons
Begging for answers
  As ransoms
  For wrongs.
Silent music, as songs
That were sung
As cheerful as one
  With the knowledge
That life
That this life
Was all there was
And for fun
Would I still sit there
And stare at the light
That filtered through those trees.
A dappling breeze
And a scent of a promise
Through speckles of gold on the ground
   And found
That it wasn't enough
Would i pick up my axe
And cut down those trees
  Trunk branch limb and leaf
A blessed relief
The light must be free
Then
To have cut down those trees
And discover
A cloud
I cant reach
Beyond my control
A breach
Of what I understood
Now if I could
I'd put back the trees
Re grow the wood
But I cant.

Remembering a summer..

2009-07-17T22:35:00.006+01:00

Hi again :-)
Today has been an enjoyable kind of a day, got quite a bit done at work, and you can actually see where I have been. Have been in an unexpectedly chill kind of a mood today, which has actually been quite nice. What will be will be, etc etc. Still am to be truthful.
Have found a song on spotify that I absolutely adored about 14 years ago, and haven't really heard since, so happy to hear it again, This Summer by Squeeze. This is a song from a long hot and beautiful summer, when I was 19 and life was brilliant and full of everything. I sang and sang this song till I was singing it in my sleep. It was the year I met MLO. It Said everything really. I cant help but feel completely and utterly contented overjoyed and happy when I hear it.

I can remember walking in the fields with the smell of freshly harvested corn on the air, hearing the insects buzz, and climbing up onto stacks of bales and watching the sun go down, running just for the fun of it. Eating lunch out in the fields on a scorching hot afternoon sitting on the bales and drinking cider, you could almost hear the heat bearing down. When we moved the stacks of bales there would always be rats underneath which used to run into the middle until there was only one or two bales left,and when it was moved they would scatter in every direction, the dogs used to love that. Going to the pub riding bikes along country lanes that were deserted (before people "discovered" Herefordshire. James the mad artist, who used to go round with his mate in a n old fiat 500 standing up through the roof with a massive water pistol soaking anyone who he saw, and shouting "I am Mr Seagull, then squawking just like one. He used to come up into the field to paint us, then went off to paint for the Sultan of Brunei. He took the paintings of us with him, so as far as I know, we are gracing the palace walls somewhere. Going for horse rides wherever I felt like, then tearing up the lane at full gallop whooping like a mad thing. MLO coming over the top lane from his farm to me no matter what time of night it was, just so we could see each other.

That was the year that the "Beast of Herefordshire" appeared. It was identified from the witness accounts as a black panther. Lots of the local people and farmers saw it. MLO and I saw it twice, once, one the Ledbury - Hereford road, by a farm called Court y parc and once on the top lane, each time it turned to look at us, so there was never any doubt as to what it was. The police reported it to the Hereford times, when they saw it at the end of MLOs farm drive. It had made some sort of a den in our top field, it had scratched all up the one tree up to higher than we could reach, and there was one heck of a stink. Earlier that year when it first appeared, and I was still working on the neighbouring farm to MLO, I used to walk round the sheep in the morning to check on them and make sure the water troughs were filling up, I did and everything was OK. Less than four hours later and we took some grain over to the sheep, and there right in the center of the field in between the wood and the bank, was a freshly killed carcase, all that was left was the skeleton the head, part of the throat and two back legs. when we looked at it, you would swear it had been stripped clean with a razor, and the throat had obviously been ripped out. Not a very comforting thing to find in the middle of rural England. I am sure I saw it in one of the cornfields ahead of of me one day about June I could see the corn swaying, and I thought one of the dogs had followed me up, so I called and it stopped. Something made me quite scared at that moment so cut across a couple of tramlines to the side and up to the top, and the lane. As I reached the top, I looked back, and saw a glossy black back disappearing down the field. As soon as it was out of sight, I shot out into the lane, and ran the fastest I ever have back to the safety of the farm. Heck I was scared, shaking all over. The beast was seen on and off after that year, and then not heard from again, but the rumour was that a local old boy had knocked it flying when he was driving home one night, and it had staggered off into an orchard, funnily enough, just by where we had seen it the once.
Anyhoo, I have work again tomorrow, despite it being my weekend off, but hey, never mind. As such, it is time I was off to bed, so night night everyone. Sleep tight, mind the bugs don't bite.

2009-07-16T23:17:00.001+01:00

Rain, lots of it.

2009-07-16T22:19:00.005+01:00

As the weathermen promised, it has started to rain. They said it would arrive at about four this afternoon, and, at four this afternoon, just as we were promised, it started to rain. Not a gentle warming up either, it really went for it and started tipping it down almost immediately. For the next two hours it was almost like a monsoon outside, but then as suddenly as it started, it stopped again. It is still dry as I write this (20 past 10), but we have been warned to expect dreadful weather tomorrow. Thunder lightning, high winds and more torrential rain. So long as nowhere gets flooded out, I shall be loving every moment of it. Although as we have been more or less promised this weather, I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up coming to nothing, it is suspiciously calm and dry outside right now.

Today at work was as usual, quiet, so no surprises there. Managed to get quite a bit more reading done with all the peace and quiet -Sometimes my job can be wonderful.

I watched the new X files movie the other night after I had gone to bed, MLO had bought it in one of the sales in town. Not a patch on the old series, no depth, and the characters didn't act like themselves, and the plot -what on earth was that all about? Sorry, you can probably tell I was less than impressed. After loving the X files from when I was in school, and the first movie carrying on where the series left off, to be presented with the pile of drivel that is the second movie, I was not impressed. Rant over, but it could have been so very much better.

Oh well, am off to bed now, and I think I will watch Waking Ned, or Father Ted, not sure which yet. But both side splittingly funny. Off to bed now, so night night.

2009-07-16T01:23:00.000+01:00

Wednesday is library day.

2009-07-16T00:59:00.004+01:00

Just another quickie, as it is late, and I really ought to be in bed. Have had quite an enjoyable day today. It was a day off work you see, so that helped. Went to the library earlier on today, turns out the books hadn't even been issued to me, as they didn't show up against my account, I had wondered why they didn't appear on my online account page, but sort of assumed that there was a software glitch somewhere. The woman in the library couldn't thank us enough.
From there, we nipped across the road for a coffee at the cathedral, well, MLO had a coffee and I had a tea. Lovely pot of tea it was too, we treated ourselves at the same time, I had millionaires shortbread and MLO had a delicious toasted teacake. Both were lovely.
Only had an hour in town though so had to leave.
The weather today has been utterly lovely. Wall to wall sunshine and not too hot to enjoy it. Perfect. MLOs mum went to Powis castle today and apparently had a lovely time there. She also had a letter off the hospital saying everything was hunky dory. She had had anemia and got a bit depressed after she convinced herself she had cancer after reading a magazine article, but after the doctors reassuring her she had nothing of the sort and after several tests she finally got the idea out of her head. Now with the letter, they have officially finished with her, she is so relieved, and said seeing it in a letter was a more definitive "You are OK, we don't need to see you again, bye", than just hearing the doctors tell her while she was there.

Have been adding a few things here and there to my blog, including a forum of all things. Whether anyone visits it remains to be seen, but hey it didn't cost anything so will be fun seeing what happens there.

Have been feeling a bit strange the last few days, almost like I know I should be doing something, but am buggered if I can remember or figure out what it is. I get the feeling that I need to talk to the vicar, but why I think that I don't quite know, will be in church on Sunday though so will try to talk then, if the service is quite quiet anyway, wont get a chance otherwise.

Work again in the morning, so now am off to bed.

New design - ooh the excitement...:-)

2009-07-15T00:33:00.005+01:00

Well what do you think of my new look for the blog? I hoped it would make it look a bit more with it, as the previous design and colour sheme were a little bit brown shall we say, and anyway, I fancied a change. Have been messing around on it and have managed to add a table of contents and am busy setting up a links page. Will play around with it a bit more I think until I am entirely happy with it, but it is nearly there.

The next thing I would really like to add, is an image of some sort along the top, but as there was no provision made for an image in the templates header, other than a small logo, I will have to tinker around with it a bit.

Back to the day to day now. The weather has been very on and off today, one moment bright lovely sunshine, then a couple of seconds later a torrential downpor. We had one yesterday and the wind got up so quickly, and ferocious, I had never seen anything like it. Crazy weather.

Work started off brilliantly this morning, then at around 11 the customers just stopped coming,could however have been something to do with the weather.

Anyway, just a quick one tonight, will hopefully post again tomorrow, so night night.

Sunday almost Monday

2009-07-12T23:29:00.005+01:00

Sunday is all but over now.

Started the day at work, as usual it was exceptionally quiet, actually more so than usual, have just realised that a couple of the Sunday regulars failed to turn up. Wonder what happened to them?

The weather this morning was positively dreadful, the wettest kind of rain imaginable, horrible mizzly stuff. Yuk. But as the day wore on , the weather improved until this afternoon and it was doing a passable impression of a summers day. Couldn't go to the town church's morning service due to work, but we did go to the evening service at the country church, got there a little earlier than we usually do, but oddly enough, so it seemed had everyone else. Must have been something in the air I think. Anyway the service started at the usual time, we were all stood up at the beginning, singing our hearts out to the first hymn, then the door started rattling, thought at first it may have been the wind, but it did it again. Where we sit in church is right by the entrance, so that when anyone walks in they are literally greeted by us (MLO and I) smiling at them. A moment later and the door opens a few inches, then stops, intriguing. A few more moments later and a head appears, shortly followed by the rest of a body. K who hands out the hymn books leapt to his feet to hand one out, along with the service booklet. The lady looked around and sat opposite us. Most people turned to see who had interrupted, then got on with singing and K went back to his seat. A minute or so later, and the door started rattling again. This time it opened up and revealed another person wanting to come in. Up K leapt again, to hand out the required bits. The gentleman looked a bit perplexed then went and sat down next to the woman who had previously come in late.

As the service went on, they appeared to be a little uncomfortable, and spent a lot of time discussing something between themselves. When ever we needed to stand, either for hymns or the reading, this entailed a huge amount of face pulling and discussion. When we got to the peace, they did what we used to do and stayed put in their seats. Roll on towards the end of the service and just as we got to the last hymn, they abruptly stood up, but their books on the table and walked out. Smiled at them as they left, but just got frowned at. Not sure what we had done wrong, or what they had a problem with. Wonder if they will be back next week? Just cant work out why they felt it necessary to leave when it would have all been over in ten minutes anyway. Never mind. Nowt so queer as folk.

An enjoyable sermon this week, considerably more light hearted than last Sundays, which was pretty deep. All about us becoming reconciled in Christ, that by fully giving ourselves to Him. By recognising all our faults and admitting them , and being fully aware of ourselves helps us on our way to achieving that. Quite interesting as I had previously done the little exercise the vicar had given me to do with that, but had also just started to read "The interior Castle" by St Teresa of Avila, and had read a fair bit at work this morning. The main gist of the book, from what I have so far gathered, is that in order to know God and Jesus fully, we must fully know and understand ourselves, to look right inside ourselves, and when we have done that, and in the process of doing so , we can know Him more fully, as she believed that God resides in our souls, and only through a thorough understanding of our soul can we ever hope to have a true knowledge of God. Obviously she went into a lot more detail than that, wrote a whole book on the subject, but I think that is the main gist of it. I thoroughly recommend reading it, as what I have read of it so far, is an engrossing and very enjoyable read indeed. The version I am reading was translated by Mirabai Starr, but as this is the only version I have read, I have no idea whether it is better or worse than any other.

Quite a while ago, I joined facebook, just for the heck of it, and joined a Phil Rickman group on there, really just expecting it to be the kind of group where an occasional member pops up and posts a message, asking whether there are any other members out there. I was pleasantly surprised when I started to get occasional messages from the group. The most recent I was quite excited about. He is bringing out a new book, "Merrily's Border" containing photographs of various locations that he writes about in his books, along with a bit of information about the places, he will be launching the book in August at Kinnersley Castle in Herefordshire, a place I have always wanted to visit as it looks so spooky from the road going by. There will be music, performed by Hazey Jane II perhaps even with Lol Robinson making an appearance, and a great excuse to eat drink and be merry. I will be going with MLO as it is only about 15 miles away from here. What amazed me was the number of fans he has from all around the world, although to be fair, I shouldn't be that surprised, as he does write ruddy good books. I still think of him as very much a local writer, being able to picture each place he mentions and knowing some of them extremely well.

Heck, it is late again, I really must get to bed, have been listening to Aled Jones again, and his voice always makes me sleepy. So off to bed it is for me. So nighty night.

It is all in ze point, you see?

2009-07-10T23:24:00.004+01:00

Well hello. (Said in a Leslie Phillips style accent).

Not sure why I have chosen to blog today, but as I had interesting (by recent standards anyway) things occur today at work, I felt I would make the effort.

This afternoon a German registered Volvo pulled in, and out got a very tall man, who rather unsurprisingly then filled his car up. A few minutes later he was all done and came in to pay. He had some of the most amazing eyebrows I have ever seen, they started at the inside corner of his eye, and then proceeded up his forehead at a perfectly straight 45 degree angle, made him look like a stern version of Mr Spock -minus the ears. He had a wonderful accent and spoke lovely English, when he paid he had to sign for it rather than use a pin number, he was very very particular about signing it too. When he presented it to me with rather a flourish, I said "Ooh..looks near enough to me" and grinned at him. My attempt at humour managed to completely pass him by, as he pointed at the receipt with his signature on and said " It is all in ze point, you see?" I didn't see and frowned at him a little, and he then went on to explain that in Germany someone had stolen his card and tried to forge his signature, which by all accounts was pretty good, except they forgot to dot the i, and his exceptionally efficient bank picked up on it. "It is all in ze point, you see". Well, now I did see. He laughed about it then and went off with a smile and a wave. I'll not forget him saying that for a while.

Later on one of our account customers came in with their children who were allowed to choose an ice cream, anyway as they were leaving I said thank you very much to the dad, who said thank you back, two children went out completely enraptured by the ice cream which they held in their hands, then the third, a boy, only about 5, said so seriously and sweetly "Thank you very much" I could have hugged him, he was so, so sweet and polite.

Later still and P the old goat came up to visit. His back is still playing him up poor old bugger. However he seems more worried lately that he is going to be visited this next week by a couple of doctors from the local mental health hospital. I think one of his friends may have suggested that he is getting a bit senile, but from what I have seen -although I am certainly no expert, he seems almost all there, no different from MLOs mother who is the same age. But then again I only see him for a short time in the day. He really isn't happy about it, and I think he is quite scared that they will decide he cannot take care of himself, and move him away from the village which is where he is happy, and where all his friends are. If he had to move, it would do far more damage than good right now, I know that.

Anyway, that is about it for now. Will see what tomorrow has to offer, but first, sleep. So night night.

Nothing happened today

2009-07-09T22:29:00.003+01:00

Thursday again.

I have been blogging less frequently lately, I would say I don't know why, but in fact I do, I simply don't have much to say, tell or talk about. Sad really; but the day to day of everyday life, hardly seems worth the effort to blog.

I suppose I could make up a fantastical alter ego, who lives a particularly exciting and brave kind of life, but that would just be silly, so I wont.

All I seem to do lately, is get up, go to work, come home cook, eat clean and go to bed, I do of course manage to keep myself spruced up, but it really is that boring. No one interesting comes in at work, and I cant even talk about the television being particularly enthralling, as I never seem to watch it much these days. I have been reading quite a bit, but on the history of Christianity, and there is nothing I could add that hasn't already been said. Not that I am complaining, because I am not, just there isn't much going on right now, thats all.

I could I suppose talk about where God is these days, but it isn't any different from where He was a couple of weeks ago. Ooh, I did finally finish the little exercise that the vicar gave me last week, and by the time I had finished, somehow, and I really don't know how exactly, I had managed to get down over 12,500 words. I am one messed up bunny. Either that or I am being overly honest about myself. Whatever it may be, after getting it all down, and reading and re reading through it all, I am sure that I do sort of know myself better, and have realized what a lot of my problems and faults are. So if that was the sole purpose of the whole thing, then I think I have succeeded to some extent. I am not sure whether Mr vicar is interested in whether I have done it or not. He didn't mention it on Sunday after church, or then again maybe he is waiting for me to mention it. I don't know. Perhaps he gave it me to do, never really expecting me to do it at all, though I hope not, as that doesn't seem very decent.

Well blow me, I did have something to write about after all, but now I am afraid, it most definitely is all, thats your lot as they say. So farewell till next time. K .

Saturday and Sunday, written Monday

2009-07-05T00:28:00.015+01:00

Monday already. My day off :-)

Saturday, was my mums turn to come down to Hereford, and rather than wander round the shops in town and spending money, we yet again went on a wander of some of the local churches. Today we visited Much Marcle, Little Marcle and Putley churches. We also went to Woolhope church, but couldn't look around as it was closed.

The first we visited was Little Marcle, which is a sweet little church on the side of the main Gloucester road. From the side there is a wonderful view across to the Malvern hills in the distance past Ledbury. It is very plain inside, but with a lovely air. I don't think that it is used very often though. Although from what I saw, parking would be something of a problem on the side of the main road. Not the best of places to stop.

Next we went on to go to Putley church. Years ago when I first came to Herefordshire, this was the local church, and was where we all went to the main services for the year, like Easter and Christmas etc. It was so long since I had been here, I had forgotten just how lovely and beautiful it really is inside. Outside is the village pond where witches were supposedly dunked, so I was told anyway. It is surrounded by orchards on 3 sides, and an old farm, and the pond on the other. Inside it is a riot of colour and beauty. It is so long since I had been there. When we arrived there we were sure that we heard someone else inside, but when we went in there was no-one to be seen, but the floor was still wet on the tiles from being cleaned, and there were dust sheets on the floor. Whoever was doing the cleaning didn't show their face, and we had to creep around the edges trying not to leave footprints on the floor, as it refused to dry. Inside it was clean and spotless, usually when we visit churches the cleaner they seem to be usually reflects the fact that they are used more frequently, although not always. Putley church is used weekly, each Sunday, plus extra services and events too. One that we decided would be extremely interesting to go and see, in a couple of Sundays time, was a choral evensong "Culminating in the beheading of John the Baptist", put quite an interesting image in our heads as to who would be playing John the Baptist, and how realistic the beheading would be! Another service there soon is a blessing of animals, which is a lovely idea, and reminded me of the Vicar of Dibley and an episode where she held a service for animals..

The second and third parts are here and here. Very funny.

Back to our day out, the windows at Putley church are also very lovely, and as the interior of the church is quite dark, they seemed to glow.

My mum spent absolutely ages taking pictures both inside and out, she must have taken at least 200 or more, thank goodness for digital cameras is all I can say, how did we ever manage without them? I myself took a pile on my mobile phone, some of which I have put up on here, you will have to excuse the quality, but being from a mobile, the quality isn't all that great.

From Putley we travelled the few miles to Much Marcle, infamous as being the birthplace of a certain Mr West. The village however is lovely, with two large houses Hellens and Homme House, almost opposite each other, with the church inbetween. The other thing that the village of Much Marcle is famous for, locally if not nationally, is its ancient yew tree which sits in the churchyard just outside the porch. (I have put an image of it with my mum sat inside, so you can guage just how big it is from her). An utterly enormous specimen that is believed to be over 1,500 years old. This magnificient tree predates the current church which dates from the 13th C, although there was a church here prior to that, a norman church dating from the 12th C. The only thing remaining is the font which itself dates from the 12th C, and is thought to be a stone copy of an earlier wooden font that was used at that time.

The church itself is certainly imposing, and is one heck of a size for a village church. Outside is also, a large graveyard, and a weather eaten 15thC preaching cross. Inside, the space is enormous, and is filled with all sorts of interesting memorials and monuments. One for a Walter de Helyon dating from the 14th C is carved from oak, and quite rare. Another which is very lovely is for Blanche, the daughter of Roger Mortimer, the 1st Earl of March. The glass in this church is also very lovely with a very interesting window at the top end in a side chapel. I didn't take so many pictures here as at Putley, but to see some more pictures of the church, exterior and exterior click here. (Not ones I took)

Finally, we went to visit Woolhope church but unfortunately it was closed, so we couldn't go in. Mum went for a wander outside while MLO and I watched the cricketers on the green for a while. From there we went for a quick stop at a local pub which had just been renovated, and had a drink and a loo break. I took a picture of MLO enjoying a pint, and doing a spot of shameless advertising for the local brewery, who make delicious beers.

We didn't do very much after that, we went into Hereford for a bit of a mooch, but nothing in particular, and mum caught the eight o clock train back to Birmingham.
Onto Sunday, and MLO and I decided to brave it and go to the 10 am service at the town church. We had no idea what it would be like, well actually we thought we did, but our idea turned out quite wide of the mark. We thought it was going to be all arm waving and happy clappy, instead there was a great mix of old and young there, with two modern hymn and two older ones. There were two baptisms during the service, which was lovely. All the while there were children running everywhere, plus a few adults constantly on the wander, manic at times. but as we were sat right by the main entrance and exit that probably had something to do with it. We decided we would be going again in two weeks time when it is my next weekend off, but this time will be sat on the opposite side of the church, where it should be a little less manic. We also went to the evening service, simply because we enjoy going to that one at the country church. He asked us what we thought of the morning service, we said we thought it was a bit manic, and he thought that amusing. Had similar sermons at each service, but the evening one was a lot deeper -if thats the right word for it, and certainly made me think a lot more about what was said than did the morning one. Anyway, must go have a bed that needs to be slept in. So night night.

Do I really, want to know myself?

2009-07-02T21:49:00.004+01:00

Here we are again. It is Thursday today.

For the past few days it has been stinking hot here, so even just doing the simplest of things can make you feel weary. Today, the temperature inside where I work never fell below 27 degrees C , which isn't very comfortable over an 11 hour day I can tell you. I am utterly pooped and bone weary right now, parts of me feel like they don't belong anymore. As such, this will be a short blog, at least that is my intention, because I want to go to bed. So there.

I started the little exercise that the vicar gave me to do, only it has turned into something that is not so little, what appeared to be a short little exercise has turned into a writing project of mammoth proportions. Last night, I decided to get some of it onto computer that I had previously written, and that I would alter it as I went, thing was as I typed and read, more things came into my head, and what I had originally written had almost doubled. I never knew it was possible to have so much stuff stored away and not remember it for years, then suddenly , wham, there is is again, ten or twenty years earlier, all my feelings and thoughts, for a moment I really am back there. I found things that even though I had thought that I had forgotten about them, still had an effect on me, so obviously need to think over those, and why I still seem to be carrying them around. I have also found that mostly, the things which cause me the greatest upset, are things that I have done to other people, not what other people have done to me. Mostly but not all though. For a time last night I began to feel a little wretched with myself when I realised all the times I had hurt someone I was close to, or said something and have only now realised that I never apologised. It seems at the time I felt entirely justified in being spiteful, or hurtful, -not something I wanted to find, but now I have, I need to see why I behaved like it, if I still do to some extent -which is a very worrying thought, and what I could have done differently, or can do differently. Also what may had led me to behave like that in the first place. Had a long conversation with God over it all, then at three in the morning MLO woke up, and had a long talk with him about it, and how I felt. When he listens he is an enormous help. He knows when to talk or to answer or to ask me something, and he also knows when a big hug will do more than anything else. Eventually got to sleep about fourish and up again at half six. But after writing for a few hours, having a think, talking to God and then talking to MLO, I have got a lot out of my system, I know what is left, but I am not ready to think about some things yet, have a lot of wrangling with myself, and conversations with God to do over those

Hope he doesn't want to read it is all I can say (the vicar , that is) . ( Oh dear that sounds terribly bad doesn't it, I'm not really all that awful, its just a lot to wade through is all I meant).

Anyhoo, am off to bed soon, so night night.

lots of writing

2009-06-30T22:28:00.003+01:00

Yesterday, I mentioned I had gone for a little talk with the vicar, mainly about being baptised, and at the end mister vicar suggested that I write something about where God has been and still is, and also to go over my life and find anything that may be unresolved in my life, and try to work it out of my system. Well, true to my word, as I said I would do it, I started at work this morning (it was a very quiet morning), I wrote and wrote, then wrote some more. Amazing what I remembered when I put my mind to it, and remembering one thing, would lead to me remembering something else, I could hardly keep up with my brain. Not sure what happened, but I decided to stop for a while and get some proper work done, and found I had written almost 20 full A4 sheets. Haven't read what I wrote, will do that tomorrow, but I certainly hadn't finished writing . Upon reading I will probably discover that it is just a pile of repetitive drivel, but then again, I may just surprise myself.

Have put a picture in of a lady writing, not because it particularly represents me, but the blog had become a little dull looking lately. So a spot of gratuitous picture posting was in order. And also because it is a rather lovely painting, by Jan Vermeer.

Anyway, have been in the most ridiculously happy mood today, the sort that people start giving you funny looks over and then start questioning your sanity. Absolutely over the moon about something I am.

Just a short post today, as I want to go to bed now. So nighty night.

Chat with the vicar

2009-06-29T20:11:00.004+01:00

Today was the day when I had to go and see the vicar for a chat. Not quite sure why, but I was a little nervous, I shouldn't have been. The aim of the chat was to sort out why I wanted to be baptised and confirmed. That's what I had assumed anyway. Not sure exactly what happened though. We did talk about it for a few minutes, but not long at all, although this was probably just my fault, when he asked me why? The best answer I could give him, was that it was something I felt that I needed to do, fully expecting him to ask me to be a bit more specific, or that he would think I was being a bit flakey. Instead, after I had apologised for not being able to describe it in a more precise way, or define my thoughts more accurately, he actually said that it was great that I had such a strong feeling in me. "oh ....ok.., I thought. I was so relieved when he said that. I was dreading what I was going to say, and in the end just told him what I really thought and felt, and it was fine, and he was fine about it too. Then, the conversation veered offtrack somehow, I now know more than I ever wished to know about the parish finances, how much the parish share is each year, which was shockingly large, what the annual turnover is, how the PCC goes about it's business, and other stuff like how many staff they employ for the various concerns, and the fact that he is run off his feet, waiting for a curate, but apparently he is still waiting to hear about that one. He is getting a youth worker from Buckingham way in September I think he said, and then said rather than saving him work, it will just add to his workload. He also said he has to spend far more time doing paperwork than he would wish, and couldn't spend as much time out and about the parish as he wanted. Apparently the parish of the town church includes over 12,000 people, several schools and a hospital. That is a lot of people to get round. Maybe he was just telling me all this to see if he could scare me away from the idea of being a priest? He then told me about the direction he wanted to take the church (and gave me a little printout to illustrate the point). In particular, he wanted to involve everyone in the service, including preaching etc, but not doing communion, obviously. He said last Sunday at the 10 am service two people took it, who were a bit like me (slightly bizarre, far too colourfully dressed and oh so slightly mad?), but no, he said who were looking to perhaps become priests one day. He then asked me a few other things about where God had been in my life, and also said, due to the Bishop being rather busy, it could be months before I am baptised and confirmed, and asked if I was ok with that. Which I was, it will give me time to attempt to get my head round exactly what it means. He said that he wanted me to be done in a regular service, either at the country church or the town church, and to do the both together, which is kind of what I had assumed would happen anyway, but it seems that he has special services for baptisms of babies each week in addition to the normal church services, and that he was fully booked up until the end of January. He then mentioned how I felt about other stuff, and what I felt I should do, and I said to him that I really felt I needed to be baptised and confirmed before I started to think about going anywhere with that, he than said "So you want to take it at your own pace then?", and I nodded, he said that was great and fine also.

At a point in the chat I said where I was born, where I had been to church before etc, and then strangely enough he asked me if I had been baptised before, what sort of a question was that, why did he think I was there. Even more odd was his reaction when I told him no; he was genuinely surprised. I'm mystified to say the least, but there you go.

We talked about other things, and at one point, after I had said that I had never met my father, not that I remember anyway, he said that his father had left them when he was three years old, he seemed quite sad about it, wheras I, never having known him, and my mother never talking about him never really missed him. Although I did attempt to trace him a few years back, I thought at the time, I should find out who he was and is. But realised that so long had passed, and he could be a happily married man with a family, and I really wasn't all that worried, so stopped looking. The vicar then went on to say that a good thing for me to do, would be to write something on where I have felt God has been throughout my life, and my life in general, including any issues I may have secretly locked away inside, and to try and work them all out to know myself better. He said he did this when he first started looking and it helped him a lot. So I will have a go at that.

He ended the chat asking if I would like to pray with him, yes please I answered, and he said the loveliest prayer about God being in my life, asking him to guide me thanking him for the grace that he had given me. Problem is, I can't remember all of what he said my mind is a blank on that. I remember it was very moving though, and remember that God was most definitely there at that time, which was astoundingly wonderful, and great and lovely and marvelous. So I left him a little over an hour after I had arrived, feeling so at peace, more so that I have done for a long time. I thanked him for praying and for his time, and he seemed a little bemused. I also apologised for maybe not doing as much talking as I should, and not saying very much, he replied by saying,"No, that's fine you said quite a lot". When? I thought. Unless he was being metaphorical, in which case I don't know what to think.

He did talk about the 10am service a lot, so may just go along to see what that is all about, he says he gets about 150 - 180 usually, and has a lot more modern hymns. Only problem is, it also has projectors a band and a drumkit, which I am extremely dubious of. But the thought of singing away with a church literally full of other people is certainly appealing, just have to convince MLO to ignore the drumkit etc (He would be BCP all the way if he had a choice), he thinks I am am bit hippyfied for preferring Common Worship.

Yesterday was good at church very very enjoyable. Started the service with one of my very favourite hymns, Lord of all hopefulness had a really brilliant sermon,and three more great hymns. Was quite amusing when we got there, another lady who we hadn't seen before greeted us and asked us if we were visiting. Twice we have been asked that recently, despite going there regularly for almost four months, more and more people keep popping up, I don't doubt we will be asked again. The last hymns we sang was "O Jesus we have promised, to serve thee to the end" an utterly lovely hymn, whose words seemed very meaningful to me, as I am sure they do to everyone, but after the sermon and everything else, the words seem to speak to me there and then. For some reason, I happened to look towards the front, where the vicar was doing his tidying up thing, and he gave a huge cheesy grin at me, as if to say that ones for you. Now I don't for one moment think that, but it certainly made me smile so much it was difficult to sing.

Have even started to enjoy the peace at the country church, going so far as to mill around trying to make sure I get to everyone else, I think it's because it really is a lovely joyful thing with everyone being really genuinely happy to wish everyone else peace with a huge smile on their face. It doesn't feel at all false, just completely natural and lovely. You wouldn't have got me out of the pew a while ago for love nor money. At the town church though the peace (at the 8 am service) has usually felt like it is merely being endured by the congregation, and there is not much joy in it except for the one couple there, the one of whom used to teach MLO at school.

Anyway that's all I can remember for now, and I really need to get to bed, as I have to be at work in seven hours, so night night.

Saturday night. Sunday morning.

2009-06-28T00:17:00.003+01:00

Saturday has been and gone. So too has Friday, where did they both go? The whole of this month, and the last few months too has gone by in a whirl. Someone is nicking time, has to be.

Was pretty spectacularly stormy again yesterday, lots of thunder and excitement in the skies. Love it. As a result, although today was rather hot, it wasn't so muggy as it had been. The perfect day for being at the seaside however, I only think that for the simple reason that I would really have liked to be there rather than at work. Work itself wasn't really all that bad. Not overly quiet, and we did have a busy spell this morning which was nice. Two coach tours went out this morning, one to Eastbourne and Canterbury, and the other to the Isle of Wight, so was all go on the yard for a short time.

P came up for a chat as usual, his sisters husband over in Ireland had died, and was a little sad about that, had tried calling her but hadn't managed to get through. He was quite upset because he couldn't get to Ireland to the funeral. Mr M came in too for a chat, but as MLO was there and as Mr M is quite shy, he didn't stop. he'll be in tomorrow probably. The man with droopy eyes came in again for the first time in months, and the ice cream van man too, so lots of chatty types today which was nice.

MLO needed to go shopping when I finished work this evening, so we went into town, got myself a lovely piece of fish for my tea, which went down a treat.

Mum was gallivanting round Oxfordshire today, Blagdon, Blenheim Palace and Woodstock.

I had a very odd dream last night. I was somewhere in America, at least that's what the houses looked like. It started out with us (myself and whoever I was with, don't know who they were), coming out of house, in front of us was a big old oak tree that was bare, not sure if it winter, or it was dead. One of the big side branches had come down onto a neighbours house and left a hole in the roof, I remember thinking, "Oh well, it could have been a lot worse" next thing, the tree cracks and another huge branch started to come down, I remember at that point realising it was somehow my fault, then woke up, so don't know whether the second branch caused any damage. Don't think I have ever dreamt of trees before. I did dream of Germany a lot once, but not for a long time. Cant explain that one either for that matter. Why do we dream? Quite fun though for the most part, admittedly.

Am now off to bed, see if I dream tonight, if I do I usually remember it. MLO says he never dreams, strange, either that or he does, and just doesn't remember.

Night night.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T23:16:00.004+01:00

R.I.P MICHAEL JACKSON.

Ooh hasn't today been lovely, well, it has been with us here anyway, a lovely cool start and ending up with glorious warm sunshine. Wonderful. Am writing this, after having been on Twitter, and also just having heard that Michael Jackson has died. I don't know why but it has made me feel quite sad, I suppose because he always seemed so lonely to me.

The past two days haven't been too bad really, yesterday was a little sweaty, but not too bad, today warmer but fresher, rain must be on the way. Actually rain is on the way, have had a few storm warnings issued, but doubt they will reach here, but you never know.

It was pretty busy at work today which was wonderful, much much nicer to work when it is busy, instead of waiting up to and hour between customers, which has happened from time to time, people were queueing up. Yesterday was quite a bit quieter, and we took less than half of what we managed today.

Have been feeling pretty joyful about everything today, don't ask me to explain, or give a reason why, because I couldn't do so , even if I tried. Everything is making me smile again. I felt like giving complete strangers big hugs and bursting into song all the time. It's great. :-)

Only four more days until I go to see the vicar about being baptised and stuff. I say stuff, because after what My Lovely Other said to him, I think I should come clean about precisely what my reasons are for wanting to be baptised (or "dunked" as MLO so eloquently puts it) and confirmed, strangely I am now looking forward to telling him. I want to get it off my chest so to speak.

Weird that I feel higher than a kite about everything today. Will enjoy it while it lasts.

Muggy weather and fuel thieves.

2009-06-23T23:42:00.002+01:00

Tuesday night, and yet again it is far too hot and muggy for comfort. It was like this yesterday, we were doing a spot of spring cleaning (or early summer cleaning), ended up frying.

Apart from the housework yesterday was rather uneventful, it did rain for a couple of minutes, which we thought might freshen the place up a touch, but in the end it just made it even more humid and muggy.

Today at work wasn't too bad, up until the end that is. Had some numpty who decided that paying for the fuel he/she had just little drivead, rated the least important of their concerns at that time, and promptly drove off, without so much as a bye or leave. Didn't even manage to get their registration or description, as one of our coaches was parked across the front of the shop while it filled up with diesel. Never thought for one moment that someone could do that, just because we couldn't see them, they obviously felt ok about buggering off, and stealing the fuel. Not nice. Pretty rotten having to tell El Bosso, he obviously wasn't impressed, but there wasn't a lot I could do. As soon as I heard the engine start up, I shot outside, but they had disappeared into the sunset. Mr boss will never know who it was either, as he refuses to put cctv cameras up on the forecourt, despite us asking, so no way of seeing. We did say that there should be cameras for our safety as much as anything, but he wont listen. He has however put cameras all over the working areas of the drivers and men, so he can keep an eye on them and make sure they don't stop working when they shouldn't. I am really annoyed that someone would do that.

When I finished this evening, I came home, and MLO said he had to take some samples to a farm, so I went with him for a nice little drive. Near the farm, we came across a buzzard in the road pulling at something dead, as we got closer the buzzard just stared at us as if he was willing us to leave him alone to finish his dinner. Quite amusing. When he realised we weren't going to go, it had a last beakful, glared at us and flapped off into a nearby tree. After that we went shopping for some bread and milk. Got home just after quarter to eleven, and had a salami sandwich for supper.

Am just about to enjoy a nice cup of coffee, then off to bed. No work for me tomorrow, or for MLO, rare event us both being off together, so will enjoy it. Will go to the library as a couple of books need returning. I borrowed a C.S Lewis one, The Screwtape letters, and Saint Augustines City of God. Will need to redo the loan on the Augustine, I got as far as reading the introductory chapters, and then failed to read the actual book. So will re-attempt that at some point.

Anyway, must go for now, so ttfn.

Sunday already?

2009-06-21T22:48:00.003+01:00

Back again.

I haven't given up blogging. had a couple of busy days, and getting home late, and feeling too tired to type. Poor excuse I know, but it's the only one I have, and I am sticking to it.

MLO told me everything that he had said to the vicar, at long last, after keeping me hanging about for days on end and not knowing for sure. By what he said, it seems he gave the vicar an abridged version of my life, didn't miss that much out though, so the vicar really does know everything now. But it is all good. Rang him up on Friday, after he had left the message on my phone on Monday, got straight through, unfortunately he was in a meeting, said he would ring back in a few minuted, which he did. He didn't mention what MLO said, just arranged when could have a chat. So will be talking to him on the 29th.

Went to Birmingham on Saturday, to meet up with mum, and have a bit of a wander round the shops there. MLO came with me which was nice. We didn't get up there very early though, not until just after eleven, so the day was shorter than usual. The train was packed, unbelievable how busy it was, but I think that train is always busy, with only two carriages, it is no wonder that so many people have to stand up, but you would think that the train company could stick an extra carriage on. I remember years ago when I was still small, you could travel on a cheaper ticket if you stood up, shame they don't do that anymore.

Missed morning church at the town church again this morning, MLO could barely keep his eyes open poor bugger, so we went back to bed. Wouldn't miss evening church at the country church for anything though. It wasn't a communion service tonight, each third Sunday, there is a prayer service, which is held in the lady chapel, and is nice and cosy. I remember the sermon, and the readings from this evening, but I cannot remember which hymns we had. They were good ones which both MLO and I knew and enjoyed singing, just can't remember what they were. Dreadful isn't it.

Anyway, vicar was talking to someone when we went to leave, so waved, and got a big cheerful wave back.

There I am now up to date, happy again, now I am. Was being a bit of a prat I think, and feeling far too sorry for myself the other day. Must go for now, as it is time for bed, so night night.

Hello, is there anybody in there, just nod if you can hear me

2009-06-17T22:33:00.003+01:00

Right now, I want to blog even need to blog, but I'm sat here staring at the screen with no idea what to write.

Today. I have not known where to put myself, or what to do one minute to the next. My mind is all over the place trying to think over, a hundred and one things but managing to achieve nothing. Didn't start the day off too badly, did some washing, which had to be dried inside due to the pouring rain. Then I stopped and thought, and thought some more and carried on thinking till my brain was scrambled. Tried to get in touch with the vicar on the phone, but yet again no-one there. After all the failed attempts at trying to get my details to him, after he requested them, then MLO saying far more than he really should, far too soon anyway, and the total failure to get in touch since, I wonder if perhaps someone is trying to tell me something. With my whole heart, I hope and pray that isn't so, but something feels wrong, and whether it is just that things were said too soon, and made things difficult, or that I have completely and utterly misread a large part of what my life is and has been up to this point, I'm not sure. On the other hand it may be that I am so worried about what the vicar thinks, and the worry that he will come to a conclusion, other than the one I would wish, that I am completely wrapped up in what ifs and worrying myself stupid over them, rather than just seeing what happens. Still feeling pretty rubbish over the whole thing right now though. Have tried talking to MLO about it, but I think he is a bit fed up with me mentioning it right now, and if I press him for details of what he said, he wont tell me, and just says to talk to the vicar. Not the most helpful response when I need to talk about how I am feeling. Or perhaps all I really want is for him to say things will be OK, to put my mind at rest a little. Perhaps. To be honest, I don't know myself what I want or need, except that I need to work out what is wrong, whether the way I feel is of my own making or otherwise.

Off to bed now, after a few prayers, calm me down a bit anyway, re center me. So night night. Hopefully I can talk tomorrow with the vicar, you never know, I may be worrying over nothing.

Au revoir.

What has MLO said?

2009-06-17T00:02:00.004+01:00

Well, here we are, Wednesday again. Although as I type, it is still Tuesday night as far as I am concerned.

We have had a couple of interesting days weather wise here. Monday was lovely up until about ten last night, and the heavens opened. Blimey, I have never seen rain so heavy in all my life. Within half a minute, the water was 3 inches deep outside the front door, it could not drain away fast enough. The gutters were all overflowing, even though they are clean. Mad rain. Then came the thunder and lightning. Pretty spectacular. Very cool when the thunder booms and you can still hear it ages later as it rolls around and echoes off the surrounding hills. The lightning was the sort that lights up the whole sky, the odd thing about it was I was sure I could smell it. Very peculiar indeed. The weather lasted a couple of hours, then faded away into nothing, and Tuesday started off with bright glorious sunshine. That's how the day stayed too, got fairly warm this afternoon, and has started to feel humid, so no doubt we will be getting rain tomorrow.

Had to put the price of petrol up again by four pence per litre. The price now stands at £1.08 per litre for both diesel and unleaded petrol. So, understandably custom was down yet again. as far as I can gather, so my boss informs me anyway, the so called shortage was actually engineered by the oil companies in this country in order to push the price up. Rather underhanded if it is true, and even seems slightly illegal to me, but then I know nothing about the laws of this country, so am probably completely wrong, still doesn't seem right though.

Other than the price of fuel not much to tell about work. A couple of our farmer customers stopped by for fuel and a bit of a chat. A lot of the talk was about Dairy Farmers of Britain. Quite a few local farmers were part of the cooperative, and quite apart from the fact that they wont be paid for the milk they produced last month, a lot also had money invested in the company, just four I know of will have lost between them almost half a million pounds. Money that they could not afford to lose. The amount of jobs that are expected to be lost in the company, and also on farms where staff can no longer be paid, is expected to exceed the total job loss at LDV, there will be no government help for the farmers here though. Farmers and farming seem to be last in the list of government priorities.

Vicar rang up yesterday evening, but for some reason my mobile didn't ring just went straight to answerphone, and then didn't inform me until over an hour later, otherwise I could have rung back. I have managed to wheedle out of MLO some more info on what he may or may not have said. Seems he did say something. What do I say to the vicar now? I feel like running for cover and hiding under a pile of rocks about it all. I really wanted to leave it quite a while yet before anything was said, and now it is all wrong. Much too soon. But hey, maybe it is the right time, and I just haven't realised it yet, maybe it's what should happen. I wont know till I call the vicar back, just have no idea what to say? There I go again, worrying about things that haven't happened yet. I'm pretty good at that lately. If MLO did say what I am now pretty certain he did say, I can't pretend that he was lying, or making it up. Bummer. I actually ended up listening to the answerphone message more than once, to see what I could pick up from the tone of his voice, and attempt to figure out what he was thinking. No use though, I think the only thing I found out, is that he probably doesn't like answerphones.

I Will call back tomorrow, all he said was that, unfortunately his evenings in June were pretty much taken up already, and would like to have a chat with me, left his study number, and said he looked forward to hearing from me soon. If I can't get through before Sunday, it will be a little awkward in church, I know that.

Oh what the heck. I could be knocked down by a bus tomorrow, I will just go wherever I am taken. Forget about worrying, and what people think, I should be out there screaming from the rooftops. That's even how I feel sometimes.

I am going to stop now, if I carry on I will tie my brain up in knots. Am off to bed after a couple of games of minesweeper. So night night everyone.

Rude customers and spiders

2009-06-14T23:15:00.006+01:00

Well, it has been a very quiet weekend all round for me. Not having any petrol to sell, meant having to turn away an increasingly large number of people, some understanding, some very much the opposite. That is the one thing that annoys me about working where I do, for the most part the people who come into the shop are lovely friendly and chatty people, but there is always one who seems to think that we are doing everything we can to inconvenience them, and doing so deliberately. Amazing the language that some people use and how personal the remarks can be if they feel aggrieved. When that happens, there is so much temptation to tell them precisely what I think of them at that moment, but quite apart from it not being the done thing for staff to abuse the customers, it would just result in me doing exactly what I am annoyed at the customer for doing. Solves nothing. But what are you supposed to do when a customer on finding out we have sold out of petrol, then asks you in an extremely threatening manner, "What you going to do about it then", and who then refuses to listen when you explain there isn't a lot that we can do, but let him know where he can get some from. Usually that kind of customer leaves the shop swearing worse than a trooper. What did it achieve? Do these people think they can intimidate me into saying, "Sorry sir, I lied, we actually have plenty of petrol, just pulling your leg there, terribly sorry?" Wonder why I bother some days.

Anyway, rant over. The weather has been utterly lovely again this weekend, pretty warm yesterday and today. Had a short and very sharp rainstorm this evening, which led to a mad dash round the house in a race to get all the windows shut before the house was deluged. Ten minutes later and it was all over, and business as usual as far as the sun was concerned. Only a week left till the longest day, once that is over and done with winter seems to be there before you realise it. It is still partially light out as I write this (23:34 pm),lovely.

It was the Hampton Bishop church fete yesterday, which I missed due to working, but MLO made an appearance there. Quite a good turn out of people by all accounts. It was the vicars first ever country fete, so hope he enjoyed it. When MLO was there, the vicar went up to him, and mentioned that he hadn't been in touch, the office had lost my details, so he got MLO to write them down for him. He promised to be in touch in the week. Yay. :-) One thing though, MLO was being a little cryptic with me, and I am a little suspicious that he may have told the vicar everything, absolutely everything. One part of me thinks, if he has then Woo, I don't have to tackle that, but unfortunately the larger part of me, is worried about the fact that he may have done, as it really, and most certainly was not the right time. But as I think I have said before, "What will be will be". I was unable to get to church today, MLO had to go to a service at his mums church, one of the Lay readers was being made an Emeritus, quite an honour, so of course there was a nice big service with wine and nibbles to follow. Apparently it was a lovely service. As the service there was at the same time as the service we would have usually gone to, MLO couldn't manage to go, and as I don't drive, it was something of a problem, I could have walked, but that was either 3 ish miles through very overgrown river meadows, or much further along the main roads. I suppose a taxi would have helped, but at their Sunday rate, that would have been a minimum of £20 each way, not an amount I would be willing to pay. It really sounds as if I am making excuses here, but I'm not. MLO did let them know we wouldn't be there.

I am looking forward to hearing from the vicar this coming week, not sure what I will say, if it does indeed turn out that MLO told him everything, but hopefully it wont be mentioned, and we will just have a chat about being baptised. MLO wont tell me one way or the other whether he said anything or not, even when I press him on it, all he will say is "The jobs a good 'un", which could be taken to mean anything. I could scream sometimes.

It has been another one of those days, where it feels as if God is trying to tell me something, or perhaps more specifically to get me to see something, or work something out, and as usual, I'm here thinking "What?" utterly missing the point or gist of it all, and feeling rather bemused and perplexed again. Time for some quiet time again I think. As I have been on every day this week, combined with going shopping and everything else that needs doing, I have had very little real opportunity for uninterrupted peace and quiet. Just squeezing in prayers in the morning and evening. I should have spent more time reflecting during them.

When we left for work this morning, there was a mad little spider sunning itself on the car window, I had to take a picture of it, sorry about the quality, but it was taken on my phone. After looking it up, I think he is a jumping spider if some sort, no idea on the specifics unfortunately.He is strangely cute though in a spidery sort of way.

I have run out of things to blog about now, and as it is past my bedtime, I think that is where I should be headed right now, so night night.

2009-06-13T00:34:00.002+01:00

After looking at my site report, to see where people are coming from, and what pages they are visiting, I like to see what pages they have come from. Sometimes they get here from a google search on completely unrelated things, however, rather confusingly someone got here whilst searching for the Bri**sh nat**nal p**ty , and even more worryingly, I am shown as the 3rd result, second only to the Hereford branch's blog, when searching for Hereford, Fownhope and b*p. Must be quite a shock when they reach my blog, almost certainly not what they would expect. I just want to say, I have nothing to do with them whatsoever, at all. Nothing, zilch, nada. I can only presume, that one of the blogs I follow, had made a comment on the dreadful results, but it has come up looking like I support them in the search results. Which I don't. Just want to make that clear.

Thank you.

The vicar's got a fanclub. :-)

2009-06-12T22:02:00.004+01:00

Friday again, already.

Wow, where did the week just go? Has been an odd couple of days at work today and yesterday. Had a brilliantly busy morning, but then in the afternoon, quieter than it has ever been. It really is no good at all.

I have been feeling a little offish the last couple of days, I felt pretty rough yesterday, and actually got to bed at nine in the evening, which is utterly unheard of for me, I eventually surfaced just after seven this morning. Ten hours sleep. I didn't feel tired when I got up, which made a nice change. My poor old tummy has been suffering a little lately, disagrees with everything that I eat or drink, so have given up on that as much as is possible, wont do me any harm though.

We, that is MLO and I, were going to go to a special church service yesterday evening at the town church we go to, all about the churches vision and values, and to get together as a congregation to discuss where we felt it should be going, although the vicar had already set down the main values he felt we should be going with. Anyway, we arrived and parked up, I said to wait as the choir was still practising. Few minutes later most of the choir left to go home, and other people started to arrive for the service/meeting. There must only have been about fifteen of them, Unfortunately neither MLO or I recognised any of them, and we supposed they went to the ten am service, rather than the eight am we usually go to. The other thing was, there was not one man going in to the church. Every last one of the people going in was a woman, and all looked to be in their forties. Methinks the vicar has something of a fanclub forming there :-) . MLO and I ended up not going in, as it would have felt a little bit uncomfortable, MLO said, "There's no men, I'm not going in there.". Can't say as I blame him either, there was no way I was going to go in there, not unless there were a few more men, or even just a few more people in general. Enough moaning about that for now.

Right now, I cannot think of anything else to write about. oh, except that my rather naughty mobile phone has decided to delete the entire content of my applications and games folder, for reasons known only to itself. Has left me mystified, and a little annoyed, as some of the applications has had several things saved to them. Have been trying to get replacements for them all, but drawing a blank with some of them. But I cant do anything about it now, so no point moaning too much is there.

Oh well, night night one and all.

Wednesday done and dusted.

2009-06-10T23:21:00.002+01:00

Well that's Wednesday all done with. I will shortly be off to bed, as to be quite honest, I am knackered. Didn't manage to get any sleep last night again, not until about half past four anyway. Was up at seven, I couldn't manage half six, no way Jose could I. Got to work at eight, and finished just after seven tonight, then straight off shopping with MLO, and eventually got home at just after nine. As I am on holiday cover this week, I have ended up doing an eleven hour day, for the whole week. Tiring is not the word. Will Be glad when Sunday comes, as I only have to do a four hour day then.

I shouldn't really complain though, at least I have a job. It was lovely and busy this morning, but it tailed off towards the afternoon. That could have had something to do with the weather though, as it certainly got a bit thundery later on, after lunch. Lovely purple grey and yellow overcast sky, lashing rain on and off, and plenty of thunder to add to the mix. I love really stormy weather, I absolutely Love it. If I hadn't been at work, I would probably have been outside in it, screaming like a banshee while running around with my arms in the air. I have no idea why I feel the need to do that in stormy weather, but it sure is fun.

Off to bed now. Night night.

Busy day at work and talking

2009-06-09T23:11:00.003+01:00

Today was a lovely busy day at work, had lots and lots of lovely customers coming in,. Had a few stop and have nice long chats too, so the day went really pretty well indeed. I love days like this.
Paddy the old goat, came along for his usual, a bunch of the free newspapers and a good old moan. He only ever moans about the same things each time, but it seems to make him feel a bit better about stuff, so that's OK. Mr M also came up for a natter, he has been on a bit of a spending spree of late, after a 40 year saving plan came to maturity. Poor man doesn't quite know what to make of all the money he has, as he has been used to living pretty much on the breadline as a small farmer (he's not small, the farm is :-) ). He is now the proud owner of a 32" flat screen television and a DVD player. You'd think he was the richest man on earth, he is so ecstatically happy that he is able to afford things like that now, even things that most people take for granted, such as the TV and DVD player. I'm pretty sure he has splashed out on a new set of overalls too. Bless his little cotton socks.
Mr B also came a visiting, he doesn't come up as often these days, he recently had a new knee, which has so far proved to be more trouble than his original, and has spent most of his time since having it done going in a and out of hospital, and doctors surgeries. Anyway he got talking about the local wildlife that he has tamed. He has several tame squirrels that will walk into his house and go and sit on his lap when he is on the computer or watching television, they don't even mind visitors round them. He also has several birds that have become very tame , including a jay, robins, blackbirds and blue tits. He has videoed them all over the years, and he says that whenever the animals breed, the offspring are naturally tame, as they pick it up from their parents, and will bring their young to him. Something of a Doctor Doolittle. He obviously loves the animals, and that is probably why they trust him more than most. None of the other customers stopped for more than a couple of minutes.
Mr Boss was pleased with the total for the day, so that was nice. He is a very different person when he is in a good and happy mood, to when he is not. Unfortunately he always seems to be in a not so happy mood lately, but I suppose that is hardly surprising given the fact that we haven't exactly been overrun with custom lately.
I have been in a happy happy mood today, the sun was out again, so maybe that had something to do with it, and God really makes me smile.
Anyway. Time for bed methinks. So goodnight, and God bless.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday

2009-06-07T21:38:00.008+01:00

Hello again there.

After my blogging frenzy the other morning when I couldn't sleep, I have gone rather quiet on the blogging front.

MLO and I went to Monmouth to deliver the things to his farm, and had a bit of a stroll through the town when we were there, he also treated me to lunch with a lovely cup of tea as well. That morning he had had his new mobile phone delivered for use on his contract, and was having fun playing around on that. On the phone there is a GPS app, which works quite well, except when you deviate of the course that the GPS software has set. Then the voice prompt seems to get ever so slightly irate, and says "You are now off course" , and then utterly refuses to reroute according to the direction you are now heading in, it eventually resorts to telling you to make a U turn, and every few seconds pipes up with "Make a U turn here" , pretty funny really. It got us home anyway.

That night we needed a couple of things so nipped up to one of our local supermarkets, to get them. Not sure what was going on in there but they had one of the most amazing sales on that I have ever seen. Cds, including some that were in the charts at £1.50 to £3.00, dvds from£1.00. They even had blu-ray from just £3.00. Best of all, they had a kodak photo printer at just £9.00 from over £80.00. Mystifying. But I didn't complain, as I had been looking for a nice photo printer for ages, but didn't buy one due to the price, and I also got Planet Earth on blu-ray for £8.00, which I had wanted for ages, but again didn't buy due to price. When we got home, I had to try out the printer. The prints that came out of it amazed me, the detail was so fine. So one happy bunny here. The other plus is that it doesn't need to be plugged in to the computer to work, and will even print directly off my mobile phone with the data cable.

On Saturday, it was my Mums turn to come down to Herefordshire. The weather was utterly wonderful for her (sarcasm alert ;-) )It tipped it down with rain all day long. But then we really did need it as it had been more or less dry for so long. As I have said before, she really like visiting churches around the county, and MLO and I have usually taken her around the county in search of the finest. This time however I decided we would look at the local churches, within a few miles of us. Firstly, we visited Holmer church, just on the edge of Hereford city. This is one of the county's black and white churches. It is dedicated to St Bartholomew. The earliest parts of the church date from the 12th C, and the black and white tower, from the 16th C. Next, we paid a visit to Withington, which was closed. Mum wasn't too happy, but there was nothing that we could do about it.

After that we took my mum to Hampton Bishop, the church MLO and I have been going to for evening services. She fell in love with the building, which is really rather lovely. I have put about its history what I know of it anyway, in another post here .

After Hampton Bishop, we went via Dormington church (which was closed) to Lugwardine. We were in lick there, as the vicar (I presume) and his son and daughter were setting up some things for teas, so I asked if we could come in and he said we were more than welcome. A very pretty church again and much bigger inside than it looks like from outside. With some lovely windows.

From there we went back to Hereford for a coffee. MLO left us for a while as he wanted to be home for when his mother got back from Northumberland.

Mum went home on the eight o clock train.

When I got home MLOs mother was full of stories of what she and her friends got up to on holiday, which was fum to listen to. She showed us all her pictures, and it really did look as though they had a lot of fun. On one of their daytrips across the border into Scotland they came across a lone bagpiper. And being the bunch of daft gits that they all are, broke into an impromptu highland jig, much to the amusement of the other onlookers. Whenever they all get together (the agricultural society) no one knows what will happen.

Anyway onto today. For the first time in ages I overslept when I should have been somewhere, namely church. I couldn't believe it when I saw the time. Thank goodness for the other church and evening service. Was a pretty uneventful day overall, had roast lamb for lunch. Got showered ready for church, and went. Was a good service, as usual, with good hymns. There were two that I didn't know, but were easy to pick up thankfully. In his sermon, he was talking about the Trinity, which was hardly surprising give the fact that it is Trinity Sunday. He was talking about how people have tried to visualise God, and that rather than trying to see him as such the best way to "see" Him, is through the spirit acting in people, and what they do, and who they are. He said one day his little 3 year old son had asked him how could he see God, the vicar replied by saying God was like the wind, you can feel him and sense him, just not see him, but that you know he is there. His son then said to him, "Does that mean every time the wind blows on me , that God has given me a hug?". So sweet. At the end of the service MLO opened his mouth about the fact that the vicar hadn't been in touch after he said he would, I just assumed that he was too busy, but it turned out he hadn't got the message, the woman I spoke to hadn't passed the message on, and he apologised. I felt a bit embarrassed though, as he obviously was put on the spot a bit by MLO. We had a pretty good chat afterwards which was really good, he asked what we did for a living, so we told him. A good chat. He said he would be in touch at some point in the week, when he got my number and address. One other thing that was amusing was when the lady who did one of the readings came up to us, and asked if we were visiting the church, we didn't like to say that we had been going there every other week for slightly over three months, so just said where we lived.

I knew right away this morning that MLOs mother was back. Screaming and shouting are the norm again. She really really needs to sort her head out. Have tried talking to her, but she will not listen. MLO has tried she wont listen to him. Every morning and evening, I pray that she will be able to sort her head out, or sort out what is going on, she has got so downright nasty, I'm not sure if I can take it for much longer, she flew into a rage when she realised we were going to church this evening, she does it over anything and everything, and is downright nasty and vindictive in what she does and says. MLO walked out on her too. I really do not know what to say to her, or to do, as whatever I do is wrong these days. I almost didn't get to church this evening because she what she said and did drew me to tears again, and I felt so rotten, I really wasn't in the right frame of mind to go, but I went, and it helped, a bit.

Anyway, enough of that. I have work every day this week, so will be out of the house from just after half seven, to just before half seven each day, so that will give me plenty of space. I have a couple of books from the library to read, and a couple I bought from Oxfam too, so no chance to get bored. Will be pretty tired by the time I have finished this coming week.

Oh well, I really ought to get to bed now. Work starts in less than eight hours. So, TTFN.

Dodgy graphics card

2009-06-05T01:13:00.005+01:00

Since I switched my computer on this evening, I keep getting an intermittent problem. The screen will go black, then come back on with a notification come up that a driver failed, but recovered. After investigating on the net, it turns out it is more or less terminal. How wonderful. I have only had the ruddy computer just over 14 months, and it has hardly been used in that time really. So will ring up the manufacturer tomorrow, and see whether there is any joy to be had there. Both computers giving up on me in the space of a couple of months, is not great. Really not great.
Back to today, I finally got to sleep sometime after six this morning, crazy sleepless nights. I woke up again just before nine. Although I should be tired right now, I'm not, and am wide awake. The only caffeine I have had today was in a cup of tea which I had at half past five.
We didn't go anywhere in the end. MLO realised he had some paperwork left to do for one of his farms, and didn't finish that till after midday. We had to take a farm diary back to one of his farms over at Eaton Bishop, so we did pop in to the church there on the way back for a look.Three are some amazing windows there, the glass in them dates back to 14th C, and they are really rather beautiful. The whole church is rather beautiful in fact.
He has to take another load of paperwork to a farm just outside Monmouth tomorrow, so I will go with him, and we will have a wander there.

Insomnia strikes again

2009-06-04T04:23:00.002+01:00

I am sure that there is a very good reason for not being able to sleep when I should be sleeping, not totally sure what it is, but I am certain it isn't stress or health, so happy about that. I think what it is , now I have really thought about it, is that there is always something running through my mind, and my thoughts can take a pretty random turn at times, anything can and will pop into my head. I don't think I ever have a time when I'm NOT thinking about something or trying to work something out. I have a overactive brain, that's what it is.

Still wide awake, it is now half past four in the morning, the sky is light, and the dawn chorus was in full swing a few minutes ago. Even heard the cuckoo, which was lovely. Went outside and just stood and listened to the birdsong and the quiet. It is wonderful being up and around at this time of day, no traffic noise in the distance, everything new, still, peaceful and perfect. For a small short time of the day at this time of the year, it feels like it is just you, God and the world.

New colour scheme and header image.

2009-06-04T02:43:00.003+01:00

Decided to mess around with the design a bit, well the colours and the header image anyway. Not sure whether I like it yet. I have been a bit of an insomniac this week, and messing around on my computer like this usually sends me to sleep by about fourish.

Will see in the morning (more specifically later on), whether I shall keep it or not. Although I think the shades of brown are nice and restful. Still have a few bits to alter, but will do that again.

A jay in the tree

2009-06-04T00:20:00.003+01:00

Another day. Really haven't done very much at all today. Just the usual sort of stuff, like cleaning up after MLO, and things like that ;-). Earlier on today I was in the study looking out of the window, and a flash of red shot by, and into a tree outside. I looked up and there was a jay sat in the tree, never having seen one of these before, I was quite chuffed. Whipped out my camera, but before I could get a picture he was gone. Never mind though. He was a lovely shade of pale red, and bigger than I thought they were.

This year I seem to be seeing a much greater variety of birds locally, than I have done in previous years. Whether they like the weather better this year, or what it is I don't know. I even saw a hen harrier at Stoke Edith, by the asparagus fields two weeks ago, at about seven fifteen in the morning, when we were driving to Ledbury station to get the train to Birmingham. Not sure why I haven't mentioned that before though, as it was pretty exciting. Not certain what it was doing as it appeared to be tumbling through the air and then righting itself before tumbling again, most odd. But pretty cool.

Other half has said that we will go off for the day tomorrow somewhere. I am not sure where it will be yet. I rather hope we will be going to Oxford, as I love the place, and haven't been for ages, and it means we can stop at a lovely pub in the village of Minster Lovell. One of the prettiest villages imaginable. And some great ruins to wander round as well. I think however he is rather taken on the idea of Abergavenny, nice enough place, but not where I hope we go. I could suggest Cardiff, a brilliant lively place, which kind of reminds me of Liverpool, in a way. Oh well wherever we go it will be fun, and a change, so I really shouldn't worry where it is we will end up going.

Today has been one of those days when God has been there, and egging me on a bit, but I am buggered if I know why or what for. I'm like "What? Eh? Huh?" I have absolutely no idea why, so must do a bit more listening. I feel a bit perplexed, and very slightly confused in fact, if the truth be known. Oh well, it will all be clear in time. Still have no idea though. Actually thinking about it a bit more, the way I feel, is like when someone tells you that they have a surprise for you, you just don't know what the surprise is. That's what it is like.

On that I will say good night. I will report back tomorrow on where we end up, and what we end up doing whilst there. So TTFN. Au revoir etc.

A week off work!!

2009-06-02T16:17:00.004+01:00

Today, as for the rest of the week, I have a day off. I took a week off as MLOs mother is also away, and it gives us a chance to have a little space, and time together without having to pay to go away anywhere. I don't think I, or MLOs mother could have chosen a better week to go away. Th weather is still spectacularly gorgeous. It must be at least 25 degrees out there right now. I have been tidying up around the path edges today, the grass has a very annoying habit of growing over the edge of the path and need cutting away every so often. Very satisfying cutting along and pulling great long strips of turf away off the path it is. Only problem was the ants, hundreds of them, I think I uncovered at least 5 separate nests of them. Mostly black, but also a couple of red ones too. All done now and the paths have a nice straight edge again.

As I am sat in the study typing and also looking outside, there are birds everywhere out there. A little thrush is busy with the snails again, and a couple of blue tits are chasing round hedge and trees. Lovely. Thrush has found another snail already, and is busy bashing it to pieces on the bricks of the drive.

I rang up the office yesterday to leave my name and address for the vicar, as he had asked, but the office was closed then. So I rang up again today earlier this time, and got through to a Scottish lady, who took my details. Things are moving on. Maybe only a little way, but forward nonetheless.

Anyway, am off to start getting dinner prepared, may blog later on. If not TTFN.

The vicar knows everything now, well, almost everything.

2009-06-01T00:14:00.005+01:00

Not a lot to tell here today. Weather was wonderful again, as it has been now for days. The morning was not overly quiet at work, with the usual rush just before closing time. As it was the last day of the month, a few of the account customers came in to put fuel etc onto their account before they are sent out tomorrow. Plus I had the usual Sunday closing time rush. Don't ask me why they do it, but for some reason the customers leave it until the very last possible minute before coming up. If ever I say anything about the time, the reply I nearly always get is, "Yes I know, that's why I came up because you are about to close". Why they cant come up at quarter to I will never know. Anyway rant over.

MLOs mother was packed off, up to Northumberland for the next seven days. So a quiet happy and peaceful house is resumed. It is as good as having a holiday when she is away. If I want to mooch around in my undies I can without worry, and if the washing up isn't done immediately it doesn't matter. Bliss.

Church this evening was enjoyable. Vicar gave a very different sermon for Pentecost compared to his usual fare, and couldn't help but smile when in his sermon he used several sentences of something I read only that morning online. A few different faces about there too.

Lately when it has come to Communion, I have been staying in the pew, and not even going up for a blessing. It has suited me this way, and I figured it would make it a bit more special for when I had been baptised and confirmed. Trouble was I frequently got extremely disapproving looks from some of the congregation. Anyway, tonight, I saw the vicar frown in my direction as the last few had been given Communion. I hoped that he didn't feel offended or think I was deliberately turning my nose up at it. I had really wanted to talk to the vicar about getting baptised and confirmed, but he was always talking with someone else, so never had the chance, and really would rather talk face to face than via e-mail etc. Well, at the end of the service, the Vicar came over and asked me why it was I didn't go up for communion. When I answered him that I hadn't even been baptised, he seemed genuinely surprised at my answer, so what on earth did he think my reasons were?

Anyhoo, all turned out great, he said to me to leave my name and address with the parish office, and we can get together and have a chat about baptism. So all turned out pretty spectacularly well. Odd that all week since last Sunday I have felt like something was getting going, and I told MLO. I also was sticking to the notion that things will happen in their own time, and they have, but its like I was expecting it if that makes sense.

Oh well, it is another late night for me, so must get to bed asap. Am going to bed in a really happy mood. Very different to how I felt early on yesterday and the day before. All is well.

"Why are you so angry"?

2009-05-30T23:42:00.006+01:00

What do I start with today then? Whenever I start to type, I never really have any idea what on earth I will write about, and tend to make it up as I go along. (Not make it up as in make it up, I hasten to add). If that makes sense? Oh well.
The weather has been spectacularly gorgeous for the past couple of days, we really are being spoiled. Give it another week however and I will probably be praying for rain.
Was unexpectedly busy at work this afternoon, after a quiet morning, most of the customers we had, wanted to get petrol for their lawnmowers, so despite being busy customer number wise, we didn't take as much as was hoped, but still not that bad a day.
Mr M came up again for another natter, and to tell me all about a charity tractor drive he did the other day, for the Hereford Lions Club, all around the Herefordshire countryside of Much Marcle, Woolhope, Mordiford and Fownhope. He brought up the map of their route along roads and cross country. Altogether 70 tractors took part. Mainly older smaller tractors. Must have been quite a sight with 70 tractors in convoy heading off over Marcle Ridge. Anyway on his map was our old farm so I enjoyed telling him all about that.
Had quite an odd day yesterday at work. Polished everything in the place, it now smells like a spring bouquet, well thats what it said on the can. Other than that, it was extraordinarily quiet, even by the standard of late. El bosso was in a very queer mood. Only problem is when he is a bit off, everyone else picks up on it, and it can be a pretty uncomfortable place to be and work at, at times like that. Not nice.
Had a bit of an argument with MLOs mother in the morning, well she was arguing, more with herself than anything. She has times like that, we all do, but whereas I tend to disappear off somewhere on my own to stop myself saying something I will regret, she just says the first thing that comes into her head, which frequently is pretty hurtful. So had a bad start to the day. When I got home in the evening, I was a bit frazzled from work, But MLOs mother obviously still had the disagreement in her. I sloped up to bed as I couldn't cope with her going on just then. I had a relatively early night though which was great. Only problem, I got a bit cheesed off, I had had a cruddy day at work, a cruddy start, and finished it on much the same foot, so what did I do? I ended up having a rant at God about the unfairness of it all, really laid into Him, was altogether a not nice person in fact. When I had calmed down, and thought about it all, I felt so crap at what I had thought and said, I ended up hating myself to sleep.
When I was asleep, I had some of the oddest dreams, I don't always remember them, but when I do, I wonder what on earth they were about. One part of it was in a hall somewhere with a large audience, no idea where or why we were there. We were sat at the front and a curly haired blonde man came up with a microphone and said he had better interview me, oh, right I thought ok then. He asked me how I was, so I replied by asking him how he was, at this the people in the hall started laughing, ooh great I thought, I dint have to say much and they love it. Next his comment threw me, "What do you think went wrong with the choir?" at that I replied, no idea, I've got nothing to do with the choir, that threw him then, as in fact I had no idea what choir he was on about. Next we (that is whoever was with me in the dream) were still sat down at the front, and there was an elderly black gentleman sat sideways on to me, he smiled at me, then held my hand, for no apparent reason. However in my dream I didn't mind, and found it very reassuring. Next thing, he leaned forward and whispered to me "Why are you so angry". Now in my dream I wasn't at all angry and said so. For some reason in my dream, I was along a rail line somewhere, on one side were the back walls of houses, and on the other were bushes, trees and a low concrete wall. It was pretty wide, so you could stand at the side as a train went by without worry. In my dream then a whole bunch of children appeared, there must have been twenty or so of them, they were walking right along the line, and in the dream, it was my responsibility to make sure they cleared off the line when a train was coming, we managed for a few, then another train came along that was silent, and by the time I saw it, it was too late, and it went into the children, a group of four boys who I understood to be brothers. They weren't hurt though for some reason. Then I was back home and MLOs mother was laying into me saying I should have looked after them properly, I was feeling bad already without her adding to it. Then I woke up.
One of the oddest and most memorable dreams I have ever had.
But the first thing that came into my mind was the man asking me why I was so angry while he held my hand. I thought about it quite a lot and realised I was angry really, angry at the way people behaved towards me at times, angry at God and angry at and with myself. So I thought about it a bit more, I still haven't really worked it all out of my system yet . I was convinced that I had buggered it up with God, that he wasn't there anymore. A pretty bad place to be to be true. Horrible in fact. I couldn't explain it. Even found it hard to pray this morning. A truly rotten way to be. On my mobile phone I have a copy of the KJV bible, and you can set it to random pick a book or verse. I did that, and it came out with Proverbs 1. After reading that, I didn't know whether it would all be ok, or because of my hot headedness, I was basically doomed. Not ok. I eventually did morning prayer at half ten this morning, via mobile phone and the C of E website. The two psalms (42 and 43) pretty much summed up exactly how I was feeling, after reading them, and the words

"Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul, •
and why are you so disquieted within me?"
"O put your trust in God; •
for I will yet give him thanks,
who is the help of my countenance, and my God."

I thought about the meaning, and realised I needed to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself. Very silly behaviour. After I had thought on these words and everything else and had a stern talk to myself, things got a bit better, God was there, I was too busy wrapped up in my own self pity to notice.
Why do I get like this. I get terrified that I have pushed Him away and lost him for good, that He will be gone from me for good. It's more than I can bear, and nearly tears my heart out. Each and every time I bring it on myself. I start to question God, which to start with , is a bad place to be in., I dig a hole and make it deeper, one day, if I carry on getting like this, I will dig a hole so deep, I will never get out of it. And that scares me. I really need to sort out why I get so angry about things when I am upset. I should be going to God then, not taking it out on him. I need to trust in Him with my whole heart, that's what it is. I obviously still don't do I?
I need quiet time with Him, time for prayer and listening. Stop listening to my own notions, and have faith.

Lord, fill me with love
Like the love that you have for me.
Let me be able to love you, all your people and your creation the same.
Lord, fill me with hope.
A hope for the future, both ours and the earths.
Like the hope you have for us all.
Lord fill me with joy.
Like the joy you have in each one of us, your creation and mankind.
Lord fill me with faith.
A belief in a Heaven on earth.
Just as you have faith in our ability to achieve it.
Most of all Lord.
Fill me with your grace.
That I may fully appreciate the
love, hope joy and faith,
You have for me and for us all.
And that I may also have love, hope, joy and faith.
In you, all people and all the earth.
Amen.

Secondlife and thrushes.

2009-05-28T23:54:00.006+01:00

Hello world.
It has been a lovely Thursday here. Amazingly warm, and glorious uninterrupted sunshine. Cant believe it was so warm this afternoon, it must have been at least 22 degrees C. As expected, due to the half term holiday, it was very quiet indeed. Very few people came in today. Had the usual suspects, Paddy up for his daily whinge and moan, one in for his usual cigarettes and a couple others. It is rather funny when a regular comes in and instead of asking for what they want, just stand there until you put it in front of them. Mr M also came up for a bit of a natter. Also rather surprisingly a gypsy lady has decided to frequent the shop recently and stopped for quite a long chat today.

H who lives next door to the shop, and who works on the yard, was out mowing today, when he came across the most gorgeous little baby song thrush on the grass, and thought it was injured, it was almost full size and a beautiful honey gold with brown speckles all over. Only thing was, it didn't have any tail feathers. H being H decided to adopt it, after deciding the cat must have had it at some point. (I didn't like to say that was probably just sunning itself). He found a holey box and popped it in with a few seeds etc. Well, around two hours later, when Mr M was at the shop, he said to come and look out the window. The mother had managed to find her little baby and was frantically trying to get into the box with it. I sent Mr M out to open the box up, which he did then came back inside. We watched and a few seconds later the mother jumped into the box with the baby and fed it. So lovely to see. For the next half hour she was on a feeding frenzy, backwards and forwards with more worms than you could count. Well a few hours later and H went to see the little bird, and it had gone. Obviously returned home with its mother. So a happy ending there..

Yesterday, I decided to sign up to the game Secondlife, to see what all the fuss was about. It is certainly an eyeopener. I decided to pay a visit to the Anglican Cathedral that has been set up there, and arrived just as a service was about to start. Wonderful timing I thought. In trooped about 10 others and sat down in the pews for the service to begin. What amazed me most of all, was the fact that it was really a real service, preached by a lady from Yorkshire, if I made the accent out correctly. It was really rather lovely with all the responses typed into the chat pane as appropriate. There was the two readings, and most stood for the Gospel reading. Psalms. Intercessions, the Lords Prayer the collect for the day, and also if anyone wished they could go up to the front to receive a blessing. And again it was lovely to see people kneeling at the rail, and getting private blessings. I really enjoyed it and will probably go again. The only thing that was less than normal, was the grey flying hippo in attendance, not something you expect to see in a cathedral everyday. There was a "real-life Rev in attendance there, and judging by the way the Yorkshire lady took the service, I presume that she has done it before, she certainly had a voice for it.
Oh well at least I had something interesting to blog about today instead of the usual humdrum stuff that is the norm for me.
Must go to bed now though, work again in the morning, so night night.

A quiet Wednesday

2009-05-27T23:24:00.006+01:00

Today, Wednesday is one of two days that I don't have to go to work each week. So I have spent it at home today. I did some housework, went shopping for a short while, spent time on the net, cooked, ate and washed up, then back on the net again. A very uninteresting day altogether. I did manage to find the charging cable for my mp3 player, so was very happy about that, but on the downside, the earphones have given up on me and only work on the left hand side. Bit of a bugger really.

The weather today has been pretty warm, but we have had a few showers of rain every now and then. We did see the sun too at times, so not a bad day overall. It is supposed to be quite warm tomorrow, which will be nice.

As it has been a quiet day for me, I am racking my brains trying to think of something to write about here. I suppose I should give up trying to think of anything, and not bother to write anything till tomorrow, when at least I can write about work.

Oh well, I cannot think of much so I give up. Night night one and all. Am off to bed now with the sound of "The Priests" singing "Ag Criost An Siol", a beautiful piece of music that really helps my prayers when I play it. I think it translates from Gaelic into English as:

Ag Criost An Siol, Ag Criost and fomhar
With Christ of the seed, with Christ of the harvest

I n-Iothlainn De, go dtugtar Sinn
In the granary of God, may we be taken

Ag Criost an Mhuir, ag Criost an t-iasc
With Christ of the sea, with Christ of the fishes

I lionta De go gcastar sinn,
In the lines of God may we be entwined.

O fhas go h-aois, is o aois go bas
From growth to age and from age to death

Do dha laimh a Chriost anall tharainn
Your two hands o Christ hither draw us.

O bhas go crioch, ni crioch ach athfhas
From death to the end, not the end, but all eternity

I bParrthas na nGrast go rabhaimid
In paradise of the blessed may we reside.

If you haven't heard it yet, then take a look

I wish I knew what was going on

2009-05-26T23:37:00.006+01:00

Today is going to be another of those two for the price of one posts. Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but really, I was bushed. Hardly surprising as MLO and I had a lovely long walk, but still no real excuse.
Being Bank Holiday Monday, the original plan was to go on a full days walk somewhere with a picnic somewhere during the day too. However, the weather forecast didn't look too promising for our area, so gardening was done while the weather was dry. We then left to go shopping, and eventually got round to our walk at just after four. Decided as it was easy to get to, we would walk up in the woods above the village of Mordiford.
There is a legend of a dragon in Mordiford. A little girl, Maud was out walking in Haugh wood, when she came across a little green creature with wings .. She liked it so much she took it home with her. On arrival at home her parents were non too pleased, realising what the creature was, but allowed her to keep it after she pleaded with them to let her. She decided to keep it in the woods, and fed it on milk. Unfortunately the dragon grew, and grew, until milk was not enough to keep it going. So it graduated onto killing livestock, small animals first and eventually sheep and cattle, then the villagers. All the local villagers were terrified as no-one dared go near it, all except Maud who the dragon trusted. Eventually a local criminal Garnston decided he would take the dragon on, and hid inside a cider barrel, and armed himself with a bow and arrow. Along came the dragon, and spying Garnston tried to eat him, however Garnston managed to get an arrow fired which pierced the dragons heart, thereby killing it. Sadly for Garnston though, he never received a reward, as the dragon incinerated him with its dying breath.
Walking through these woods today, you can well imagine a huge green beastie roaming around, they can be quite creepy at times.
Well on our walk, MLO and I had a lovely long talk, all about how I felt about everything, how he felt about it all aswell. It is an odd feeling though for me right now. Things seem to be getting clearer, whereas before I only had a vague (but certain -ish :-)) notion of it all, now little details are filling up the gaps, and it is making a lot more sense to me now (sort of), making it easier for me to talk about it . I said to MLO that it was like being stood at a road junction. Only one way will get me where I need to get to, but unfortunately there are about a thousand different roads to choose from. At each road there is someone shouting about the merit of going on their road, but I have to listen to try to hear the correct one. Now, the thousand road have become tens, and it is becoming easier to try and make out what each direction is saying. I probably didn't use the best analogy there, or put it particularly succinctly either, but it is what I told MLO, and is the best I can do.
With things getting clearer, I have a feeling growing in me, a certainty almost, like something has been set in motion. It is a good way to feel don't get me wrong, almost like when I make decision to do something, and I can't alter my decision, but have to wait for the outcome good, or bad, and just accept it, as the outcome is completely out of my hands now. Not how I would expect to feel, as I haven't done anything lately, not that I recall anyway. Most odd. But like I said, not bad, not at all bad. It really does feel like I am at the beginning of something, an expectancy that something is going to happen. So I will have to wait and see.
While driving home from our woodland walk, we decided to follow a footpath for a little way across the lugg flats and by the river. Rather lovely walking though a flower meadow in full bloom even if most of the flowers were just buttercups. We enjoyed it so much we thought how lovely, it would be to walk that way to church on Sunday. A couple of miles down the hill, over farmland, through flower meadows and following a river to Church. What could be nicer?
Work today was excrutiatingly quiet, half term is responsible for that I think though. I haven't been able to stop grinning again today. If I get any smilier or happy than I already am, people will begin to think I am a bit deficient.
Right now I feel shattered, so will blog off for now. Au revoir etc etc etc.

Wonderfulness, Church and Lichfield Cathedral.

2009-05-24T22:51:00.009+01:00

Today has been one of those "everything is wonderful" kind of days for me, I can't put my finger on why it should be so, but am genuinely enjoying it while it lasts. I know from experience, that For every brilliant day, there will be a day that is a bit of a struggle.
The one thing I cannot understand is why exactly I should feel like it. Today, for me, the future is filled with possibilities, and joy at the prospect of them, but when I feel low, I am terrified that no-one will take me seriously, or tell me I am not good enough to ever dream of becoming a vicar, or even worse tell me that I am imagining it all, and that I am in fact ever so slightly deluded. What worries me even more about that last thought is that perhaps they are right, and that I am in fact deluded, and that everything I have felt, and what I believe God has planned for me, are nothing more than an elaborate and deceiving product of my own imagination, embellished with each passing year, until I really believe it myself. I know in my heart of hearts that that isn't the case, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.
I really need to talk to someone, the vicar would be ideal, just have no idea how to go about bringing the subject up.
Today has also been one of those days when things seem to want to take a further step. Something is pulling me along, but for the last few weeks has been constant and steady, a carry on as you were kind of thing. But today during Church, it was like something hit me in my heart, not in a bad way mind, just a big jolt. I was sure that what the vicar was saying in his sermon was just for me that the words were aimed directly at me, now while I know that wasn't the case it still felt like it. And when he said certain things in his sermon, I would swear he looked straight at me when he said them, almost like he knew how I felt, it felt like he was looking straight through my soul, bizarre and slightly unsettling really, but not in a bad way. At that point what it is that is in me, pulling me along, suddenly went up a gear, right get a move on, you have to do something now. Get involved at the church helping out, anything in fact just get off your complacent a#*e and get moving. It's like butterflies in my stomach but a thousand times stronger, the anticipation of what the future may hold is roaring round my heart. The strangest feeling imaginable, again, not bad though, a pretty amazing and wonderful feeling in fact. Its like I am being expected to do something, I am just not certain what.
I am both perplexed by it all and reassured at the same time, perplexed because it is still all a bit "no way" for me, but reassured that wherever I get led, it will be the right place to be.
Yesterday, as I previously said, I went up to Birmingham to see mum for the day.We had decided (MLO and I that is) whilst on the train that we would pay a visit to Lichfield from Birmingham as it is a lovely little city. Before we went there though we went on a wander of Birmingham once we had met up with my mum. We ended up at the Roman Catholic Cathedral of St Chad. This is a fairly modern (so far as Cathedrals go) building, but inside is so immensely beautiful. When we got there the place was half full of people praying, so we decided it wouldn't be the best idea to go round it taking pictures and doing touristy stuff. So, we stood at the back and just looked from there. The place had a lovely welcoming air about it though which was lovely, as I sometimes find Roman Catholic cathedrals and churches cold and impersonal, but then I suppose it's just me. We went into the bookshop then. Wow tonnes of books in there.
We walked back into town and went to catch the train to Lichfield from there. We took a nice slow leisurely stroll up to the cathedral and had lunch in the cathedral cafe. The food there is always nice, and fairly cheap too. It is in a lovely building across the road from the cathedral, and is full of little rooms here and there, plus a lovely conservatory to sit in and a big garden at the back with lots of tables.
Once we had finished lunch we went into the cathedral itself. There was a choir practising for a concert that night, so on our wander round we were accompanied by heavenly music. MLO and I parted company,
so I continued round with mum. Once we had finished wandering we went in search of MLO so I could show him the pictures I had taken on my phone. Once we found each other we sat down in the pews to listen to the choir and look at the pics. Next thing we knew, an old lady came wandering along the side. In front she was pushing a trolley that was full of icons and crosses. As she went she was talking away, and seemed a happy old soul. The she saw the choir, and the director, and stood up front just to the side of them, and waved her arms about as if she were conducting them, and then started to give them advice on how to sing. At that, several people who were sat in the pews listening like us, started to laugh, which was hardly surprising as it was pretty funny. She then sidled over to the director, and I think she was giving him directions. Anyway the choir started up again, and at that point the old lady gave an enormously big flourishy bow. The choir were trying so hard not to burst out laughing at the eccentric old lady, and everyone in the pews was in hysterics. Brilliant. She then wandered off on her own somewhere.
From the cathedral we went across the road to the cathedral gift shop, inside there was a pretty well stocked bookshop, as well as the other usual gifts. MLO found a little pin badge that he said he was going to get me as it was so sweet. in the middle was a bright yellow smiley face, and round the edge it said "Smile Jesus loves you", which tickled MLO no end, and indeed made us smile. So I put it on my jacket when we left. Back in Brum, MLO made an executive decision, he wanted to catc the 19:20 train back rather than the 21:00. So we went to the loo etc went ant bought a sandwich and water for our tea, and caught the train home. Was a beautiful day weatherwise, and enjoyment wise.
After church this morning we went into Hereford for a stroll along the river. As we got there the bells were ringing out for the end of the 08:00 service, and as we got back from our walk they were ringing for the start of the 10:00 am service. On our walk we saw the new river defence, which was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined it to be. Three very friendly ducks that literally walked right up to me, although the little lady duck was rather henpecked (duckpecked?) with all the feathers missing of the top of her head. Poor thing. Next we were heading up to the castle green, and we saw a squirrel. I made a kiss kiss noise at it and it came running straight up towards us, then leapt into the tree above us, and proceeded to pose for pictures. Cheeky little rodent.
This evening we had a barbecue, the first one this year. It was lovely. Very very enjoyable.
It is now after one o clock in the morning, and I really should be in bed. But MLO had just brought me in a cup of coffee, which I will drink before I go. Up early again tomorrow. I have asked MLO if we can go for another walk as neither of us have work to go to, but I think he has his heart set on going to the Hay Festival, we could do both though if we set off early enough. We could go over Hay Bluff, and by Llanthony Priory for a walk or round there. As the nights are drawing out now the days last longer and we can do a lot more than a couple of months ago , which is great.
Anyhoo. It really is bedtime now, so I will sign off with a wave and a God Bless. Night night.

Weekend...... yay.

2009-05-23T00:18:00.007+01:00

Well hello again.
I remember yesterday stating that I would be able to blog a lot earlier than this. Right! Things never turn out the way you want them to, do they? Never mind. Today hasn't been a bad day really though, quite enjoyable in a perverse, tomorrow is the weekend, only a few more hours left to go, sort of way.
Had to go shopping after work again, as I had run out of shampoo.
MLOs mother had been away since Wednesday in North Wales, and returned early this morning in order to get to the Hay Festival for a talk. She had a lovely time apparently in North Wales, and did some people spotting at Hay. Plenty of faces there. She went to see Emma Bridgewater (of the pottery fame), and after she had come out from there she stumbled across Aggie, one half of the How Clean is Your House duo. She said she spent sat least half an hour talking to her and eating ice creams. As she was wandering off she passed where there was due to be a screening of a premier of a film made by the Rural Media Company, Still Life and based around Bromyard. She got talking away to a couple of people there, and next thing she knew, one of the girls on the door offered her a complimentary ticket, well she wasn't going to turn that down was she. The film was excellent she said, but then it is always lovely to see somewhere you know well on the big screen, and probably biases you a little. Not that I am saying the film isn't good, because by all accounts, it really is good.
Yesterday, a racing pigeon decided to come into land on the forecourt at work, two seconds later , just a few short steps, and poor pigeon met his end at the hands of a white van man. One moment walking around, resting his wings, then the next moment, gone, just a collection of feathers, muscles and sinew. Whatever the pigeon was, was no more.
What is the spark, that makes it all come alive. If, as the atheists etc would have you believe, everything is explainable by science, but how do they explain us, the birds, fish and animals. Where in science is there an explanation for consciousness.
At what point does a series of neurons firing away in a spongy mass, create a conscious thought. What is the little or even huge spark, that makes us appreciate the wind in our hair, grass beneath our feet, or the smell of clean washing, or a certain piece of music, or love. Scientists think they have the love thing explained away, as a most basic primal urge , necessary for our survival. That may perhaps be in some way true, when it comes to other people, but it isn't all of it. But then, where does a primal urge figure, say in the love of a piece of music, a pet, or even a favourite possession. Science simply cannot explain what it is that makes us us. I am made from precisely the same stuff as every one of you. The same stuff as pigeon, just arranged very slightly differently, but am so vastly different in my ideas, my loves, and opinions that it is impossible to attempt to scientifically explain it.

I know what it is, so do billions of other people around the world, we have a brilliant explanation. It has all the answers anyone could ask for. And really on the face of it, when it comes to existence and consciousness, is the only sensible answer. But some people refuse to listen, they don't want to know. They believe what they believe, and nothing will alter that. Stubborness. But it exists on both sides. There are people who believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but wont enter into debate about it, which is wrong. We need to talk about it, we need to engage in debate, to have both sides talk it over, to find common ground in places. Believing in God, does not make all science invalid, nor does being a scientist, or having a scientific view of the world, make belief in God impossible. Faith will never be taken seriously by a lot of people, for the simple reason they don't often hear believers talking of their faith in an open and honest way. We all tend to get a bit defensive when tyring to explain precisely why we believe, or explaining what we believe in. Perhaps if we attempted to explain faith and religion scientifically, more people would get it? Not sure how you would go about that though. I am probably wrong. However, whenever science has attempted to explain God as nothing more than natural law or somesuch, an even bigger problem rears its head that is to be explained. Now it is the turn of quantum theory. We know it is, and very weird it is too. We just don't know why. The deeper we delve into the mystery of the universe, the more inexplicable it becomes. For scientists anyway.
Hmm not entirely sure where that came from, but hey, there you go. I get like that sometimes. Please don't take me overly seriously, I am certainly not an expert in anything I have just written about, so therefore feel free to ridicule me, as I wont take it personally, unless you make personal remarks that is.
Anyway, I have to get to bed, I am catching the 8:00 am train to Birmingham to see mum. Don't worry I will keep away from the Bullring. ;-)
Night night.

Ascension day.

2009-05-21T23:48:00.001+01:00

This is only going to be a short Blog today. I am attempting to Blog via my mobile phone, and it a little tedious.
We went to the Ascension day service this evening after work, it was probably the loveliest and most moving, joyous beautiful service I have ever been to. Everyone was beaming at the end of it. Utterly glorious. Some of the congregation from the other church joined in, which also made if feel special. Everything was just so. A wonderful selection of hymns, and the final one sung in candlelight. And a wonderful sermon, starting with a hilarious tale of an American, a chair and thirty weather balloons. I wont tell the whole take here, I max tomorrow when It wont be so late when I post. But the organist was nearly wetting himself.
Am off to bed now, work again tomorrow. Going to bed on a high. Who needs drugs when you have Church? On that note night night. God bless.

Disappearing words.

2009-05-19T00:06:00.011+01:00

My second attempt at a post here. Last night the one Had written managed to vanish itself somewhere. Hadn't even saved it, very odd, but never mind, I will try again.
Yesterday in the morning I went with MLO around a few of his farms, all in the Orcop and Garway area of Herefordshire. An extremely beautiful area of the country. Mind you, having said that , all of Herefordshire is beautiful. Driving round with him yesterday made me realise how lucky we are to live in such a lovely place. Fertile green fields, rolling hills, woodland, a salmon river, beautiful orchards, even moorland in parts of the county. We even have a mountain. Herefordshire is one of the largest counties in England, but also one of the least populated, which means there is plenty of peace and quiet.
Anyway back to the farms, MLO works for National Milk Records, a farmer owned company whose job it is to record all the dairy animals details onto a database, and to sample the milk from each animal once a month whilst in milk. Then test it for all sorts of things, such as fat content, protein content, as well as testing for the first signs of certain notifiable diseases. It is essential for farmers to know exactly what fat and protein percentage each animal is giving, as for each liter of milk that is produced, the farmer has to buy, or lease a quota from the government, to entitle him to produce and sell the milk.
Each quota bought or leased comes with a specific fat and protein percentage. If the farmer under or over produces protein, or fat and even liters he can then be fined quite severely by the government. So the recording enables him to alter feeding programmes accordingly to reduce or increase protein, fat or liters. Also, when it comes to selling, the farmer has a contract with whoever buys it from him, to produce a certain fat and protein content, they will reject an entire load of milk if it doesn't conform, which can mean a loss of hundreds of pounds per load (before costs, not profit)! So MLO is the chap who turns up at 4:30 am (or even earlier), and takes milk samples from every animal. He then puts the information onto computer, along with all other details such as when the animal is served (mated) who did the deed, calvings, deaths, when an animal is dried off (withdrawn from milking to rest) and a 1001 other bits of information that make that dairy animals in this country the most traceable, and with the most information held per head anywhere in the world.
One of the places we had to go to was just on the edge of Garway village. A village that has an incredibly interesting history, very wellknown now thanks to the Da Vinci Code, Bonekickers, and hundreds more conspiracy theories. Phil Rickman a local author also writes about the place, but not so many conspiracies there thankfully.
Today. Tuesday, I am not feeling great, an egg salad disagreed with me last night, so had to take the day off work, as I feel pretty rotten. The other girl who works there, on my day off wasn't too impressed being woken up at seven this morning, I apologised, but she didn't seem to accept it. So I spent most of the morning in bed, as I was awake most of the night until about four-ish.

At least the sun has come out now, and is actually really warm now. MLO said I had missed an enormous thunderstorm this morning, so for me to have slept through that I must have been utterly pooped.

Anyway, that's enough for now. Will maybe post again later if the mood takes me, or if anything so incredible happens that I cant keep it to myself. TTFN.

Broken machinery and Jesus

2009-05-17T23:17:00.007+01:00

Hello world.
As promised here is a special 2 for the price of 1 blog. You buy one , you get one free, I say you buy one, you get one free. Sorry, couldn't resist it :-).
Well I will start with yesterday. Another very quiet day at work, probably the quietest Saturday ever since I have been there, which is almost 10 years now. Took an appallingly low total for the day. Was rainy and cold for the most part too, so all in all a low sort of a day. Thank goodness for books, as I get the very minimal of conversation (and believe me ANY conversation is better than none sometimes) I would go mad if I had nothing to read all that time. I do get to have some glorious wonderful silence too, just not always when I wish I could.
That's the big problem for me I think. When It has been quiet , and devoid of customers for any length of time (say half an hour or more), I am usually really getting to enjoy the quiet, or become engrossed in a book. If someone then comes in, I can end up feeling annoyed by the interruption. Which I really shouldn't. But don't worry, I am usually glad to see them (really I am).
There is an old man who comes in in his little car, whose car we fill up for him. I was doing just that and chatting away, but failed to notice that the pump hadn't cut out properly, and ended up with diesel all down my leg and over my one shoe. Ooh that stuff stinks.
Watched the Eurovision last night, and for the first time in years it felt like a proper contest, with much less backslapping going on between countries with their voting. All of the various countries acts seemed of a much higher standard, I really enjoyed watching it for once. Usually I end up cringing behind the sofa at the awfulness of it. But this year was spot on. Have to agree that Norway were pretty cool, and I loved Iceland's effort too. Oh yea mustn't forget our entry, Jade, must I. Fifth, I think we deserved a better placing than Turkey, but it was a fairly close run thing, so no real complaints.
Eurovision was partly to blame for me not blogging last night you see.
On to today now. Got to work this morning to a rather ominous variety of beepings. Not great. On closer inspection the machinery that controls all the fuel pump electronics and felling had gone and tripped, and tried to reset but failed. A few button presses later and a restart and all was OK on that front, but, the credit card terminal was literally terminal. Kaput. Rang up the help desk to try to rectify with a software reset over the the phone line. We are sorry, but our operating hours are from 10am till 5pm on Sundays. What use is that. I need help now, at 9am. Only had to turn one customer away who didn't have cash on him though, for which I was thankful.
10am I rang again, and got through to a wonderful call center in India (sarcastic hat on). Whenever we have to call them, they seem eternally confused with our English and pronunciations, and likewise us with theirs. So things tend to be a bit drawn out and take longer to explain than they should.
The first thing they suggested I should do was to turn it off and on again (I thought that was the IT departments little thing). That was the first thing I had tried when I got there. Much messing around later, and he comes to the conclusion that the machine doesn't work, which was funny, because that's what I told him to begin with, the very reason I rang up n the first place. "We will send a new one out to you. It should arrive Tuesday". Lovely. A whole day of not being able to accept cards, and having to turn lovely customers away. Most demoralizing it is. The other girl is on tomorrow, so she will have some fun there.
As was hardly surprising, we didn't take an awful lot.
Got home just after quarter past 1.
Last night I made a lovely beef and carrot stew, and left it overnight to improve. I put that on and we were eating just over half an hour later. Convenience food at its best.
Went and had a shower ready for church than and got myself ready. Got there just after 10 to 6, so had a bit of time to get comfy. We had forgotten, it was the evening prayer service rather than Communion service. So all packed like sardines into the Lady chapel. I really love these services, everyone in together instead of being spread all over the church. Much more fun altogether.
The sermon was very good, and extremely enjoyable, even entertaining today. The vicar started off talking about his masters degree, then consumerism, he then came out with a few fascinating facts on the shopping habits and behaviour of the average person, selling tactics of supermarkets, and how we always speed up when we walk past banks. Then a complete change of direction he began to talk about the reading we had had. I think the point he was trying to make was that we are very subtly manipulated by the supermarkets etc into buying things, that we may not have originally set out to buy, even though we assume we have a free will in what we buy, we are not as free to chose as we maybe would imagine.
But when it come to Gods love for us, we do not chose to receive it, but it is freely given to us, He chooses us. Where have the choice though, is whether to chose to love Him, and to chose to live as Jesus did. To love one another, to live peaceful, joyful helpful lives. Jesus said we are his friends, he wanted us to be his friend, as He is our friend. A friendship that is open to everyone and anyone who chooses it. Plus that we should be Christians 7 days a week, not just we sing His praises each Sunday in church. He calls us to be disciples to continue what was started 200 years ago. St least that how I understand it, I may be totally wrong.

Too late to type

2009-05-17T00:47:00.003+01:00

Too late for a good post now. Will do a 2 for the price of 1 special tomorrow. Au revoir mon amis, a demain.

Duck for tea

2009-05-16T00:10:00.003+01:00

Well it was an exciting day weather wise, a little bit of everything thrown in for good measure, rain, wind, sunshine, clouds, thunder, lightning. I love watching thunderstorms, so long as I am warm and dry inside. Not so sure I would be that enthusiastic about them if I was stuck out in one though.
Yet again, it was an excessively quiet day at work. Highlights of the day were when the sandwich man appeared, and the old goat Paddy turned up for his daily moan. H e had brought up a load of birthday cards that he wanted writing out, poor old bugger can hardly write, but he can at least read, well enough.
Had a grilled duck leg with cabbage and potatoes for dinner tonight. Scrummy, I haven't had duck for ages.
MLOs mother had to go for a colonoscopy (bumcam I suppose you could call it), to try to find out why she had been anaemic. Although since the doctor gave her some iron tablets a few months back, her blood count returned to practically normal almost immediately. But as she was in for anaemia, they have to do the tests. She was dreading it, not so much what they might find, but the sheer embarrassment of having someone you don't know shoving something up your posterior. Anyway they were pretty pleased with her, and didn't find anything for her to worry about. So happy all round. She had a lovely meal of lamb chops and tons of veg to celebrate, as yesterday she was on a bit of a fast, and had to take two noxious drinks to flush her out, most unpleasant, she spent a lot of the day in the loo.
Work again tomorrow, hopefully the day will be busier as it is the weekend.
Must depart now as I am far too late again, so Good night and God bless.

Dont worry, be happy.

2009-05-15T11:59:00.001+01:00

Ok. I have decided. Made a decision. Etc etc etc. If I dont get to talk with the vicar, I will chill. I will not fret. Wont panic or get worried or anxious. I will just go with the flow and see where it takes me. If it takes me somewhere I wasnt expecting then I will go with that. And if I dont end up where I hope I end up, then I guess thats what God wants, so I will be glad about it.
The sun is just breaking through the clouds as I write this, warming up the place after the cold wet start. A sign of a more promising day ahead.
Maybe it will encourage a few more customers to venture out. Has been a little miserable and lonely here without the regulars coming in for a chat and a moan. I seem to be the local agony aunt stroke mobile and computer person stroke weather girl lately. Not that I mind I think it is rather lovely and sweet that they think I will be able to help them. Plus it is a good excuse for a long chat.

Another quiet day

2009-05-15T00:13:00.006+01:00

At work for a large proportion of the day today. And boy was it quiet. I was truly glad to get from there tonight, it drives me insane when it is that quiet. One small consolation though, I did manage to get some reading time in while I was there, so perhaps I shouldn't complain too much. The roads were eerily quiet today, so not sure why that might have been.
Went quickly shopping after I had finished work this evening, to my favourite supermarket. I was busy looking round when MLO came rushing up, and said "You have to look at this, there is a man eating food straight out from the fridge". So I followed him, and lo and behold there, bold as brass was indeed a man eating straight from the fridge. At the point I arrived, he was busy tucking into some black pudding and a 4 pint bottle of milk. I looked at him, and almost burst out laughing.( Not very Christian I know). But seriously, he was so calm about it, he really looked at home there, like it was his fridge. I said "We cant watch him all day", so continued with our shopping. Five minuted later and we passed by the aisle again, he was still there. Eating away contentedly. MLO at this point got a bit annoyed about the whole thing and went off to find a staff member. He came back ( to my shame I was stood watching the peckish perpetrator). He showed him the chap in question. The security man went up to him slowly, when he got close enough, Mr hungry just looked up at him, such innocence on his face, chewing on more black pudding, you couldn't make it up, and the look on his face was priceless.
Thinking about it, there were lots of other people who must have come across him, but being typically British thought they'd better not get involved, just look a bit bemused by the whole thing.
Must go to bed now, sorry not much to report.

Woefully wet Wednesday

2009-05-14T00:47:00.005+01:00

Today it rained, not before time too. But rain being rain, even if it is welcome it is never really welcome. We always moan about it, no matter how long we have been without it, or how much we need it, if I commented on the weather to someone and mentioned the rain, at least half of the replies I would get would be "it always rains in this country". It must be a British thing to say, at the least it IS a very British thing to constantly talk about the weather. It is not a stereotype either, we really do. Most often the first thing we will say in a conversation will along the lines of "Ooh, isn't the weather nice/nasty/hot/cold/windy/still today". I think it is part of our national psyche.

Anyway. I had another day off work (Aren't I the lucky one), although by the end of the week I will still have managed to rack up 49 hours worth, so I am not being lazy or anything. The weather conditions put paid to any gardening or outdoor tasks today, and also scuppered my chance of doing any more clothes washing, as I couldn't dry them (and I absolutely refuse to buy a tumble drier - wasteful things).
So the day was spent indoors. I didn't even cook, MLOs mother did that today, so had shepherds pie and cabbage for lunch, and a cheese and onion sandwich for my tea. The height of sophistication really :-).
I have actually spent a large proportion of this evening on the internet browsing around and not doing much in particular. I did find a couple of websites that were quite useful and downloaded a few new brushes for photoshop, downloaded a theme maker for my, and MLOs mobile phones, and quite a bit of time on Twitter. I love that website, it is really enjoyable seeing what everyone is up to. Brilliant way of doing it, and I really like the fact you cant go above 140 characters, I think if anything it makes you more likely to tweet as you never have to go into too much detail about what you are doing.
It is late again, so most definitely time for bed. Have said prayers etc, it has been a nice peaceful calm day today God was most certainly there with me today, a calmness I would find it hard to describe, and such a feeling of peace. Beautiful. I love God, I love Jesus and I love the Holy Spirit, I love everyone and I love the world. I really love everything.
On that note night night.

What a lovely day.

2009-05-12T23:05:00.003+01:00

Today is Tuesday the 12th of May. And I have been at work for a large proportion of the day. Not my idea of a perfect day, but hey, it pays the bills doesn't it.
Nothing exciting happened at work today, unless you consider a very large delivery from Bookers Wholesale exciting that is. Wasn't overly quiet which made a nice change, Made almost double the total of some days, plus we had 25 of our account customers come in and spend their hard earned cash with us.
The weather yet again was utterly lovely, if a little windy again. We really are being spoiled with all the blue skies and sunshine, and will probably have to pay for it at some point.
I couldn't finish praying this morning without several annoying interruptions, which led to me having a rather un-Christian strop with myself. Felt like throwing my toys out of the pram I did. Didn't get me very far though as no-one was listening to me stropping. So gave up as it seemed a futile and pointless endeavour.
I am listening to Finzi on Spotify as I type this. Lovely relaxing music to wind down to at the end of the day.
Not a lot to tell about today really. Except that more and more, I am getting to midweek and seriously needing to go to Church again, as Sunday seems too far away for me to manage. Even though I pray every day, morning and evening, plus occasionally noon and night too, there is something about going to and being in Church that calms my soul, and tops me up for a couple of days. But I seem to run out. Will have to make another attempt at the Wednesday service I think.
Off to bed now though, as it is a little late again so night night one and all.

Monday, glorious Monday.

2009-05-11T22:16:00.008+01:00

I unlike a lot of people usually have the good fortune of not having to work on a Monday. (Aren't I the lucky one). So today, as usually happens on a Monday, I have spent the day at home. The weather was utterly beautiful again today, maybe a little windy, but that dried my washing double quick this morning, so really not complaining there. It was the sort of day when you wish you were by the sea.
Has been a pretty unspectacular day on the "doing things" front. Did a bit of washing, dried it outside, pottered in the garden for a while, then I dismantled a chicken that I had roasted last night, and had a lovely chicken salad for lurch, I had decided among other things that it was also a chicken salad sort of a day.
I watched a little bit of television today, something for which I am not usually known, but there was a program on about the South Pacific, which was thoroughly interesting and very enjoyable indeed.
Especially the part with the islanders of Pentecost Island, who, once having tied vines around their ankles proceeded to leap off wooden scaffolds a couple of hundred feet high, with the intention of touching the ground with their head if possible. Madness, but for them ,the closer they got to the ground, the higher they believed their crops would grow after the next sowing. One mad soul literally planted himself head first into the soft earth, so I guess his will be the healthiest and biggest crops next harvest.Funny how the vine seems to be a recurring theme lately.
I am currently sat in the study, typing this blog , and thinking about work tomorrow. I need to get an early night for once, I think. So night night one and all. Sorry I haven't written much , but I really haven't done much, so there you are.
Off to say my prayers, then bed. Au revoir.