Yesterday I was baptised and confirmed by the Bishop of Hereford at St Pauls (town church). There were five of us altogether who were confirmed and just two of us were baptised aswell.  It was an utterly amazing experience, so completely amazing. I still cant quite get over the whole thing. (Not that I ever really want to :-)).
I spent the day in a bit of a whirl really. First communion was so wonderful, I think I surprised myself at how it made me feel. When I was given the bread, I just stared at it for a while trying to get my head round it, what it was, being able to be there, and take part in something so mind blowing, so special and wonderful. Then in the evening at  St Andrews (country church) it was the same, but this time I was given the bread by the vicar, ( the Bishop gave it me in the morning) which was was really lovely, and the wine by a wonderful man, who along with everyone else, were the reason I wanted to be confirmed into the churches we go to.
When MLO and I arrived in the evening so many people came and congratulated me, and welcomed me,  I have never felt so in awe of peoples kindness and love, and I have done nothing to deserve that, other than turning up to church each Sunday.  The vicar came out then to welcome me to the church, which was also such a lovely kind gesture. Right now I am not quite sure what to do with myself, all I seem able to to is alternate going round in floods of tears because I am so overjoyed,then humbled, at everyone that I cant quite control my emotions, then thanking God for everything in my life, the people I know and love, and everything else. I hope I never forget yesterday.
The previous Sunday, the vicar had tried to get me to agree to say something about why I wanted to be baptised and confirmed, I backed away from him at that point, no way Jose am I getting up there in front of everyone, he did say that if I wrote something then the Bishop would read it out. Phew.
I had tried to get something written and had made many attempts at getting my thoughts and feelings down on paper, but it always seemed wrong. I was sat in front of the computer yesterday morning about half an hour before we were due to get to church staring at the screen thinking that now would be a good time to decide on what to to put. So I just wrote, and hoped it was ok.
We got to the church, and waited a while for the Bishop to arrive, which he did, complete with big black swooshy cloak, looking like an ecclesiastical version of Dracula, but infinitely less scary, and who quickly put us at our ease, as we were all rather worried. He then mentioned saying something, which most of us had hoped he would have forgotten, but he agreed to read three of ours out, and  two brave souls read their own. The one lady who read hers out told us about the most amazingly terrible time in her life recently, more unhappiness, sorrow and badness than I know I could have coped with, yet she was up there, thanking God for what she had,  made me think about my life in a different perspective.
Then the bishop read out what the other three of us had written. This was what I wrote.

 When I was much (!) younger, I used to go to church, and really enjoyed it, but as I got older, I got out of the habit of going, other than for special occasions. I would sometimes read the bible - when I could remember where I had left it, and prayed on and off whenever I wanted something. I was happy to call myself a Christian - without really thinking about what it meant.

  But it always felt like something was missing - a hole in my life, and no matter what I did or had, or what I bought, the feeling wouldn't go away.

I quite often thought about going back to church, but never did. I thought maybe it wasn't necessary , that I could carry on as I was.

I used to imagine that God was this huge stern guy in the sky, complete with big grey beard and fiery eyes, someone to be scared of, who, if I ever put a foot wrong would probably make my life a misery.

  Eventually, I realised that whatever else I did, I needed to go back to church. It wasn't like I made a decision and said “right, I'm going today“, it was a feeling in me that I felt I couldn't really argue with. Although it took me a long time after realising that I had to go before I actually walked through the doors of a church, but I did (obviously), and am so very glad that I did.

  After coming for a few months, I realised how important it had become to me; that I had started to really look forward to going each Sunday. I enjoyed being there, worshiping God, praying, listening and learning something each week, and looked forward to seeing the people who had been so welcoming and friendly when we first started going.

I learnt that God wasn't as scary as I first thought, rather, that he was pretty wonderful, and He loved us pretty much no matter what; and to me, that was the most amazing discovery imaginable, and made me want to give something back, both to God, and the church I had been going to.

That is one reason I want to be baptised and confirmed, so I can become a full member of the church, especially the churches I go to. I need to be able to show just how much I love it, and want everyone to know how important it is to me to be a Christian, a part of this church in particular and for all that it stands for.

hopefully by being baptised and confirmed, I can show that I am making a commitment to this church and saying that this is the church that I want to be part of.

• MLO for his unfailing love and support.
• My mum, who, whatever else is still my mum and without whom I simply wouldn't be here.
• MLOs mum for agreeing to come on Sunday, and realising what it meant to me. 
• The vicar for giving his time to get us through this, and helping us learn what being a Christian is and means for our lives, and for guiding and teaching us and being a wonderful example to us.
• The Bishop, who baptised and Confirmed us, which was an enormous honour for us.
• All the people at St Andrews and St Pauls who are so welcoming and kind, and the main reason for me wanting to be baptised and confirmed as a part of those churches in particular. 
•  For everyone in the past who led me to You Lord.

Had a really good and enjoyable day yesterday. Mum came down on the train from Birmingham to Hereford. I had a little idea that rather than spending the whole day traipsing round Hereford, we would do something different, so we caught the train to Leominster.
Leominster is a small town about 12 miles northish of Hereford, quite sweet, and quiet. There are not that many shops in there, but what there is is plenty, and there is also a large supermarket on the edge of Leominster. Thee farmers market was in the square when we got there, so had a good mooch round that, didn't see anything I really wanted or needed, so went without buying a thing. After a short wander round, we decided it was time for a cup of tea, so called in at a little deli in the town, which sells all manner of lovely stuff. A lovely pot of tea was served, with little short breads on the side. We each got two cups out of the pot, and the total was only £1.90 for the two of us. Highly recommend it. Wandered around a little more, then Mum decided she wanted to go to the Priory Church , so we tootled off there for a mooch.
The Priory was much the same as I remembered it from last time, lovely building but a bit of an odd layout inside, but still very lovely.
Caught the train back to Hereford at half past one. From the station, we walked up into town, when mum declared that she was feeling hungry. Normally, we would have gone to the Cafe at All Saints, but I thought we could have a change for once, so we went to the Debenhams cafe in Maylord Orchards. Quite odd that we have one really,as we don't actually ave a Debenhams store in town. Anyway, mum had macaroni cheese, chips and peas, and I had fish, chips and peas. Surprisingly yummy.
Once lunch was over and done with, we nipped into TKMaxx to see what bargains there were to be had. Nothing doing there, so proceeded off to the rest of town. A couple of hours later, and both of us were thirsty so we went to M&S for a cold drink, and a sit down.
Went to Tesco in town then to meet up with MLO from work. Mum caught the 8 o clock train back to Birmingham, and we came home. Had felafel's, salad wrap for my tea, and had a relatively early night for once.
On to today, up at 7 to go to church. Because, I had swapped my weekends over, when I get to the morning service every other week, instead of being a more modern service from common worship, it is an old fashioned service fron Common book of Prayer. I am slightly annoyed about it as I have come to prefer the other service, but I cant do anything about it unfortunately. MLO was overjoyed though, he prefers the older style service, and he also didn't have to endure The Peace, as he hates it.

Was an extremely good sermon today, really gave us something to get our teeth into, about Jesus being the vine, and us, the branches. If we don't completely give our lives to Jesus, then we are effectively pruned of, and will shrink and wither, but in living for Jesus, our branch will grow, and other branches will grow from us eventually. In time, the branches will grow so strong that they cannot easily be pruned, or broken.
Most enjoyable service indeed. Unfortunately, there was such a crowd of people around (probably due to the fact that is was a Common Prayer service) that there wasn't ant chance to talk with the vicar. Will most definitely either phone or e-mail now. Cant see how else to do it.
Got home just after nine, unfortunately MLO had to go back out to help out a friend for a few hours at 10 not sure when he will be back, but hope he isn't too much longer. Spent a couple of hours in the garden this morning planting up a few pots and stuff, haven't done much since though. Will go and get Sunday lunch (dinner by the time we have it) on the go soon. We are eating late because of MLO being out.
Today has been a lovely day altogether. One of those days when you feel God right there with you. I have felt so peaceful and incredibly happy ever since I woke up, I am absolutely loving life, and loving, living life today. God truly is great.
If anyone reads this, who maybe doesn't believe, just take some time to find out. No one will laugh, no one even has to know. Life can be ok , or good without Jesus, but with him it will be great. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I do not say this to rack up numbers, or to prove somthing, or even because I have been told to, but simply because I want everyone to share what it is to believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to know the love that God has for you, it is truly amazing, and makes me sad that more people don't know that love in their lives. God IS love. To know Him is to love Him. These are not hollow words, just written and spoken for their own sake, but are full of meaning for those who say them. Please, give God a chance, he loves you more than you will ever truly know, and all he asks for in return is your love back.

Not sure what happened today. One minute, peace and quiet, next thing I know the place is full of noise, just like someone switched the family on.
Actually, I obviously do know what happened, my lovely other and his mother returned from their little outing to London, still a bit strange though having all this noise after I had had nothing but peace and quiet. (I am not complaining mind!)
They apparently had a lovely time down in London, visiting the Portobello Road and had a little wander along Kensington High St. They said they couldn't believe the crowds along the Portobello Road, and in all the shops along there too. In the end they gave up because of all the people.
The concert they went to last night, was at the Royal Albert Hall. My lovely others uncle was part of one of the choirs who were singing there. The concert was for the Massed South Wales Male Voice Choirs - I think that's what it was called anyway. Most enjoyable they said it was.
They got seated in one of the Loggia boxes, so were pretty chuffed with that, meaning they could slip in and out without being noticed. Their box was right by the champagne bar, and the loos, I haven't asked whether they managed to sample the delights of either of them yet.
Not sure what I will be doing tomorrow, but my lovely other (henceforth to be known as MLO - saves a bit of typing you see) has said that we will spend the day together doing something. Very exciting. However, going on past form I wouldn't be surprised if we end up spending the day together at home.
Have spent a short time today mooching through Twitter seeing if I can find anyone new and interesting to follow, problem is, that most of the people I follow, and who follow me all seem to be following each other too, so attempting to find someone with a similar interest or interests by seeing who follows my followers is a waste of space as I am probably already following them. I have resorted yet again to putting random words into the search, to see what comes up. Mostly it seems to be news reports linking to a subject, or people retweeting the self same news items, or reports; which can make finding individual posts a bit laborious. But then perhaps I am not searching for the right thing.
I am amazed at myself so far, for keeping at this blog. I was never one for diaries when I was younger getting to about January the 5th before just giving up. I wondered whether it was because of the faith I have now, and what I am aiming for. Perhaps my faith has given me patience, and stick ability (I can't think of the right word, right now). Since I originally decided to follow what I felt I should be doing, even MLO has commented on the fact that I have become a changed person (coming from someone who never seems to notice anything) he said I am far more patient, that I appear to be more tolerant of people (not that I was ever particularly intolerant), much calmer, he said I was at peace with myself. I suppose I am.
I was a pretty restless kind of person, always feeling like something was missing, when I made the decision to tell someone that I felt I had a calling, as soon as it was written down in an e-mail, I felt an enormous weight was lifted, I find it hard to describe really exactly how much of a relief it felt. I then thought about my life so far, which had been pretty varied, and everything I had done and all the opportunities that I had had, and realised that they all led from one to another to the point I was at there and then. Iknow that most people would say that their lives were the same, but mine seemed to link very specifically, a bit odd really.
I wont attempt to tell my entire life story here, but I remember certain things from when I was younger very vividly, and am certain that these events had a quite large bearing on where I am now
If it wasn't for one thing I wouldn't have done another, everything led to everything else. All I had done in my life seemed to serve a purpose, to make me grow I suppose. I never really had to try either. The day I chose to join a church when I was younger, I found out my neighbours went to a kind of church each Sunday, so I started going with them.
When I got a little fed up with their type of worship (hell and damnation) and wanted to change, my friend asked me to go to Brownies with her, they were linked to a church, and went to the Sunday morning service, and so I fell in love with traditional Church of England.
Several years later, I decide to leave home, things had become very strained between my mum and I. All through my later years at school ,I had enjoyed doing outdoor stuff like the Duke of Edinburgh Award, which took us around the country camping and walking. At this time I told everyone I would live in the country. They laughed. Coming from someone in the inner city, this seemed highly unlikely. One one trip we were staying at Capel Curig, the day before we climbed Snowdon and a shepherd was rounding up his sheep. Out of nowhere I said "Thats what I am going to do", much to the amusement of my friends. Anyway, that night I decided to look in the Birmingham Evening Mail for jobs, there never seemed to be anything different, but the second I opened to the jobs pages there was a job advertised on a farm in Herefordshire. It was exactly what I wanted, so I applied, went for an interview, and got the job.
That brought me to Herefordshire. Two years on, and I feel it is time to move on again, not sure why, just restless feet I guess. I had been going for drinks with someone (just friends) for a while one night we went to the local, and he realised he couldn't get me home, so asked the barman to take me. Turns out the barman was our neighbour on the next farm (not entirely sure why we hadn't met before), and he agreed to take me home. That night we talked for hours and decided we rather liked eachother. We didn't spend a day apart for the next six months. I eventually moved onto his farm. At this time I started to think about getting a job lambing to get a bit of extra money before our own sheep lambed. Then I got a phonecall from a farmer near Porthcawl in Wales, asking me to go and lamb for him for two weeks. This flummoxed me slightly, and I asked him where he got my details from ,but he wouldn't say. Well I went there, and he had 600 pedigree texels, a much more muscular and strong sheep to the one I usually handled, so they needed different handling. I worked there for the 2 weeks and left with him asking me to return the next year.
Back home and one of MLOs mothers friends had got himself some pedigree texels and asked me to help him look after them. The following year coming up to lambing time he decided to keep them at a friend of his' farm as it had much nicer sheds. As a result of this his friend asked me if I wanted a job on his farm being shepherd to all his sheep too. Well how could I turn the offer down. So I stayed there for two years. Eventually it got to the point where he could no longer afford someone working there anymore, so I left.
That afternoon, as we were drivimg home, we passed a garage, so I asked if we could stop for a drink. We did, and on the door was an advert for a job there. I apllied and started the very next day. I am still there now.
The way I look at it is this, when I left home the job I got helped me to have some distance away from my mother and helped us sort out a few things.
When I met MLO he helped me to love again, as I was pretty cold at that point.
Getting that job as shepherd, taught me to be just that, a shepherd, looking after all the animals whose life, literally depends on you, taught me that I had to put others needs before my own, to serve I suppose.
Getting the job at the garage helped me to better connect with people, working on the farms had kept me away from being around people, and I had got a bit to fond of being on my own and doing things my way, and not having to worry about other people too much.
At the garage I get people who regularly come in just for a chat , or advice on something, which makes me feel quite humbled that they would come to me for what they want or need.
And finally, the first e-mail I sent, I had no real idea who it was I was sending it to, just a random address picked from a list almost, turned out to be probably the best person I could have sent it to. Gave me tons of the most wonderful advice including a church which I might like to start going to. Her choice was wonderful, and I feel so at home there now.

I, at some point in my future, hope to become a Vicar in the Church of England. Right now however, I am trying to take things nice and slowly, going to church and praying etc. 

The title of my blog comes from an experience I had, which I will tell you more about in a minute.
Since I was a child I wanted to become a vicar, I remember when I was about six or seven I asked my mum if I could go to church, this was probably an unusual request from a child whose family weren't in the slightest bit religious, and not surprisingly they weren't exactly up for the idea. 

As we had recently moved house, we were still getting to know our neighbours, on the one side lived Mrs G and her two daughters, she regularly went to a kind of church (Baptist I think, but not sure), and with the church, came a Sunday school, so I asked her and my mum if I could go, and adults being adults, and not wanting to put the others nose out of joint, agreed. This was a very intense kind of church, everyone piled in for the main service then separated out into groups, such as the Sunday school afterwards. There was plenty of people throwing their arms in the air and shouting "praise be to God" and the like, and seemed very much to be into the whole hell and damnation thing too. 

I continued going for a while, but it all got a bit heavy, and I remember having to have one to one talks, with one of the ministers there, who quizzed endlessly about the Bible, and what we should learn from it, the only thing I learnt there though was that if I didn't know the Bible inside out, then I would definitely go to hell. Not the greatest thing to tell a small child.

When I was eight, I joned our local Brownies. They , and the guides and rangers were joined to the local church, and attended each Sunday service. This kind of religion was so different to me, everything was so beautiful, and calming, the music, the building, the smell of the incence, all gave me a love of the Church that has lasted to this day. At this time I remember thinking how much I would love to do what the vicar was doing, unaware at that point that women couldn't become priests in the Church of England. I remember asking the priest about it once, and he asked me if I had had "the call?" I then remember asking him what call, I assumed that he meant a phone call, like the Bishop phoning you up or something like that. I asked him what call, he replied you would know if you had had one. Being only eight years old, I couldn't get my head round it. If I didn't know what he meant by "the call", then how was I supposed to know whether I had had it or not?

Looking back, I think that it was a beginning of a call, the first time that I thought about becoming a vicar. The thought stayed with me all through my childhood, my teen years and into my adult life.

All the time it seemed to get a little stronger, the more time I gave the idea, the more it seemed to make sense, and even though I wanted to do that, felt drawn to it, I carried on my life as if I wasn't. In my mid to late twenties the thought was getting stronger and stronger, I felt a pull, something that I cant really describe in so many words, like someone had reached inside me, wrapped their hand around my heart and was gently leading me, on a journey if you like. I couldn't do anything but try to trust where I would be led, and if I was to resist, then it would probably tear my heart out from me. All of which sounds weird and scary, I suppose it was scary in a way, uncertain as to where I was going. 

Then on a day out with my mum, we visited Liverpool Anglican Cathedral.

Out of nowhere, completely unannounced, utterly surprisingly, something happened. 
To this day, I cannot quite get my head round it entirely. Everything stopped, there was no longer any sound. The Cathedral in which I was stood, was no longer visible. All there was, was golden light, like beautiful sunbeams all around, bright pinpoints of light shone and sparkled in the beams, It was as if evrything that had ever existed, and that ever would exist, was there for those few beautiful moments I felt what eternity, the universe was.
Over under and in all of it though, was Gods utter and complete love and joy. Never have I experienced such love, it was everything, all consuming, eternal, blissful and completely unconditional. 
Then I heard a voice, although I didn't hear it as such, like a thought, but not a thought, and He said what I should be doing. My first thought in all of this wasn't what I would have thought had I been given warning, but rather it was "me, you are kidding, right?" Apparently He wasn't.

Right now you probably think I am a complete and utter nutjob. Believe me, I have thought that about myself from time to time, but I think of everything that God means to me, what He has done for me, so many things I suppose could be called coincidences, but so many of them to make it extremely unlikely, and I look at myself, I am intelligent, and sane in everything else I do, so the only sane conclusion is that, God very much exists, it did happen, and I can take heart in the fact that I am more or less sane (thankfully).

There are many other things that have led me to this point (but I wont bore you with them now). Anyway a few months ago, I had lost track somewhere, I hadn't told anyone in my family, not even my other half how I felt, so I e-mailed a priest whose address I got from the local Dioscese website, and told her everything. Just getting it down into an e-mail helped immensely. She replied with most incredibly sensible advice. I sent a few more e-mails and she replied a few more times. I eventually built up the courage to tell my other half, which was surprisingly difficult. I started going to church regularly again and plan on being confirmed in the near future. Although I havn't mentioned it to the vicar yet (he must think it odd that I dont go up for communion though). And then my other half and I will get married. 

I has been lovely slowly getting to know the faces in the church and the vicar, and I really hope that he will be someone I can talk to about everything in the future.

I have started to pray regularly, and have grown to love the form of prayer in the Morning and Evening prayer from Common Worship from the Church of england. I even do the night prayer occaisionally, as it is a lovely thing to do right before bed.

It hasn't always been easy though. Sometimes it feels like God has left me, usually when I am in a strop about something, and only when I realise what I am doing wrong, or have done wrong, and attempt to put it right, does He return. I feel bereft when it happens, and somtimes it takes me longer than I would really want for me to realise what God is trying to make me see or realise. But when I do, and He returns, It is almost as if I have a better understanding of things, like I have been taught a valuable lesson. That is probably not the best way to describe it, but I cant do any better right now.

Anyway there you have it. I will hopefully be keeping this updated on everything I do from now on, in everything that happens, good and bad. and how I get on with everything. So TTFN.