"Why are you so angry"?

What do I start with today then? Whenever I start to type, I never really have any idea what on earth I will write about, and tend to make it up as I go along. (Not make it up as in make it up, I hasten to add). If that makes sense? Oh well.
The weather has been spectacularly gorgeous for the past couple of days, we really are being spoiled. Give it another week however and I will probably be praying for rain.
Was unexpectedly busy at work this afternoon, after a quiet morning, most of the customers we had, wanted to get petrol for their lawnmowers, so despite being busy customer number wise, we didn't take as much as was hoped, but still not that bad a day.
Mr M came up again for another natter, and to tell me all about a charity tractor drive he did the other day, for the Hereford Lions Club, all around the Herefordshire countryside of Much Marcle, Woolhope, Mordiford and Fownhope. He brought up the map of their route along roads and cross country. Altogether 70 tractors took part. Mainly older smaller tractors. Must have been quite a sight with 70 tractors in convoy heading off over Marcle Ridge. Anyway on his map was our old farm so I enjoyed telling him all about that.
Had quite an odd day yesterday at work. Polished everything in the place, it now smells like a spring bouquet, well thats what it said on the can. Other than that, it was extraordinarily quiet, even by the standard of late. El bosso was in a very queer mood. Only problem is when he is a bit off, everyone else picks up on it, and it can be a pretty uncomfortable place to be and work at, at times like that. Not nice.
Had a bit of an argument with MLOs mother in the morning, well she was arguing, more with herself than anything. She has times like that, we all do, but whereas I tend to disappear off somewhere on my own to stop myself saying something I will regret, she just says the first thing that comes into her head, which frequently is pretty hurtful. So had a bad start to the day. When I got home in the evening, I was a bit frazzled from work, But MLOs mother obviously still had the disagreement in her. I sloped up to bed as I couldn't cope with her going on just then. I had a relatively early night though which was great. Only problem, I got a bit cheesed off, I had had a cruddy day at work, a cruddy start, and finished it on much the same foot, so what did I do? I ended up having a rant at God about the unfairness of it all, really laid into Him, was altogether a not nice person in fact. When I had calmed down, and thought about it all, I felt so crap at what I had thought and said, I ended up hating myself to sleep.
When I was asleep, I had some of the oddest dreams, I don't always remember them, but when I do, I wonder what on earth they were about. One part of it was in a hall somewhere with a large audience, no idea where or why we were there. We were sat at the front and a curly haired blonde man came up with a microphone and said he had better interview me, oh, right I thought ok then. He asked me how I was, so I replied by asking him how he was, at this the people in the hall started laughing, ooh great I thought, I dint have to say much and they love it. Next his comment threw me, "What do you think went wrong with the choir?" at that I replied, no idea, I've got nothing to do with the choir, that threw him then, as in fact I had no idea what choir he was on about. Next we (that is whoever was with me in the dream) were still sat down at the front, and there was an elderly black gentleman sat sideways on to me, he smiled at me, then held my hand, for no apparent reason. However in my dream I didn't mind, and found it very reassuring. Next thing, he leaned forward and whispered to me "Why are you so angry". Now in my dream I wasn't at all angry and said so. For some reason in my dream, I was along a rail line somewhere, on one side were the back walls of houses, and on the other were bushes, trees and a low concrete wall. It was pretty wide, so you could stand at the side as a train went by without worry. In my dream then a whole bunch of children appeared, there must have been twenty or so of them, they were walking right along the line, and in the dream, it was my responsibility to make sure they cleared off the line when a train was coming, we managed for a few, then another train came along that was silent, and by the time I saw it, it was too late, and it went into the children, a group of four boys who I understood to be brothers. They weren't hurt though for some reason. Then I was back home and MLOs mother was laying into me saying I should have looked after them properly, I was feeling bad already without her adding to it. Then I woke up.
One of the oddest and most memorable dreams I have ever had.
But the first thing that came into my mind was the man asking me why I was so angry while he held my hand. I thought about it quite a lot and realised I was angry really, angry at the way people behaved towards me at times, angry at God and angry at and with myself. So I thought about it a bit more, I still haven't really worked it all out of my system yet . I was convinced that I had buggered it up with God, that he wasn't there anymore. A pretty bad place to be to be true. Horrible in fact. I couldn't explain it. Even found it hard to pray this morning. A truly rotten way to be. On my mobile phone I have a copy of the KJV bible, and you can set it to random pick a book or verse. I did that, and it came out with Proverbs 1. After reading that, I didn't know whether it would all be ok, or because of my hot headedness, I was basically doomed. Not ok. I eventually did morning prayer at half ten this morning, via mobile phone and the C of E website. The two psalms (42 and 43) pretty much summed up exactly how I was feeling, after reading them, and the words

"Why are you so full of heaviness, O my soul, •
and why are you so disquieted within me?"
"O put your trust in God; •
for I will yet give him thanks,
who is the help of my countenance, and my God."

I thought about the meaning, and realised I needed to pull myself together and stop feeling sorry for myself. Very silly behaviour. After I had thought on these words and everything else and had a stern talk to myself, things got a bit better, God was there, I was too busy wrapped up in my own self pity to notice.
Why do I get like this. I get terrified that I have pushed Him away and lost him for good, that He will be gone from me for good. It's more than I can bear, and nearly tears my heart out. Each and every time I bring it on myself. I start to question God, which to start with , is a bad place to be in., I dig a hole and make it deeper, one day, if I carry on getting like this, I will dig a hole so deep, I will never get out of it. And that scares me. I really need to sort out why I get so angry about things when I am upset. I should be going to God then, not taking it out on him. I need to trust in Him with my whole heart, that's what it is. I obviously still don't do I?
I need quiet time with Him, time for prayer and listening. Stop listening to my own notions, and have faith.

Lord, fill me with love
Like the love that you have for me.
Let me be able to love you, all your people and your creation the same.
Lord, fill me with hope.
A hope for the future, both ours and the earths.
Like the hope you have for us all.
Lord fill me with joy.
Like the joy you have in each one of us, your creation and mankind.
Lord fill me with faith.
A belief in a Heaven on earth.
Just as you have faith in our ability to achieve it.
Most of all Lord.
Fill me with your grace.
That I may fully appreciate the
love, hope joy and faith,
You have for me and for us all.
And that I may also have love, hope, joy and faith.
In you, all people and all the earth.

Secondlife and thrushes.

Hello world.
It has been a lovely Thursday here. Amazingly warm, and glorious uninterrupted sunshine. Cant believe it was so warm this afternoon, it must have been at least 22 degrees C. As expected, due to the half term holiday, it was very quiet indeed. Very few people came in today. Had the usual suspects, Paddy up for his daily whinge and moan, one in for his usual cigarettes and a couple others. It is rather funny when a regular comes in and instead of asking for what they want, just stand there until you put it in front of them. Mr M also came up for a bit of a natter. Also rather surprisingly a gypsy lady has decided to frequent the shop recently and stopped for quite a long chat today.

H who lives next door to the shop, and who works on the yard, was out mowing today, when he came across the most gorgeous little baby song thrush on the grass, and thought it was injured, it was almost full size and a beautiful honey gold with brown speckles all over. Only thing was, it didn't have any tail feathers. H being H decided to adopt it, after deciding the cat must have had it at some point. (I didn't like to say that was probably just sunning itself). He found a holey box and popped it in with a few seeds etc. Well, around two hours later, when Mr M was at the shop, he said to come and look out the window. The mother had managed to find her little baby and was frantically trying to get into the box with it. I sent Mr M out to open the box up, which he did then came back inside. We watched and a few seconds later the mother jumped into the box with the baby and fed it. So lovely to see. For the next half hour she was on a feeding frenzy, backwards and forwards with more worms than you could count. Well a few hours later and H went to see the little bird, and it had gone. Obviously returned home with its mother. So a happy ending there..

Yesterday, I decided to sign up to the game Secondlife, to see what all the fuss was about. It is certainly an eyeopener. I decided to pay a visit to the Anglican Cathedral that has been set up there, and arrived just as a service was about to start. Wonderful timing I thought. In trooped about 10 others and sat down in the pews for the service to begin. What amazed me most of all, was the fact that it was really a real service, preached by a lady from Yorkshire, if I made the accent out correctly. It was really rather lovely with all the responses typed into the chat pane as appropriate. There was the two readings, and most stood for the Gospel reading. Psalms. Intercessions, the Lords Prayer the collect for the day, and also if anyone wished they could go up to the front to receive a blessing. And again it was lovely to see people kneeling at the rail, and getting private blessings. I really enjoyed it and will probably go again. The only thing that was less than normal, was the grey flying hippo in attendance, not something you expect to see in a cathedral everyday. There was a "real-life Rev in attendance there, and judging by the way the Yorkshire lady took the service, I presume that she has done it before, she certainly had a voice for it.
Oh well at least I had something interesting to blog about today instead of the usual humdrum stuff that is the norm for me.
Must go to bed now though, work again in the morning, so night night.

A quiet Wednesday

Today, Wednesday is one of two days that I don't have to go to work each week. So I have spent it at home today.  I did some housework, went shopping for a short while, spent time on the net, cooked, ate and washed up, then back on the net again. A very uninteresting day altogether. I did manage to find the charging cable for my mp3 player, so was very happy about that, but on the downside, the earphones have given up on me and only work on the left hand side. Bit of a bugger really.

The weather today has been pretty warm, but we have had a few showers of rain every now and then. We did see the sun too at times, so not a bad day overall.  It is supposed to be quite warm tomorrow, which will be nice.

As it has been a quiet day for me, I am racking my brains trying to think of something to write about here. I suppose I should give up trying  to think of anything, and not bother to write anything till tomorrow, when at least I can write about work.

Oh well, I cannot think of much so I give up. Night night one and all. Am off to bed now with the sound of "The Priests" singing "Ag Criost An Siol", a beautiful piece of music that really helps my prayers when I play it. I think it translates from Gaelic into English as:

Ag Criost An Siol, Ag Criost and fomhar 
With Christ of the seed, with Christ of the harvest 

I n-Iothlainn De, go dtugtar Sinn
In the granary of God, may we be taken 

Ag Criost an Mhuir, ag Criost an t-iasc 
With Christ of the sea, with Christ of the fishes 

I lionta De go gcastar sinn, 
In the lines of God may we be entwined. 

O fhas go h-aois, is o aois go bas 
From growth to age and from age to death 

Do dha laimh a Chriost anall tharainn 
Your two hands o Christ hither draw us. 

O bhas go crioch, ni crioch ach athfhas 
From death to the end, not the end, but all eternity 

I bParrthas na nGrast go rabhaimid 
In paradise of the blessed may we reside.

If you haven't heard it yet, then take a look

I wish I knew what was going on

Today is going to be another of those two for the price of one posts. Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but really, I was bushed. Hardly surprising as MLO and I had a lovely long walk, but still no real excuse.
Being Bank Holiday Monday, the original plan was to go on a full days walk somewhere with a picnic somewhere during the day too. However, the weather forecast didn't look too promising for our area, so gardening was done while the weather was dry. We then left to go shopping, and eventually got round to our walk at just after four. Decided as it was easy to get to, we would walk up in the woods above the village of Mordiford.
There is a legend of a dragon in Mordiford. A little girl, Maud was out walking in Haugh wood, when she came across a little green creature with wings .. She liked it so much she took it home with her. On arrival at home her parents were non too pleased, realising what the creature was, but allowed her to keep it after she pleaded with them to let her. She decided to keep it in the woods, and fed it on milk. Unfortunately the dragon grew, and grew, until milk was not enough to keep it going. So it graduated onto killing livestock, small animals first and eventually sheep and cattle,     then the villagers.  All the local villagers were terrified as no-one dared go near it, all except Maud who the dragon trusted. Eventually a local criminal Garnston decided he would take the dragon on, and hid inside a cider barrel, and armed himself with a bow and arrow. Along came the dragon, and spying Garnston tried to eat him, however Garnston managed to get an arrow fired which pierced the dragons heart, thereby killing it. Sadly for Garnston though, he never received a reward, as the dragon incinerated him with its dying breath.
Walking through these woods today, you can well imagine a huge green beastie roaming around, they can be quite creepy at times.
Well on our walk, MLO and I had a lovely long talk, all about how I felt about everything, how he felt about it all aswell. It is an odd feeling though for me right now. Things seem to be getting clearer, whereas before I only had a vague (but certain -ish :-)) notion of it all, now little details are filling up the gaps, and it is making a lot more sense to me now (sort of), making it easier for me to talk about it .  I said to MLO that it was like being stood at a road junction. Only one way will get me where I need to get to, but unfortunately there are about a thousand different roads to choose from. At each road there is someone shouting about the merit of going on their road, but I have to listen to try to hear the correct one. Now, the thousand road have become tens, and it is becoming easier to try and make out what each direction is saying. I probably didn't use the best analogy there, or put it particularly succinctly either, but it is what I told MLO, and is the best I can do.
With things getting clearer, I have a feeling growing in me, a certainty almost,  like something has been set in motion. It is a good way to feel don't get me wrong, almost like when I make decision to do something, and I can't alter my decision, but have to wait for the outcome good, or bad, and just accept it, as the outcome is completely out of my hands now. Not how I would expect to feel, as I haven't done anything lately, not that I recall anyway. Most odd. But like I said, not bad, not at all bad.  It really does feel like  I am at the beginning of something, an expectancy that something is going to happen. So I will have to wait and see.
While driving home from our woodland walk, we decided to follow a footpath for a little way across the lugg flats and by the river. Rather lovely walking though a flower meadow in full bloom even if most of the flowers were just buttercups. We enjoyed it so much we thought how lovely, it would be to walk that way to church on Sunday. A couple of miles down the hill, over farmland, through flower meadows and following a river to Church. What could be nicer?
Work today was excrutiatingly quiet, half term is responsible for that I think though. I haven't been able to stop grinning again today. If I get any smilier or happy than I already am, people will begin to think I am a bit deficient.
Right now I feel shattered, so will blog off for now. Au revoir etc etc etc.

Wonderfulness, Church and Lichfield Cathedral.

Today has been one of those "everything is wonderful"  kind of days for me, I can't put my finger on why it should be so, but am genuinely enjoying it while it lasts. I know from experience, that For every brilliant day, there will be a day that is a bit of a struggle.
The one thing I cannot understand is why exactly I should feel like it. Today, for me, the future is filled with possibilities, and joy at the prospect of them, but when I feel low, I am terrified that no-one will take me seriously, or tell me I am not good enough to ever dream of becoming a vicar, or even worse tell me that I am imagining it all, and that I am in fact ever so slightly deluded. What worries me even more about that last thought is that perhaps they are right, and that I am in fact deluded, and that everything I have felt, and what I believe God has planned for me, are nothing more than an elaborate and deceiving product of my own imagination, embellished with each passing year, until I really believe it myself. I know in my heart of hearts that that isn't the case, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.
I really need to talk to someone, the vicar would be ideal, just have no idea how to go about bringing the subject up.
Today has also been one of those days when things seem to want to take a further step. Something is pulling me along, but for the last few weeks has been constant and steady, a carry on as you were kind of thing. But today during Church, it was like something hit me in my heart, not in a bad way mind, just a big jolt. I was sure that what the vicar was saying in his sermon was just for me that the words were aimed directly at me, now while I know that wasn't the case it still felt like it. And when he said certain things in his sermon, I would swear he looked straight at me when he said them, almost like he knew how I felt, it felt like he was looking straight through my soul, bizarre and slightly unsettling really, but not in a bad way. At that point what it is that is in me, pulling me along, suddenly went up a gear, right get a move on, you have to do something now. Get involved at the church helping out, anything in fact just get off your complacent a#*e and get moving. It's like butterflies in my stomach but a thousand times stronger, the anticipation of what the future may hold is roaring round my heart. The strangest feeling imaginable, again, not bad though, a pretty amazing and wonderful feeling in fact. Its like I am being expected to do something, I am just not certain what.
I am both perplexed by it all and reassured at the same time, perplexed because it is still all a bit "no way" for me, but reassured that wherever I get led, it will be the right place to be.
Yesterday, as I previously said, I went up to Birmingham to see mum for the day.We had decided (MLO and I that is) whilst on the train that we would pay a visit to Lichfield from Birmingham as it is a lovely little city. Before we went there though we went on a wander of Birmingham once we had met up with my mum. We ended up at the Roman Catholic Cathedral of St Chad. This is a fairly modern (so far as Cathedrals go) building, but inside is so immensely beautiful. When we got there the place was half full of people praying, so we decided it wouldn't be the best idea to go round it taking pictures and doing touristy stuff. So, we stood at the back and just looked from there. The place had a lovely welcoming air about it though which was lovely, as I sometimes find Roman Catholic cathedrals and churches cold and impersonal, but then I suppose it's just me. We went into the bookshop then. Wow tonnes of books in there.
We walked back into town and went to catch the train to Lichfield from there. We took a nice slow leisurely stroll up to the cathedral and had lunch in the cathedral cafe. The food there is always nice, and fairly cheap too. It is in a lovely building across the road from the cathedral, and is full of little rooms here and there, plus a lovely conservatory to sit in and a big garden at the back with lots of tables.
Once we had finished lunch we went into the cathedral itself. There was a choir practising for a concert that night, so on our wander round we were accompanied by heavenly music. MLO and I parted company,
so I continued round with mum. Once we had finished wandering we went in search of MLO so I could show him the pictures I had taken on my phone. Once we found each other we sat down in the pews to listen to the choir and look at the pics. Next thing we knew, an old lady came wandering along the side. In front she was pushing a trolley that was full of icons and crosses. As she went she was talking away, and seemed a happy old soul. The she saw the choir, and the director, and stood up front just to the side of them, and waved her arms about as if she were conducting them, and then started to give them advice on how to sing. At that, several people who were sat in the pews listening like us, started to laugh, which was hardly surprising as it was pretty funny. She then sidled over to the director, and I think she was giving him directions. Anyway the choir started up again, and at that point the old lady gave an enormously big flourishy bow. The choir were trying so hard not to burst out laughing at the eccentric old lady, and everyone in the pews was in hysterics. Brilliant. She then wandered off on her own somewhere.
From the cathedral we went across the road to the cathedral gift shop, inside there was a pretty well stocked bookshop, as well as the other usual gifts. MLO found a little pin badge that he said he was going to get me as it was so sweet. in the middle was a bright yellow smiley face, and round the edge it said "Smile Jesus loves you", which tickled MLO no end, and indeed made us smile. So I put it on my jacket when we left. Back in Brum, MLO made an executive decision, he wanted to catc the 19:20 train back rather than the 21:00. So we went to the loo etc went ant bought a sandwich and water for our tea, and caught the train home. Was a beautiful day weatherwise, and enjoyment wise.
After church this morning we went into Hereford for a stroll along the river. As we got there the bells were ringing out for the end of the 08:00 service, and as we got back from our walk they were ringing for the start of the 10:00 am service. On our walk we saw the new river defence, which was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined it to be. Three very friendly ducks that literally walked right up to me, although the little lady duck was rather henpecked (duckpecked?) with all the feathers missing of the top of her head. Poor thing. Next we were heading up to the castle green, and we saw a squirrel. I made a kiss kiss noise at it and it came running straight up towards us, then leapt into the tree above us, and proceeded to pose for pictures. Cheeky little rodent.
This evening we had a barbecue, the first one this year. It was lovely. Very very enjoyable.
It is now after one o clock in the morning, and I really should be in bed. But MLO had just brought me in a cup of coffee, which I will drink before I go. Up early again tomorrow. I have asked MLO if we can go for another walk as neither of us have work to go to, but I think he has his heart set on going to the Hay Festival, we could do both though if we set off early enough. We could go over Hay Bluff, and by Llanthony Priory for a walk or round there. As the nights are drawing out now the days last longer and we can do a lot more than a couple of months ago , which is great.
Anyhoo. It really is bedtime now, so I will sign off with a wave and a God Bless. Night night.

Weekend...... yay.

Well hello again.
I remember yesterday stating that I would be able to blog a lot earlier than this. Right! Things never turn out the way you want them to, do they? Never mind. Today hasn't been a bad day really though, quite enjoyable in a perverse, tomorrow is the weekend, only a few more hours left to go, sort of way.
Had to go shopping after work again, as I had run out of shampoo.
MLOs mother had been away since Wednesday in North Wales, and returned early this morning in order to get to the Hay Festival for a talk. She had a lovely time apparently in North Wales, and did some people spotting at Hay. Plenty of faces there. She went to see Emma Bridgewater (of the pottery fame), and after she had come out from there she stumbled across Aggie, one half of the How Clean is Your House duo. She said she spent sat least half an hour talking to her and eating ice creams. As she was wandering off she passed where there was due to be a screening of a premier of a film made by the Rural Media Company, Still Life and based around Bromyard. She got talking away to a couple of people there, and next thing she knew, one of the girls on the door offered her a complimentary ticket, well she wasn't going to turn that down was she. The film was excellent she said, but then it is always lovely to see somewhere you know well on the big screen, and probably biases you a little. Not that I am saying the film isn't good, because by all accounts, it really is good.
Yesterday, a racing pigeon decided to come into land on the forecourt at work, two seconds later , just a few short steps, and poor pigeon met his end at the hands of a white van man. One moment walking around, resting his wings, then the next moment, gone, just a collection of feathers, muscles and sinew. Whatever the pigeon was, was no more.
What is the spark, that makes it all come alive. If, as the atheists etc would have you believe, everything is explainable by science, but how do they explain us, the birds, fish and animals. Where in science is there an explanation for consciousness.
At what point does a series of neurons firing away in a spongy mass, create a conscious thought. What is the little or even huge spark, that makes us appreciate the wind in our hair, grass beneath our feet, or the smell of clean washing, or a certain piece of music, or love. Scientists think they have the love thing explained away, as a most basic primal urge , necessary for our survival. That may perhaps be in some way true, when it comes to other people, but it isn't all of it. But then, where does a primal urge figure, say in the love of a piece of music, a pet, or even a favourite possession. Science simply cannot explain what it is that makes us us. I am made from precisely the same stuff as every one of you. The same stuff as pigeon, just arranged very slightly differently, but am so vastly different in my ideas, my loves, and opinions that it is impossible to attempt to scientifically explain it.

I know what it is, so do billions of other people around the world, we have a brilliant explanation. It has all the answers anyone could ask for. And really on the face of it, when it comes to existence and consciousness, is the only sensible answer. But some people refuse to listen, they don't want to know. They believe what they believe, and nothing will alter that. Stubborness. But it exists on both sides. There are people who believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but wont enter into debate about it, which is wrong. We need to talk about it, we need to engage in debate, to have both sides talk it over, to find common ground in places. Believing in God, does not make all science invalid, nor does being a scientist, or having a scientific view of the world, make belief in God impossible. Faith will never be taken seriously by a lot of people, for the simple reason they don't often hear believers talking of their faith in an open and honest way. We all tend to get a bit defensive when tyring to explain precisely why we believe, or explaining what we believe in. Perhaps if we attempted to explain faith and religion scientifically, more people would get it? Not sure how you would go about that though. I am probably wrong. However, whenever science has attempted to explain God as nothing more than natural law or somesuch, an even bigger problem rears its head that is to be explained. Now it is the turn of quantum theory. We know it is, and very weird it is too. We just don't know why. The deeper we delve into the mystery of the universe, the more inexplicable it becomes. For scientists anyway.
Hmm not entirely sure where that came from, but hey, there you go. I get like that sometimes. Please don't take me overly seriously, I am certainly not an expert in anything I have just written about, so therefore feel free to ridicule me, as I wont take it personally, unless you make personal remarks that is.
Anyway, I have to get to bed, I am catching the 8:00 am train to Birmingham to see mum. Don't worry I will keep away from the Bullring. ;-)
Night night.

Ascension day.

This is only going to be a short Blog today. I am attempting to Blog via my mobile phone, and it a little tedious.
We went to the Ascension day service this evening after work, it was probably the loveliest and most moving, joyous beautiful service I have ever been to. Everyone was beaming at the end of it. Utterly glorious. Some of the congregation from the other church joined in, which also made if feel special. Everything was just so. A wonderful selection of hymns, and the final one sung in candlelight. And a wonderful sermon, starting with a hilarious tale of an American, a chair and thirty weather balloons. I wont tell the whole take here, I max tomorrow when It wont be so late when I post. But the organist was nearly wetting himself.
Am off to bed now, work again tomorrow. Going to bed on a high. Who needs drugs when you have Church? On that note night night. God bless.

Disappearing words.

My second attempt at a post here. Last night the one Had written managed to vanish itself somewhere. Hadn't even saved it, very odd, but never mind, I will try again.
Yesterday in the morning I went with MLO around a few of his farms, all in the Orcop and Garway area of Herefordshire. An extremely beautiful area of the country. Mind you, having said that , all of Herefordshire is beautiful. Driving round with him yesterday made me realise how lucky we are to live in such a lovely place. Fertile green fields, rolling hills, woodland, a salmon river, beautiful orchards, even moorland in parts of the county. We even have a mountain. Herefordshire is one of the largest counties in England, but also one of the least populated, which means there is plenty of peace and quiet.
Anyway back to the farms, MLO works for National Milk Records, a farmer owned company whose job it is to record all the dairy animals details onto a database, and to sample the milk from each animal once a month whilst in milk. Then test it for all sorts of things, such as fat content, protein content, as well as testing for the first signs of certain notifiable diseases. It is essential for farmers to know exactly what fat and protein percentage each animal is giving, as for each liter of milk that is produced, the farmer has to buy, or lease a quota from the government, to entitle him to produce and sell the milk.
Each quota bought or leased comes with a specific fat and protein percentage. If the farmer under or over produces protein, or fat and even liters he can then be fined quite severely by the government. So the recording enables him to alter feeding programmes accordingly to reduce or increase protein, fat or liters. Also, when it comes to selling, the farmer has a contract with whoever buys it from him, to produce a certain fat and protein content, they will reject an entire load of milk if it doesn't conform, which can mean a loss of hundreds of pounds per load (before costs, not profit)! So MLO is the chap who turns up at 4:30 am (or even earlier), and takes milk samples from every animal. He then puts the information onto computer, along with all other details such as when the animal is served (mated) who did the deed, calvings, deaths, when an animal is dried off (withdrawn from milking to rest) and a 1001 other bits of information that make that dairy animals in this country the most traceable, and with the most information held per head anywhere in the world.
One of the places we had to go to was just on the edge of Garway village. A village that has an incredibly interesting history, very wellknown now thanks to the Da Vinci Code, Bonekickers, and hundreds more conspiracy theories. Phil Rickman a local author also writes about the place, but not so many conspiracies there thankfully.
Today. Tuesday, I am not feeling great, an egg salad disagreed with me last night, so had to take the day off work, as I feel pretty rotten. The other girl who works there, on my day off wasn't too impressed being woken up at seven this morning, I apologised, but she didn't seem to accept it. So I spent most of the morning in bed, as I was awake most of the night until about four-ish.

At least the sun has come out now, and is actually really warm now. MLO said I had missed an enormous thunderstorm this morning, so for me to have slept through that I must have been utterly pooped.

Anyway, that's enough for now. Will maybe post again later if the mood takes me, or if anything so incredible happens that I cant keep it to myself. TTFN.

Broken machinery and Jesus

Hello world.
As promised here is a special 2 for the price of 1 blog. You buy one , you get one free, I say you buy one, you get one free. Sorry, couldn't resist it :-).
Well I will start with yesterday. Another very quiet day at work, probably the quietest Saturday ever since I have been there, which is almost 10 years now. Took an appallingly low total for the day. Was rainy and cold for the most part too, so all in all a low sort of a day. Thank goodness for books, as I get the very minimal of conversation (and believe me ANY conversation is better than none sometimes) I would go mad if I had nothing to read all that time. I do get to have some glorious wonderful silence too, just not always when I wish I could.
That's the big problem for me I think. When It has been quiet , and devoid of customers for any length of time (say half an hour or more), I am usually really getting to enjoy the quiet, or become engrossed in a book. If someone then comes in, I can end up feeling annoyed by the interruption. Which I really shouldn't. But don't worry, I am usually glad to see them (really I am).
There is an old man who comes in in his little car, whose car we fill up for him. I was doing just that and chatting away, but failed to notice that the pump hadn't cut out properly, and ended up with diesel all down my leg and over my one shoe. Ooh that stuff stinks.
Watched the Eurovision last night, and for the first time in years it felt like a proper contest, with much less backslapping going on between countries with their voting. All of the various countries acts seemed of a much higher standard, I really enjoyed watching it for once. Usually I end up cringing behind the sofa at the awfulness of it. But this year was spot on. Have to agree that Norway were pretty cool, and I loved Iceland's effort too. Oh yea mustn't forget our entry, Jade, must I. Fifth, I think we deserved a better placing than Turkey, but it was a fairly close run thing, so no real complaints.
Eurovision was partly to blame for me not blogging last night you see.
On to today now. Got to work this morning to a rather ominous variety of beepings. Not great. On closer inspection the machinery that controls all the fuel pump electronics and felling had gone and tripped, and tried to reset but failed. A few button presses later and a restart and all was OK on that front, but, the credit card terminal was literally terminal. Kaput. Rang up the help desk to try to rectify with a software reset over the the phone line. We are sorry, but our operating hours are from 10am till 5pm on Sundays. What use is that. I need help now, at 9am. Only had to turn one customer away who didn't have cash on him though, for which I was thankful.
10am I rang again, and got through to a wonderful call center in India (sarcastic hat on). Whenever we have to call them, they seem eternally confused with our English and pronunciations, and likewise us with theirs. So things tend to be a bit drawn out and take longer to explain than they should.
The first thing they suggested I should do was to turn it off and on again (I thought that was the IT departments little thing). That was the first thing I had tried when I got there. Much messing around later, and he comes to the conclusion that the machine doesn't work, which was funny, because that's what I told him to begin with, the very reason I rang up n the first place. "We will send a new one out to you. It should arrive Tuesday". Lovely. A whole day of not being able to accept cards, and having to turn lovely customers away. Most demoralizing it is. The other girl is on tomorrow, so she will have some fun there.
As was hardly surprising, we didn't take an awful lot.
Got home just after quarter past 1.
Last night I made a lovely beef and carrot stew, and left it overnight to improve. I put that on and we were eating just over half an hour later. Convenience food at its best.
Went and had a shower ready for church than and got myself ready. Got there just after 10 to 6, so had a bit of time to get comfy. We had forgotten, it was the evening prayer service rather than Communion service. So all packed like sardines into the Lady chapel. I really love these services, everyone in together instead of being spread all over the church. Much more fun altogether.
The sermon was very good, and extremely enjoyable, even entertaining today. The vicar started off talking about his masters degree, then consumerism, he then came out with a few fascinating facts on the shopping habits and behaviour of the average person, selling tactics of supermarkets, and how we always speed up when we walk past banks. Then a complete change of direction he began to talk about the reading we had had. I think the point he was trying to make was that we are very subtly manipulated by the supermarkets etc into buying things, that we may not have originally set out to buy, even though we assume we have a free will in what we buy, we are not as free to chose as we maybe would imagine.
But when it come to Gods love for us, we do not chose to receive it, but it is freely given to us, He chooses us. Where have the choice though, is whether to chose to love Him, and to chose to live as Jesus did. To love one another, to live peaceful, joyful helpful lives. Jesus said we are his friends, he wanted us to be his friend, as He is our friend. A friendship that is open to everyone and anyone who chooses it. Plus that we should be Christians 7 days a week, not just we sing His praises each Sunday in church. He calls us to be disciples to continue what was started 200 years ago. St least that how I understand it, I may be totally wrong.

Too late to type

Too late for a good post now. Will do a 2 for the price of 1 special tomorrow. Au revoir mon amis, a demain.

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Duck for tea

Well it was an exciting day weather wise, a little bit of everything thrown in for good measure, rain, wind, sunshine, clouds, thunder, lightning. I love watching thunderstorms, so long as I am warm and dry inside. Not so sure I would be that enthusiastic about them if I was stuck out in one though.
Yet again, it was an excessively quiet day at work. Highlights of the day were when the sandwich man appeared, and the old goat Paddy turned up for his daily moan. H e had brought up a load of birthday cards that he wanted writing out, poor old bugger can hardly write, but he can at least read, well enough.
Had a grilled duck leg with cabbage and potatoes for dinner tonight. Scrummy, I haven't had duck for ages.
MLOs mother had to go for a colonoscopy (bumcam I suppose you could call it), to try to find out why she had been anaemic. Although since the doctor gave her some iron tablets a few months back, her blood count returned to practically normal almost immediately. But as she was in for anaemia, they have to do the tests. She was dreading it, not so much what they might find, but the sheer embarrassment of having someone you don't know shoving something up your posterior. Anyway they were pretty pleased with her, and didn't find anything for her to worry about. So happy all round. She had a lovely meal of lamb chops and tons of veg to celebrate, as yesterday she was on a bit of a fast, and had to take two noxious drinks to flush her out, most unpleasant, she spent a lot of the day in the loo.
Work again tomorrow, hopefully the day will be busier as it is the weekend.
Must depart now as I am far too late again, so Good night and God bless.

Dont worry, be happy.

Ok. I have decided. Made a decision. Etc etc etc. If I dont get to talk with the vicar, I will chill. I will not fret. Wont panic or get worried or anxious. I will just go with the flow and see where it takes me. If it takes me somewhere I wasnt expecting then I will go with that. And if I dont end up where I hope I end up, then I guess thats what God wants, so I will be glad about it.
The sun is just breaking through the clouds as I write this, warming up the place after the cold wet start. A sign of a more promising day ahead.
Maybe it will encourage a few more customers to venture out. Has been a little miserable and lonely here without the regulars coming in for a chat and a moan. I seem to be the local agony aunt stroke mobile and computer person stroke weather girl lately. Not that I mind I think it is rather lovely and sweet that they think I will be able to help them. Plus it is a good excuse for a long chat.

Another quiet day

At work for a large proportion of the day today. And boy was it quiet. I was truly glad to get from there tonight, it drives me insane when it is that quiet. One small consolation though, I did manage to get some reading time in while I was there, so perhaps I shouldn't complain too much. The roads were eerily quiet today, so not sure why that might have been.
Went quickly shopping after I had finished work this evening, to my favourite supermarket. I was busy looking round when MLO came rushing up, and said "You have to look at this, there is a man eating food straight out from the fridge". So I followed him, and lo and behold there, bold as brass was indeed a man eating straight from the fridge. At the point I arrived, he was busy tucking into some black pudding and a 4 pint bottle of milk. I looked at him, and almost burst out laughing.( Not very Christian I know). But seriously, he was so calm about it, he really looked at home there, like it was his fridge. I said "We cant watch him all day", so continued with our shopping. Five minuted later and we passed by the aisle again, he was still there. Eating away contentedly. MLO at this point got a bit annoyed about the whole thing and went off to find a staff member. He came back ( to my shame I was stood watching the peckish perpetrator). He showed him the chap in question. The security man went up to him slowly, when he got close enough, Mr hungry just looked up at him, such innocence on his face, chewing on more black pudding, you couldn't make it up, and the look on his face was priceless.
Thinking about it, there were lots of other people who must have come across him, but being typically British thought they'd better not get involved, just look a bit bemused by the whole thing.
Must go to bed now, sorry not much to report.

Woefully wet Wednesday

Today it rained, not before time too. But rain being rain, even if it is welcome it is never really welcome. We always moan about it, no matter how long we have been without it, or how much we need it, if I commented on the weather to someone and mentioned the rain, at least half of the replies I would get would be "it always rains in this country". It must be a British thing to say, at the least it IS a very British thing to constantly talk about the weather. It is not a stereotype either, we really do. Most often the first thing we will say in a conversation will along the lines of "Ooh, isn't the weather nice/nasty/hot/cold/windy/still today". I think it is part of our national psyche.

Anyway. I had another day off work (Aren't I the lucky one), although by the end of the week I will still have managed to rack up 49 hours worth, so I am not being lazy or anything. The weather conditions put paid to any gardening or outdoor tasks today, and also scuppered my chance of doing any more clothes washing, as I couldn't dry them (and I absolutely refuse to buy a tumble drier - wasteful things).
So the day was spent indoors. I didn't even cook, MLOs mother did that today, so had shepherds pie and cabbage for lunch, and a cheese and onion sandwich for my tea. The height of sophistication really :-).
I have actually spent a large proportion of this evening on the internet browsing around and not doing much in particular. I did find a couple of websites that were quite useful and downloaded a few new brushes for photoshop, downloaded a theme maker for my, and MLOs mobile phones, and quite a bit of time on Twitter. I love that website, it is really enjoyable seeing what everyone is up to. Brilliant way of doing it, and I really like the fact you cant go above 140 characters, I think if anything it makes you more likely to tweet as you never have to go into too much detail about what you are doing.
It is late again, so most definitely time for bed. Have said prayers etc, it has been a nice peaceful calm day today God was most certainly there with me today, a calmness I would find it hard to describe, and such a feeling of peace. Beautiful. I love God, I love Jesus and I love the Holy Spirit, I love everyone and I love the world. I really love everything.
On that note night night.

What a lovely day.

Today is Tuesday the 12th of May. And I have been at work for a large proportion of the day. Not my idea of a perfect day, but hey, it pays the bills doesn't it.
Nothing exciting happened at work today, unless you consider a very large delivery from Bookers Wholesale exciting that is. Wasn't overly quiet which made a nice change, Made almost double the total of some days, plus we had 25 of our account customers come in and spend their hard earned cash with us.
The weather yet again was utterly lovely, if a little windy again. We really are being spoiled with all the blue skies and sunshine, and will probably have to pay for it at some point.
I couldn't finish praying this morning without several annoying interruptions, which led to me having a rather un-Christian strop with myself. Felt like throwing my toys out of the pram I did. Didn't get me very far though as no-one was listening to me stropping. So gave up as it seemed a futile and pointless endeavour.
I am listening to Finzi on Spotify as I type this. Lovely relaxing music to wind down to at the end of the day.
Not a lot to tell about today really. Except that more and more, I am getting to midweek and seriously needing to go to Church again, as Sunday seems too far away for me to manage. Even though I pray every day, morning and evening, plus occasionally noon and night too, there is something about going to and being in Church that calms my soul, and tops me up for a couple of days. But I seem to run out. Will have to make another attempt at the Wednesday service I think.
Off to bed now though, as it is a little late again so night night one and all.

Monday, glorious Monday.

I unlike a lot of people usually have the good fortune of not having to work on a Monday. (Aren't I the lucky one). So today, as usually happens on a Monday, I have spent the day at home. The weather was utterly beautiful again today, maybe a little windy, but that dried my washing double quick this morning, so really not complaining there. It was the sort of day when you wish you were by the sea.
Has been a pretty unspectacular day on the "doing things" front. Did a bit of washing, dried it outside, pottered in the garden for a while, then I dismantled a chicken that I had roasted last night, and had a lovely chicken salad for lurch, I had decided among other things that it was also a chicken salad sort of a day.
I watched a little bit of television today, something for which I am not usually known, but there was a program on about the South Pacific, which was thoroughly interesting and very enjoyable indeed.
Especially the part with the islanders of Pentecost Island, who, once having tied vines around their ankles proceeded to leap off wooden scaffolds a couple of hundred feet high, with the intention of touching the ground with their head if possible. Madness, but for them ,the closer they got to the ground, the higher they believed their crops would grow after the next sowing. One mad soul literally planted himself head first into the soft earth, so I guess his will be the healthiest and biggest crops next harvest.Funny how the vine seems to be a recurring theme lately.
I am currently sat in the study, typing this blog , and thinking about work tomorrow. I need to get an early night for once, I think. So night night one and all. Sorry I haven't written much , but I really haven't done much, so there you are.
Off to say my prayers, then bed. Au revoir.


Had a really good and enjoyable day yesterday. Mum came down on the train from Birmingham to Hereford. I had a little idea that rather than spending the whole day traipsing round Hereford, we would do something different, so we caught the train to Leominster.
Leominster is a small town about 12 miles northish of Hereford, quite sweet, and quiet. There are not that many shops in there, but what there is is plenty, and there is also a large supermarket on the edge of Leominster. Thee farmers market was in the square when we got there, so had a good mooch round that, didn't see anything I really wanted or needed, so went without buying a thing. After a short wander round, we decided it was time for a cup of tea, so called in at a little deli in the town, which sells all manner of lovely stuff. A lovely pot of tea was served, with little short breads on the side. We each got two cups out of the pot, and the total was only £1.90 for the two of us. Highly recommend it. Wandered around a little more, then Mum decided she wanted to go to the Priory Church , so we tootled off there for a mooch.
The Priory was much the same as I remembered it from last time, lovely building but a bit of an odd layout inside, but still very lovely.
Caught the train back to Hereford at half past one. From the station, we walked up into town, when mum declared that she was feeling hungry. Normally, we would have gone to the Cafe at All Saints, but I thought we could have a change for once, so we went to the Debenhams cafe in Maylord Orchards. Quite odd that we have one really,as we don't actually ave a Debenhams store in town. Anyway, mum had macaroni cheese, chips and peas, and I had fish, chips and peas. Surprisingly yummy.
Once lunch was over and done with, we nipped into TKMaxx to see what bargains there were to be had. Nothing doing there, so proceeded off to the rest of town. A couple of hours later, and both of us were thirsty so we went to M&S for a cold drink, and a sit down.
Went to Tesco in town then to meet up with MLO from work. Mum caught the 8 o clock train back to Birmingham, and we came home. Had felafel's, salad wrap for my tea, and had a relatively early night for once.
On to today, up at 7 to go to church. Because, I had swapped my weekends over, when I get to the morning service every other week, instead of being a more modern service from common worship, it is an old fashioned service fron Common book of Prayer. I am slightly annoyed about it as I have come to prefer the other service, but I cant do anything about it unfortunately. MLO was overjoyed though, he prefers the older style service, and he also didn't have to endure The Peace, as he hates it.

Was an extremely good sermon today, really gave us something to get our teeth into, about Jesus being the vine, and us, the branches. If we don't completely give our lives to Jesus, then we are effectively pruned of, and will shrink and wither, but in living for Jesus, our branch will grow, and other branches will grow from us eventually. In time, the branches will grow so strong that they cannot easily be pruned, or broken.
Most enjoyable service indeed. Unfortunately, there was such a crowd of people around (probably due to the fact that is was a Common Prayer service) that there wasn't ant chance to talk with the vicar. Will most definitely either phone or e-mail now. Cant see how else to do it.
Got home just after nine, unfortunately MLO had to go back out to help out a friend for a few hours at 10 not sure when he will be back, but hope he isn't too much longer. Spent a couple of hours in the garden this morning planting up a few pots and stuff, haven't done much since though. Will go and get Sunday lunch (dinner by the time we have it) on the go soon. We are eating late because of MLO being out.
Today has been a lovely day altogether. One of those days when you feel God right there with you. I have felt so peaceful and incredibly happy ever since I woke up, I am absolutely loving life, and loving, living life today. God truly is great.
If anyone reads this, who maybe doesn't believe, just take some time to find out. No one will laugh, no one even has to know. Life can be ok , or good without Jesus, but with him it will be great. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I do not say this to rack up numbers, or to prove somthing, or even because I have been told to, but simply because I want everyone to share what it is to believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to know the love that God has for you, it is truly amazing, and makes me sad that more people don't know that love in their lives. God IS love. To know Him is to love Him. These are not hollow words, just written and spoken for their own sake, but are full of meaning for those who say them. Please, give God a chance, he loves you more than you will ever truly know, and all he asks for in return is your love back.

No excuse.

How useless am I? somehow I once again failed to update my blog last night. One small consolation is the fact that I did at least post during the daytime. As indeed I am now.
It was mayfair in Hereford last night, and the smell of onions and hotdogs and fairrides was too much to resist. So we had a really good wander round. Unlike most fairs the mayfair in Hereford is held in the city center along the streets and in the middle. The was even a carousel spinning round just inches away from the cathedral. Got a lovely picture of it on MLO's phone. Will try to post it later.

Anyway we had done the shopping before we went round the fair, and after our wander we didnt get home until well after nine. So ate very late. Still it was worth the wait. I had the steak that I was wanting from the other night with a lovely tomato and onion salad. Delicious. MLO has faggots mash and peas. With gravy of course.
Back to this morning and it has been fairly busy so far, which is wonderful. Bit bloomin chilly though, but at least the sun is shining.
I have this weekend off now so will be meeting up with mum tomorrow. Will probably convince her to come down here as rather selfishly I dont want the hassle of going up there. Besides she prefers to come down here anyway. Might just catch a bus somewhere, or even the train to Leominster or Ludlow. Not sure yet which we will do.
If the vicar is present on Sunday will try to get to talk to him. Doubt it somehow though, as there is usually a bit of a conveyor belt of people saying goodbye to us so we cant usually hang around. We will see though.
For a while the pull seemed to quieten down but the last few days it has been getting stronger and stronger. It feels if I dont say something soon it will make me explode. I am full up. I have to tell people. I want people to know how wonderful it all is. I cant help it. It is like when if you are with someone, when you look at then and feel that burst of love for them in your heart, its like that but all the time. It is amazing wonderful and joyous, but too much to keep contained. I feel compelled to tell everyone and to share it. But I also know I need to tell the vicar.
I was originally worried silly what he and anyone else would think, but that seems to have faded away the past few days. It wasnt the right time to say anything any earlier, I think that was the problem and why I felt so uncertain about it all. Now feels like the right time.
Anyway. Had better get back and get some work done. Blogging from my mobile takes a bit longer than via computer, and I have been at it for several minutes.so ttfn etc etc etc.

At work, and it is a glorious day.

I am currently at work, sat at my desk and enjoying life today. I am in one of those moods. The sun is out, the birds are singing with all their might and everyone else seems to be in a good mood too. Wonderful day. Thank God I am alive and well, and able to enjoy it. Has been a bit quiet, but not so as it gets boring. Still time for something to happen.
Will post again later today, but first I have to finish work. Probably will go shopping later on as we didnt make it yesterday.

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Another day outside

Not sure what happened yesterday, I fully intended to post, but I failed. No excuse is there really.
It was quite an uneventful day too. But then I never seem to have anything that interesting or newsworthy happen these days, so have to content myself with the humdrum events of everyday life as it is at present.
Got up at the usual time. Had my usual breakfast and left for work at the usual time. I got there as usual, and did all the things that I usually do. Had my lunch as usual, and finished at the usual time. Then got home. That was my day. Absolutely nothing happened. No-one exciting came in, no interesting or funny (as in ha ha) phone calls. The weather did what it did without being particularly exciting or extreme. All in all , a nothing of a day.
Today has been slightly more interesting, in that I didn't have to go to work. When I got up, I said my prayers (as I usually do when I get up, not for any special reason), then went downstairs. MLO and his mother were in the garden already, washing pots off. (I didn't get up late, they were just early, honest guvnor). I had a coffee and went out to join them, moved a few things around, potted a few things up, and then took a few photographs as evidence that the garden can look good sometimes. (Give it a couple of months and it will look a mess again, I guarantee).
After doing a few jobs, I decided to have an early lunch, so had some spinach and ricotta tortellini, with a little bit of smoked salmon. That was exceedingly yummy. Had another coffee, and went back outside.

In the back garden, is an old bench that had been painted a few years ago, but was in desperate need of a little TLC. So I got out my sander, and dremel, and stripped it bare. It looks gorgeous now, and I am seriously wondering whether I should repaint it or just seal it with something clear. I also used one of the attachments on the dremel to sharpen all our garden shears and loppers, they look pretty mean now, plus do a marvelous job of cutting again.
I am currently sat in the study, looking out to the evening sky, the moon looks nice and bright tonight.
Will be going shopping shortly, to get our supplies for the next few days at least. I feel in need of some seriously carnivorous grub tonight, so I think a nice lamb chop or a thick steak are in order. Will see what looks the best when we get to the shop in Hereford.
Anyway, am just about to have another coffee, get changed then go out.If anything particularly mind blowing happens, I will report back tonight, otherwise, I will report back tomorrow as usual. So ttfn, au revoir and goodnight.


Well, somehow I managed to neglect to update this blog yesterday. Probably due to the fact that I was utterly and completely knackered. Have no idea how I managed to be so tired. Started the day off well yesterday. Had a pretty busy morning at work, which was a nice surprise on a Sunday.
Came home, had a shower, helped MLO in the garden with the mowing etc. Went to the recycling to get rid of all the grass cuttings paper and glass for the week, and then went straight to church.
When we got into the church MLO said he was sure he recognised someone in the front pews, he looked again and realised he did, it was his and his mothers vicar from his and her regular church.He put this down to the fact that another of the congregation had mentioned to us that he knew them when we first went to the church. We sat down, then the vicar entered, well surprise surprise, it wasn't our usual, it was the vicar from MLO's church. This would be interesting.
Up until this point MLO's mother had no idea that I had been going to Church at all, and certainly I hadn't told her about everything else, and my reasons for returning to Church.
Problem was both she and MLO are very good friends with the vicar, so MLO said it would be awkward explaining why he appeared to be unfaithful to his regular church, and also awkward because his mother would then find out we had been going there.
I would have gone to MLO's regular church if his mother hadn't forbidden him from taking me with him. Her reasoning was that she was embarrassed to be seen with me, mainly due to the fact that I wasn't a proper farmers daughter, and the fact that she has never appreciated the fact that her son isn't exclusively hers anymore.
I am glad that the people I meet everyday are nowhere near as bigoted and judgemental as she is.
Anyhow, at the peace, the vicar gave me a lovely hug and called me sweetheart. Made my day. At the end we had a lovely long chat with his wife and explained that it was for me that he had been coming, but didn't explain why I had wanted to come in the first place. They told us to say hello to MLO's mother and to tell her they may pop round one day this week.
When we got home and MLO let slip where we had been, she flew off the handle. Stupid, stupid woman, she behaves like a spoilt idiot sometimes. She later went on moaning that it would be all round the village now that they had seen me. The fact that I have been with MLO for practically 14 years now, and nearly all of them have met me in one way or another around the place meant nothing to her. She calls herself a Christian, but she is the biggest hypocrite and bigot imaginable. I just wish MLO would try to make her see what she is like, but he wont. She seems to assume that everyone is the same as her in her attitude and views. Thank the Lord that they aren't is all can say.
Another thing was that I had made up my mind to tell the vicar what I felt and everything else, I had psyched myself up for the task, and that all fell apart. Will have to tell him when I see him next. Was a bit odd though having a different vicar appear. No mention was made of the regular, or where he was, so I have no idea on that. Probably on holiday I assume. At least I hope.
MLO's mother stayed in a mood all night because of us, or rather, me, to be more specific, having been there.
She seemed a little less stroppy this morning, but still obviously in a mood.
We did outside again this morning and afternoon. Did the brickworlk round the back of the house with the pressure washer. Amazing how much muck seemed to come off them, and how green some of them had gone, especially round the bottom layers of brick. Pleased to report that they look much nicer and redder now.
I have work again tomorrow, not really looking forward to it, as I am still having trouble sleeping. Hope I can manage more than four hours sleep tonight, but we will see.
Popped out to the nearest garage for some milk this evening, and MLO bought three small strawberry trifles for us, so have enjoyed mine. Erlier on today I boiled up the remains of a chicken and made some stock from it, which was then turned into a delicious soup with the adition of some asparagus stalks, leeks and potato. It was delicious, it really was. All gone now though.
Busy listening to Elgar on Spotify now. Thinking I really ought to say my evening prayers, as I have left them very late tonight. So I had better get on, and say ttfn, and goodnight ne and all. Au revoir mon amis.

A descision has been made.

Was an uneventful day today all told. Nothing happened. Got up, went to work, worked came home, ate dinner, washed up and went on the computer (where I still am now).
Having a particularly cheesy end to the day at present, busy listening to Andy Williams croon away on Spotify. What a brilliant thing Spotify is. If you aren't using it yet I highly recommend it. Free and legal. I love it.
For dinner tonight I did a spicy spatchcock chicken with salad and rice. Rather lovely it was too, if I do say so myself. MLO seemed suitably impressed with it as well, so result there.Have to have a shower yet tonight, as I wont have time in the morning for one before I go to work. Then lunch, time in the garden hopefully and church. I am still going to tell the vicar tomorrow, but come tomorrow, I will probably bottle it, knowing me (which I do fairly well).
I thought I would stick a photo on here of the church I will be going to tomorrow night, as it is really quite lovely. Not one I took mind.
Like a quite a few other churches in Herefordshire, it has a lovely black and white tower, well some of it is. Apparently part of the nave dates back to the early 12th century, and Edward Elgar used to cycle here from his home in Hereford city, to play on the lovely organ there. So that's quite interesting isn't it?
Inside the walls are whitewashed so it is beautifully light inside, and it still has proper pews, not chairs. Out of the two churches I go to, I think this one is nicer in a way, I suppose it is because it is a rural church, rather than the town one I visit on the alternate week. (The reason I do this is due to the fact I work every other Sunday morning, so cannot get to the morning service at the vicars town church every week, so go to his other church for the Sunday evening service instead. Works quite well I think. Not sure what the vicar thinks though, probably just wishes we'd make our minds up which one to go to and stick with it). Another plus point is that at the evening service, we get to sing hymns. Which I love. The morning service doesn't have hymns, but at 8:00am on a Sunday morning, I doubt anyone there has the energy to sing.
Am busy wondering exactly how I will word what I want to tell the vicar tomorrow. Do I just come straight out with it, or circle the issue and hope that he brings it up instead, but I suppose that would be hoping too much. After telling him I want to be baptised and confirmed, will he want to know why? If he asks, it will probably make it a bit easier to tell him. I expect what will happen though is he will say he's busy, and to call the parish office to make an appointment.
I have just opened a can of diet Vimto, which I utterly adore, it is definitely my drink of choice, has been since I was a kid, that and Irn-Bru, which is almost as gorgeous. Funny thing is, Vimto has become our number 1 selling drink at work, everyone seems to like it these days, but for a very long time, you didn't seem able to get it anywhere, bit like Victory Vs, I love them too.
I have just realised, tomorrow is Vocations Sunday.... I guess he will assume I am only saying something because of that, I expect his sermon will be about that , oh I dont know, but then neither will I know if I dont say a thing. GRRR I could scream sometimes, it is my own silly head that is doing it, I should really just trust God on this, I certainly trust him infiniely more than I did, My overactive mind and imagination seem to take over occasionally, which really isnt good.
Anyhoo. The time has come the walrus said, to think of many things, like sailing ships and ceiling wax and going to bed, and things.
Night night on and all.

Work was busy today.

My mum got back from her little sojourn into the Welsh hills and mountains today, She left me a text message to let me know she was back alright, and the message that she would be calling me later on. Typical, all week I have been attempting to get to talk to her to no avail, she was obviously having far to much fun. Now she is back, and at home again, she wants to talk. She was rather annoyed about the fact that cannot meet up tomorrow as we usually do every other week. Problem was last weekend I swapped to this weekend because of MLO and his mother going to London. I did try to let her know, but as I said she was enjoying herself far too much.
Oh dear, I sound like I am getting all bitchy about my mother there, I'm not, really I'm not, but she is a bit like that.
For once work was enjoyably busy, at times anyway. Managed to take practically double what we managed yesterday, which was nice. One lady came in, and wandered round for a while, and ended up spending over £50 on sweets, ice creams biscuits and other stuff, kind of got the feeling that she may have been a compulsive spender, as her son, who couldn't have been more than 7 years old, kept saying that they didn't want half the stuff she had. But what can you do?
Well the weather was quite nice for most of the day, then went all rainy and miserable, and cheered up again just in time for the evening. Lovely.
I overslept this morning a little, I didn't manage to get out of bed until 25 minuted before I was due to leave for work. I really never thought it possible to get washed and dressed and ready so quickly. I also know that I need to sleep, almost fell asleep at work again today, which has the potential to be rather embarrassing, imagine if the boss walked in just when I was dozing, what the heck could I say to explain myself? I don't want to think about that. Have to buy a pair of matchsticks I will.
Have been mooching around the inter net for religious / Christian blogs and websites. Its strange, I never came across them when I wasn't looking for them, but now I am actively searching them out, they are everywhere. Not that I am complaining, because I am not. One thing I seem to have come up blank with on my searches has been blogs or websites about people who feel called, but before it is all out in the open as such, with maybe only close family or partners knowing. And what they are feeling, what thoughts are going through their heads, how their partners cope with the news etc. I'm sure there are blogs out there that pertain to this, but I haven't found them yet.
It would help if I could read about people in the same sort of circumstances, almost everything you read is about people who are well on the way, maybe having spoken with their vicar moths before, or people who have started training.
I'm waffling again, my brain is disconnecting from the rest of me. That means it is time for bed, and to try to get some sleep.. hopefully .
Sorry not a very long post, but I am just too tired right now. Had to shopping after work, then cook for a demanding future mother in law, then tidy up etc. Then mum rang, so very long day.
Night night everyone.

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Herefordshire, United Kingdom
Born in 1975 in Brixham, in glorious Devon. Spent most of my youth in grimy birmingham. As soon as i was able at 18 I moved to beautiful Herefordshire. Where i remain to this day. Work at Locks Garage, famous for our ice creams. Generally wonderful place.
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