Yesterday I was baptised and confirmed by the Bishop of Hereford at St Pauls (town church). There were five of us altogether who were confirmed and just two of us were baptised aswell.  It was an utterly amazing experience, so completely amazing. I still cant quite get over the whole thing. (Not that I ever really want to :-)).
I spent the day in a bit of a whirl really. First communion was so wonderful, I think I surprised myself at how it made me feel. When I was given the bread, I just stared at it for a while trying to get my head round it, what it was, being able to be there, and take part in something so mind blowing, so special and wonderful. Then in the evening at  St Andrews (country church) it was the same, but this time I was given the bread by the vicar, ( the Bishop gave it me in the morning) which was was really lovely, and the wine by a wonderful man, who along with everyone else, were the reason I wanted to be confirmed into the churches we go to.
When MLO and I arrived in the evening so many people came and congratulated me, and welcomed me,  I have never felt so in awe of peoples kindness and love, and I have done nothing to deserve that, other than turning up to church each Sunday.  The vicar came out then to welcome me to the church, which was also such a lovely kind gesture. Right now I am not quite sure what to do with myself, all I seem able to to is alternate going round in floods of tears because I am so overjoyed,then humbled, at everyone that I cant quite control my emotions, then thanking God for everything in my life, the people I know and love, and everything else. I hope I never forget yesterday.
The previous Sunday, the vicar had tried to get me to agree to say something about why I wanted to be baptised and confirmed, I backed away from him at that point, no way Jose am I getting up there in front of everyone, he did say that if I wrote something then the Bishop would read it out. Phew.
I had tried to get something written and had made many attempts at getting my thoughts and feelings down on paper, but it always seemed wrong. I was sat in front of the computer yesterday morning about half an hour before we were due to get to church staring at the screen thinking that now would be a good time to decide on what to to put. So I just wrote, and hoped it was ok.
We got to the church, and waited a while for the Bishop to arrive, which he did, complete with big black swooshy cloak, looking like an ecclesiastical version of Dracula, but infinitely less scary, and who quickly put us at our ease, as we were all rather worried. He then mentioned saying something, which most of us had hoped he would have forgotten, but he agreed to read three of ours out, and  two brave souls read their own. The one lady who read hers out told us about the most amazingly terrible time in her life recently, more unhappiness, sorrow and badness than I know I could have coped with, yet she was up there, thanking God for what she had,  made me think about my life in a different perspective.
Then the bishop read out what the other three of us had written. This was what I wrote.

 When I was much (!) younger, I used to go to church, and really enjoyed it, but as I got older, I got out of the habit of going, other than for special occasions. I would sometimes read the bible - when I could remember where I had left it, and prayed on and off whenever I wanted something. I was happy to call myself a Christian - without really thinking about what it meant.

  But it always felt like something was missing - a hole in my life, and no matter what I did or had, or what I bought, the feeling wouldn't go away.

I quite often thought about going back to church, but never did. I thought maybe it wasn't necessary , that I could carry on as I was.

I used to imagine that God was this huge stern guy in the sky, complete with big grey beard and fiery eyes, someone to be scared of, who, if I ever put a foot wrong would probably make my life a misery.

  Eventually, I realised that whatever else I did, I needed to go back to church. It wasn't like I made a decision and said “right, I'm going today“, it was a feeling in me that I felt I couldn't really argue with. Although it took me a long time after realising that I had to go before I actually walked through the doors of a church, but I did (obviously), and am so very glad that I did.

  After coming for a few months, I realised how important it had become to me; that I had started to really look forward to going each Sunday. I enjoyed being there, worshiping God, praying, listening and learning something each week, and looked forward to seeing the people who had been so welcoming and friendly when we first started going.

I learnt that God wasn't as scary as I first thought, rather, that he was pretty wonderful, and He loved us pretty much no matter what; and to me, that was the most amazing discovery imaginable, and made me want to give something back, both to God, and the church I had been going to.

That is one reason I want to be baptised and confirmed, so I can become a full member of the church, especially the churches I go to. I need to be able to show just how much I love it, and want everyone to know how important it is to me to be a Christian, a part of this church in particular and for all that it stands for.

hopefully by being baptised and confirmed, I can show that I am making a commitment to this church and saying that this is the church that I want to be part of.

• MLO for his unfailing love and support.
• My mum, who, whatever else is still my mum and without whom I simply wouldn't be here.
• MLOs mum for agreeing to come on Sunday, and realising what it meant to me. 
• The vicar for giving his time to get us through this, and helping us learn what being a Christian is and means for our lives, and for guiding and teaching us and being a wonderful example to us.
• The Bishop, who baptised and Confirmed us, which was an enormous honour for us.
• All the people at St Andrews and St Pauls who are so welcoming and kind, and the main reason for me wanting to be baptised and confirmed as a part of those churches in particular. 
•  For everyone in the past who led me to You Lord.

I have retrieved the phone now, which contains the pictures, so can put them up on here. 

As I said yesterday, mum and I went to Northampton on Saturday, and spent a bit of time whilst there looking round churches.There were three that we visited, the first we came across by chance, as we were walking into the town from the train station. This was the church of St Peter, and although it is still used, it is cared for by the Churches Conservation Trust.  We had to go up the road to a local hotel in order to get the keys to open up the church, which we did after them taking ID etc. We then spent about an hour looking round and taking pictures. As we were leaving I heard someone at the gate outside, which we had locked up behind us, they wanted to come in. I had to explain that I needed to take the key back and sign it back in, before they could have it, and as such needed to follow me up the road so they could then sign it out.  The man and the woman seemed a little miffed that I couldn't just give them the key, but I had no idea what would happen if I didn't take the key back.

Anyway, from there we carried on our way towards town, when mum saw a signpost for one of the other churches that we wanted to see, but it was heading up along the side of a very big and busy road, so we decided we would get into town and have a wander round there first. We went off to find the tourist information first to get a map of the town, and found the way to the church. So off we went to St Sepulchre church, one of only four churches in Britain , where the round church part is still standing.  It was surprisingly huge inside, but lovely. 

From there we left to go and find lunch somewhere, and ended up in M&S for a cheese and mushroom toastie, which is delicious. Suitably refreshed we set off into the own again, There was a huge market there so we had a mooch round that, then round some of the shops. We had enough a little while after and headed back to the station, but a different way to the one we had come into the town, and passed the church of All Saints, and as it was open, had to go in.  What a lovely building, with probably the most comfortable pews  I have ever sat on. Everything that could be was either painted, mainly brown or covered in gold. 

Well, we left there eventually, and made our way home. Didn't do an awful lot in Brum once we had got back. 

This last week has been quite an enjoyable one for me, not sure why, it just has. Monday was spent at home getting washing and things done, Tuesday was a day at work. Wednesday was MLOs birthday, so we went to one of his favourite food pubs for a celebratory lunch. Just outside Raglan by Monmouth, the Cripplecreek Inn, who do lovely roast lamb with mash and veg, swiftly followed by the largest individual berry pavlova I have ever seen in my life, thinking back I wish I had taken a photograph of it, as it was truly gargantuan. Once MLO had nobbled most of the cream, which I am not too fond of, I have to say it was utterly delicious. MLO had a rather more mundane piece of apple pie, which was only spectacular in its ordinariness, but as MLO is the worlds biggest apple pie fan, he was completely contented. We went to Monmouth afterwards but didn't stay long due to torrential rain making it pretty unpleasant going, especially so as we only had the one umbrella between us, and neither of us were wearing a jacket. We went home then after that. MLOs mother was away up in the peak district Wednesday and Thursday, so a blissfully quiet couple of day were had at home. 

Thursday was work again, as was Friday, Saturday and again this morning (Sunday). 

During the week, I finally sorted out whether I could have the few days of next week to go camping in Norfolk, and I am glad to say I can. So camping preparations are going at a great pace, time has crept up on us and overtaken without so much as a by or leave, and we have found that due to the fact that we are both working straight through to Tuesday evening, and  with MLO having a meeting on Tuesday night there is practically no time to sort all the stuff out. We did manage to get our tent out and put it up in the back garden,to check to see if it was still waterproof. Being a heavy cotton canvas one, we weren't about to take any chances, so with MLO standing inside, and me totally drenching it with the hose outside, we couldn't find a single drip or leak, so good to go.  

As I had work this morning, we could only get to the evening service. On the way to church, I had the strangest feeling that something was happening again, quite apart from my rumbling tummy, and got to church in a far more cheerful happy mood than I have done of late. Was a good service, quite amusing in parts, especially the part where the vicar sprang a new hymn on us, and the entire first verse was sung in silence and whispers as no one could figure out the tune, even the vicar was quiet on that point.  Eventually someone sang out in the second verse, and everyone else gradually joined in as they got it. By the fifth and final verse we were going great guns. At the end of the service we said the usual goodbyes etc, then he mentioned the weather and we talked about going camping, then all of a sudden, he said that he was finally sorting out some dates for confirmation classes, but just had to finalise a date with the Bishop.  All I could do was grin like a Cheshire cat and say thank you, and positively skipped out of church and back to the car. Still haven't stopped smiling yet. I had almost begun to think he had forgotten, but just when I feel something is going to happen, it does. Totally cool. Woohoo, yay etc.  God really is Great.  :-) 

I have to be up early again for work tomorrow, and want to get quite a lot done there, so I must go for now. So TTFN. Good night etc. 

Today was the day when I had to go and see the vicar for a chat. Not quite sure why, but I was a little nervous, I shouldn't have been. The aim of the chat was to sort out why I wanted to be baptised and confirmed. That's what I had assumed anyway. Not sure exactly what happened though. We did talk about it for a few minutes, but not long at all, although this was probably just my fault, when he asked me why? The best answer I could give him, was that it was something I felt that I needed to do, fully expecting him to ask me to be a bit more specific, or that he would think I was being a bit flakey. Instead, after I had apologised for not being able to describe it in a more precise way, or define my thoughts more accurately, he actually said that it was great that I had such a strong feeling in me. "oh ....ok.., I thought. I was so relieved when he said that. I was dreading what I was going to say, and in the end just told him what I really thought and felt, and it was fine, and he was fine about it too. Then, the conversation veered offtrack somehow, I now know more than I ever wished to know about the parish finances, how much the parish share is each year, which was shockingly large, what the annual turnover is, how the PCC goes about it's business, and other stuff like how many staff they employ for the various concerns,  and the fact that he is run off his feet, waiting for a curate, but apparently he is still waiting to hear about that one. He is getting a youth worker from Buckingham way in September I think he said, and then said rather than saving him work, it will just add to his workload. He also said he has to spend far more time doing paperwork than he would wish, and couldn't spend as much time out and about the parish as he wanted. Apparently the parish of the town church includes over 12,000 people, several schools and a hospital. That is a lot of people to get round. Maybe he was just telling me all this to see if he could scare me away from the idea of being a priest? He then told me about the direction he wanted to take the church (and gave me a little printout to illustrate the point). In particular, he wanted to involve everyone in the service, including preaching etc, but not doing communion, obviously. He said last Sunday at the 10 am service two people took it, who were a bit like me (slightly bizarre, far too colourfully dressed and oh so slightly mad?), but no,  he said who were looking to perhaps become priests one day.  He then asked me a few other things about where God had been in my life, and also said, due to the Bishop being rather busy, it could be months before I am baptised and confirmed, and asked if I was ok with that. Which I was, it will give me time to attempt to get my head round exactly what it means. He said that he wanted me to be done in a regular service, either at the country church or the town church, and to do the both together, which is kind of what I had assumed would happen anyway, but it seems that he has special services for baptisms of babies each week in addition to the normal church services, and that he was fully booked up until the end of  January. He then mentioned how I felt about other stuff, and what I felt I should do, and I said to him that I really felt I needed to be baptised and confirmed before I started to think about going anywhere with that,  he than said "So you want to take it at your own pace then?", and I nodded, he said that was great and fine also.  

At a point in the chat I said where I was born, where I had been to church before etc, and then strangely enough he asked me if I had been baptised before, what sort of a question was that, why did he think I was there. Even more odd was his reaction when I told him no; he was genuinely surprised. I'm mystified to say the least, but there you go. 

We talked about other things, and at one point, after I had said that I had never met my father, not that I remember anyway, he said that his father had left them when he was three years old, he seemed quite sad about it, wheras I, never having known him, and my mother never talking about him never really missed him. Although I did attempt to trace him a few years back, I thought at the time, I should find out who he was and is. But realised that so long had passed, and he could be a happily married man with a family, and I really wasn't all that worried, so stopped looking. The vicar then went on to say that a good thing for me to do, would be to write something on where I have felt God has been throughout my life, and my life in general, including any issues I may have secretly locked away inside, and to try and work them all out to know myself better. He said he did this when he first started looking and it helped him a lot. So I will have a go at that.

He ended the chat asking if I would like to pray with him, yes please I answered, and he said the loveliest prayer about God being in my life, asking him to guide me thanking him for the grace that he had given me. Problem is, I can't remember all of what he said my mind is a blank on that. I remember it was very moving though, and remember that God was most definitely there at that time, which was astoundingly wonderful, and great and lovely and marvelous. So I left him a little over an hour after I had arrived, feeling so at peace, more so that I have done for a long time. I thanked him for praying and for his time, and he seemed a little bemused. I also apologised for maybe not doing as much talking as I should, and not saying very much, he replied by saying,"No, that's fine you said quite a lot". When?  I thought. Unless he was being metaphorical, in which case I don't know what to think. 

He did talk about the 10am service a lot, so may just go along to see what that is all about, he says he gets about 150 - 180 usually, and has a lot more modern hymns. Only problem is, it also has projectors a band and a drumkit, which I am extremely dubious of. But the thought of singing away with a church literally full of other people is certainly appealing, just have to convince MLO to ignore the drumkit etc (He would be BCP all the way if he had a choice), he thinks I am am bit hippyfied for preferring Common Worship. 

Yesterday was good at church very very enjoyable. Started the service with one of my very favourite hymns, Lord of all hopefulness had a really brilliant sermon,and three more great hymns. Was quite amusing when we got there, another lady who we hadn't seen before greeted us and asked us if we were visiting.  Twice we have been asked that recently, despite going there regularly for almost four months, more and more people keep popping up, I don't doubt we will be asked again. The last hymns we sang was "O Jesus we have promised, to serve thee to the end" an utterly lovely hymn, whose words seemed very meaningful to me, as I am sure they do to everyone, but after the sermon and everything else, the words seem to speak to me there and then. For some reason, I happened to look towards the front, where the vicar was doing his tidying up thing, and he gave a huge cheesy grin at me, as if to say that ones for you. Now I don't for one moment think that,  but it certainly made me smile so much it was difficult to sing. 

Have even started to enjoy the peace at the country church, going so far as to mill around trying to make sure I get to everyone else, I think it's because it really is a lovely joyful thing with everyone being really genuinely happy to wish everyone else peace with a huge smile on their face. It doesn't feel at all false, just completely natural and lovely. You wouldn't have got me out of the pew a while ago for love nor money. At the town church though the peace (at the 8 am service) has usually felt like it is merely being endured by the congregation, and there is not much joy in it except for the one couple there, the one of whom used to teach MLO at school.

Anyway that's all I can remember for now, and I really need to get to bed, as I have to be at work in seven hours, so night night.

Well, here we are, Wednesday again. Although as I type, it is still Tuesday night as far as I am concerned.

We have had a couple of interesting days weather wise here. Monday was lovely up until about ten last night, and the heavens opened. Blimey, I have never seen rain so heavy in all my life. Within half a minute, the water was 3 inches deep outside the front door, it could not drain away fast enough. The gutters were all overflowing, even though they are clean. Mad rain. Then came the thunder and lightning. Pretty spectacular. Very cool when the thunder booms and you can still hear it ages later as it rolls around and echoes off the surrounding hills. The lightning was the sort that lights up the whole sky, the odd thing about it was I was sure I could smell it. Very peculiar indeed. The weather lasted a couple of hours, then faded away into nothing, and Tuesday started off with bright glorious sunshine. That's how the day stayed too, got fairly warm this afternoon, and has started to feel humid, so no doubt we will be getting rain tomorrow.

Had to put the price of petrol up again by four pence per litre. The price now stands at £1.08 per litre for both diesel and unleaded petrol. So, understandably custom was down yet again. as far as I can gather, so my boss informs me anyway,  the so called shortage was actually engineered by the oil companies in this country in order to  push the price up. Rather underhanded if it is true, and even seems slightly illegal to me, but then I know nothing about the laws of this country, so am probably completely wrong, still doesn't seem right though.

Other than the price of fuel not much to tell about work. A couple of our farmer customers stopped by for fuel and a bit of a chat. A lot of the talk was about Dairy Farmers of Britain. Quite a few local farmers were part of the cooperative, and quite apart from the fact that they wont be paid for the milk they produced last month, a lot also had money invested in the company, just four I know of will have lost between them almost half a million pounds. Money that they could not afford to lose. The amount of jobs that are expected to be lost in the company, and also on farms where staff can no longer be paid, is expected to exceed the total job loss at LDV, there will be no government help for the farmers here though. Farmers and farming seem to be last in the list of government priorities.

Vicar rang up yesterday evening, but for some reason my mobile didn't ring just went straight to answerphone, and then didn't inform me until over an hour later, otherwise I could have rung back. I have managed to wheedle out of MLO some more info on what he may or may not have said. Seems he did say something. What do I say to the vicar now? I feel like running for cover and hiding under a pile of rocks about it all. I really wanted to leave it quite a while yet before anything was said, and now it is all wrong. Much too soon. But hey, maybe it is the right time, and I just haven't realised it yet, maybe it's what should happen. I wont know till I call the vicar back, just have no idea what to say?  There I go again, worrying about things that haven't happened yet. I'm pretty good at that lately. If MLO did say what I am now pretty certain he did say, I can't pretend that he was lying, or making it up. Bummer. I actually ended up listening to the answerphone message more than once, to see what I could pick up from the tone of his voice, and attempt to figure out what he was thinking. No use though, I think the only thing I found out, is that he probably doesn't like answerphones.

I Will call back tomorrow, all he said was that, unfortunately his evenings in June were pretty much taken up already, and would like to have a chat with me, left his study number, and said he looked forward to hearing from me soon.  If I can't get through before Sunday, it will be a little awkward in church, I know that. 

Oh what the heck. I could be knocked down by a bus tomorrow, I will just go wherever I am taken.  Forget about worrying, and what people think, I should be out there screaming from the rooftops. That's even how I feel sometimes. 

 I am going to stop now, if I carry on I will tie my brain up in knots. Am off to bed after a couple of games of minesweeper. So night night everyone.

Well, it has been a very quiet weekend all round for me. Not having any petrol to sell, meant having to turn away an increasingly large number of people, some understanding, some very much the opposite. That is the one thing that annoys me about working where I do, for the most part the people who come into the shop are lovely friendly and chatty people, but there is always one who seems to think that we are doing everything we can to inconvenience them, and doing so deliberately. Amazing the language that some people use and how personal the remarks can be if they feel aggrieved. When that happens, there is so much temptation to tell them precisely what I think of them at that moment, but quite apart from it not being the done thing for staff to abuse the customers, it would just result in me doing exactly what I am annoyed at the customer for doing. Solves nothing. But what are you supposed to do when a customer on finding out we have sold out of petrol, then asks you in an extremely threatening manner, "What you going to do about it then", and who then refuses to listen when you explain there isn't a lot that we can do, but let him know where he can get some from. Usually that kind of customer leaves the shop swearing worse than a trooper. What did it achieve? Do these people think they can intimidate me into saying, "Sorry sir, I lied, we actually have plenty of petrol, just pulling your leg there, terribly sorry?" Wonder why I bother some days.

Anyway, rant over. The weather has been utterly lovely again this weekend, pretty warm yesterday and today.  Had a short and very sharp rainstorm this evening, which led to a mad dash round the house in a race to get all the windows shut before the house was deluged. Ten minutes later and it was all over, and business as usual as far as the sun was concerned. Only a week left till the longest day, once that is over and done with winter seems to be there before you realise it. It is still partially light out as I write this (23:34 pm),lovely.

It was the Hampton Bishop church fete yesterday, which I missed due to working, but MLO made an appearance there. Quite a good turn out of people by all accounts. It was the vicars first ever country fete, so hope he enjoyed it. When MLO was there, the vicar went up to him, and mentioned that he hadn't been in touch, the office had lost my details, so he got MLO to write them down for him. He promised to be in touch in the week. Yay. :-) One thing though, MLO was being a little cryptic with me, and I am a little suspicious that he may have told the vicar everything, absolutely everything. One part of me thinks, if he has then Woo, I don't have to tackle that, but unfortunately the larger part of me, is worried about the fact that he may have done, as it really, and most certainly was not the right time. But as I think I have said before, "What will be will be".  I was unable to get to church today, MLO  had to go to a service at his mums church, one of the Lay readers was being made an Emeritus, quite an honour, so of course there was a nice big service with wine and nibbles to follow. Apparently it was a lovely service. As the service there was at the same time as the service we would have usually gone to, MLO couldn't manage to go, and as I don't drive, it was something of a problem, I could have walked, but that was either 3 ish miles through very overgrown river meadows, or much further along the main roads. I suppose a taxi would have helped, but at their Sunday rate, that would have been a minimum of £20 each way, not an amount I would be willing to pay. It really sounds as if I am making excuses here, but I'm not. MLO did let them know we wouldn't be there.  

I am looking forward to hearing from the vicar this coming week, not sure what I will say, if it does indeed turn out that MLO told him everything, but hopefully it wont be mentioned, and we will just have a chat about being baptised.  MLO wont tell me one way or the other whether he said anything or not, even when I press him on it, all he will say is "The jobs a good 'un", which could be taken to mean anything. I could scream sometimes. 

It has been another one of those days, where it feels as if God is trying to tell me something, or perhaps more specifically to get me to see something, or work something out, and  as usual, I'm here thinking "What?" utterly missing the point or gist of it all, and feeling rather bemused and perplexed again.  Time for some quiet time again I think. As I have been on every day this week, combined with going shopping and everything else that needs doing, I have had very little real opportunity for uninterrupted peace and quiet. Just squeezing in prayers in the morning and evening. I should have spent more time reflecting during them. 

When we left for work this morning, there was a mad little spider sunning itself on the car window, I had to take a picture of it, sorry about the quality, but it was taken on my phone. After looking it up, I think he is a jumping spider if some sort, no idea on the specifics unfortunately.He is strangely cute though in a spidery sort of way.

I have run out of things to blog about now, and as it is past my bedtime, I think that is where I should be headed right now, so night night. 

Friday again, already.

Wow, where did the week just go? Has been an odd couple of days at work today and yesterday. Had a brilliantly busy morning, but then in the afternoon, quieter than it has ever been.  It really is no good at all. 

I have been feeling a little offish the last couple of days, I felt pretty rough yesterday, and actually got to bed at nine in the evening, which is utterly unheard of for me,  I eventually surfaced just after seven this morning. Ten hours sleep. I didn't feel tired when I got up, which made a nice change. My poor old tummy has been suffering a little lately, disagrees with everything that I eat or drink, so have given up on that as much as is possible, wont do me any harm though.

We, that is MLO and I, were going to go to a special church service yesterday evening at the town church we go to, all about the churches vision and values, and to get together as a congregation to discuss where we felt it should be going, although the vicar had already set down the main values he felt we should be going with. Anyway, we arrived and parked up, I said to wait as the choir was still  practising. Few minutes later most of the choir left to go home, and other people started to arrive for the service/meeting. There must only have been about fifteen of them, Unfortunately neither MLO or I recognised any of them, and we supposed they went to the ten am service, rather than the  eight am we usually go to. The other thing was, there was not one man going in to the church. Every last one of the people going in was a woman, and all looked to be in their forties.  Methinks the vicar has something of a fanclub forming there :-) . MLO and I ended up not going in, as it would have felt a little bit uncomfortable,   MLO said,  "There's no men, I'm not going in there.".  Can't say as I blame him either, there was no way I was going to go in there, not unless there were a few more men, or even just a few more people in general.  Enough moaning about that for now. 

Right now, I cannot think of anything else to write about. oh, except that my rather naughty mobile phone has decided to delete the entire content of my applications and games folder, for reasons known only to itself. Has left me mystified, and a little annoyed, as some of the applications has had several things saved to them. Have been trying to get replacements for them all, but drawing a blank with some of them. But I cant do anything about it now, so no point moaning too much is there.

Oh well, night night one and all.

Not a lot to tell here today. Weather was wonderful again, as it has been now for days. The morning was not overly quiet at work, with the usual rush just before closing time. As it was the last day of the month, a few of the account customers came in to put fuel etc onto their account before they are sent out tomorrow. Plus I had the usual Sunday closing time rush. Don't ask me why they do it, but for some reason the customers leave it until the very last possible minute before coming up.  If ever I say anything about the time, the reply I nearly always get is, "Yes I know, that's why I came up because you  are about to close".  Why they cant come up at quarter to I will never know. Anyway rant over.

MLOs mother was packed off, up to Northumberland for the next seven days. So a quiet happy and peaceful house is resumed. It is as good as having a holiday when she is away. If I want to mooch around in my undies I can without worry, and if the washing up isn't done immediately it doesn't matter. Bliss.

Church this evening was enjoyable.  Vicar gave a very different sermon for Pentecost compared to his usual fare, and couldn't help but smile when in his sermon he used several sentences of something I read only that morning online. A few different faces about there too.

Lately when it has come to Communion, I have been staying in the pew, and not even going up for a blessing. It has suited me this way, and I figured it would make it a bit more special for when I had been baptised and confirmed. Trouble was I frequently got extremely disapproving looks from some of the congregation. Anyway, tonight, I saw the vicar frown in my direction as the last few had been given Communion. I hoped that he didn't feel offended or think I was deliberately turning my nose up at it. I had really wanted to talk to the vicar about getting baptised and confirmed, but he was always talking with someone else, so never had the chance, and really would rather talk face to face than via e-mail etc. Well, at the end of the service, the Vicar came over and asked me why it was I didn't go up for communion. When I answered him that I hadn't even been baptised, he seemed genuinely surprised at my answer, so what on earth did he think my reasons were?

Anyhoo, all turned out great, he said to me to leave my name and address with the parish office, and we can get together and have a chat about baptism. So all turned out pretty spectacularly well. Odd that all week since last Sunday I have felt like something was getting going, and I told MLO. I also was sticking to the notion that things will happen in their own time, and they have, but its like I was expecting it if that makes sense.

Oh well, it is another late night for me, so must get to bed asap. Am going to bed in a really happy mood. Very different to how I felt early on yesterday and the day before. All is well.

Hello world.
As promised here is a special 2 for the price of 1 blog. You buy one , you get one free, I say you buy one, you get one free. Sorry, couldn't resist it :-).
Well I will start with yesterday. Another very quiet day at work, probably the quietest Saturday ever since I have been there, which is almost 10 years now. Took an appallingly low total for the day. Was rainy and cold for the most part too, so all in all a low sort of a day. Thank goodness for books, as I get the very minimal of conversation (and believe me ANY conversation is better than none sometimes) I would go mad if I had nothing to read all that time. I do get to have some glorious wonderful silence too, just not always when I wish I could.
That's the big problem for me I think. When It has been quiet , and devoid of customers for any length of time (say half an hour or more), I am usually really getting to enjoy the quiet, or become engrossed in a book. If someone then comes in, I can end up feeling annoyed by the interruption. Which I really shouldn't. But don't worry, I am usually glad to see them (really I am).
There is an old man who comes in in his little car, whose car we fill up for him. I was doing just that and chatting away, but failed to notice that the pump hadn't cut out properly, and ended up with diesel all down my leg and over my one shoe. Ooh that stuff stinks.
Watched the Eurovision last night, and for the first time in years it felt like a proper contest, with much less backslapping going on between countries with their voting. All of the various countries acts seemed of a much higher standard, I really enjoyed watching it for once. Usually I end up cringing behind the sofa at the awfulness of it. But this year was spot on. Have to agree that Norway were pretty cool, and I loved Iceland's effort too. Oh yea mustn't forget our entry, Jade, must I. Fifth, I think we deserved a better placing than Turkey, but it was a fairly close run thing, so no real complaints.
Eurovision was partly to blame for me not blogging last night you see.
On to today now. Got to work this morning to a rather ominous variety of beepings. Not great. On closer inspection the machinery that controls all the fuel pump electronics and felling had gone and tripped, and tried to reset but failed. A few button presses later and a restart and all was OK on that front, but, the credit card terminal was literally terminal. Kaput. Rang up the help desk to try to rectify with a software reset over the the phone line. We are sorry, but our operating hours are from 10am till 5pm on Sundays. What use is that. I need help now, at 9am. Only had to turn one customer away who didn't have cash on him though, for which I was thankful.
10am I rang again, and got through to a wonderful call center in India (sarcastic hat on). Whenever we have to call them, they seem eternally confused with our English and pronunciations, and likewise us with theirs. So things tend to be a bit drawn out and take longer to explain than they should.
The first thing they suggested I should do was to turn it off and on again (I thought that was the IT departments little thing). That was the first thing I had tried when I got there. Much messing around later, and he comes to the conclusion that the machine doesn't work, which was funny, because that's what I told him to begin with, the very reason I rang up n the first place. "We will send a new one out to you. It should arrive Tuesday". Lovely. A whole day of not being able to accept cards, and having to turn lovely customers away. Most demoralizing it is. The other girl is on tomorrow, so she will have some fun there.
As was hardly surprising, we didn't take an awful lot.
Got home just after quarter past 1.
Last night I made a lovely beef and carrot stew, and left it overnight to improve. I put that on and we were eating just over half an hour later. Convenience food at its best.
Went and had a shower ready for church than and got myself ready. Got there just after 10 to 6, so had a bit of time to get comfy. We had forgotten, it was the evening prayer service rather than Communion service. So all packed like sardines into the Lady chapel. I really love these services, everyone in together instead of being spread all over the church. Much more fun altogether.
The sermon was very good, and extremely enjoyable, even entertaining today. The vicar started off talking about his masters degree, then consumerism, he then came out with a few fascinating facts on the shopping habits and behaviour of the average person, selling tactics of supermarkets, and how we always speed up when we walk past banks. Then a complete change of direction he began to talk about the reading we had had. I think the point he was trying to make was that we are very subtly manipulated by the supermarkets etc into buying things, that we may not have originally set out to buy, even though we assume we have a free will in what we buy, we are not as free to chose as we maybe would imagine.
But when it come to Gods love for us, we do not chose to receive it, but it is freely given to us, He chooses us. Where have the choice though, is whether to chose to love Him, and to chose to live as Jesus did. To love one another, to live peaceful, joyful helpful lives. Jesus said we are his friends, he wanted us to be his friend, as He is our friend. A friendship that is open to everyone and anyone who chooses it. Plus that we should be Christians 7 days a week, not just we sing His praises each Sunday in church. He calls us to be disciples to continue what was started 200 years ago. St least that how I understand it, I may be totally wrong.

Had a really good and enjoyable day yesterday. Mum came down on the train from Birmingham to Hereford. I had a little idea that rather than spending the whole day traipsing round Hereford, we would do something different, so we caught the train to Leominster.
Leominster is a small town about 12 miles northish of Hereford, quite sweet, and quiet. There are not that many shops in there, but what there is is plenty, and there is also a large supermarket on the edge of Leominster. Thee farmers market was in the square when we got there, so had a good mooch round that, didn't see anything I really wanted or needed, so went without buying a thing. After a short wander round, we decided it was time for a cup of tea, so called in at a little deli in the town, which sells all manner of lovely stuff. A lovely pot of tea was served, with little short breads on the side. We each got two cups out of the pot, and the total was only £1.90 for the two of us. Highly recommend it. Wandered around a little more, then Mum decided she wanted to go to the Priory Church , so we tootled off there for a mooch.
The Priory was much the same as I remembered it from last time, lovely building but a bit of an odd layout inside, but still very lovely.
Caught the train back to Hereford at half past one. From the station, we walked up into town, when mum declared that she was feeling hungry. Normally, we would have gone to the Cafe at All Saints, but I thought we could have a change for once, so we went to the Debenhams cafe in Maylord Orchards. Quite odd that we have one really,as we don't actually ave a Debenhams store in town. Anyway, mum had macaroni cheese, chips and peas, and I had fish, chips and peas. Surprisingly yummy.
Once lunch was over and done with, we nipped into TKMaxx to see what bargains there were to be had. Nothing doing there, so proceeded off to the rest of town. A couple of hours later, and both of us were thirsty so we went to M&S for a cold drink, and a sit down.
Went to Tesco in town then to meet up with MLO from work. Mum caught the 8 o clock train back to Birmingham, and we came home. Had felafel's, salad wrap for my tea, and had a relatively early night for once.
On to today, up at 7 to go to church. Because, I had swapped my weekends over, when I get to the morning service every other week, instead of being a more modern service from common worship, it is an old fashioned service fron Common book of Prayer. I am slightly annoyed about it as I have come to prefer the other service, but I cant do anything about it unfortunately. MLO was overjoyed though, he prefers the older style service, and he also didn't have to endure The Peace, as he hates it.

Was an extremely good sermon today, really gave us something to get our teeth into, about Jesus being the vine, and us, the branches. If we don't completely give our lives to Jesus, then we are effectively pruned of, and will shrink and wither, but in living for Jesus, our branch will grow, and other branches will grow from us eventually. In time, the branches will grow so strong that they cannot easily be pruned, or broken.
Most enjoyable service indeed. Unfortunately, there was such a crowd of people around (probably due to the fact that is was a Common Prayer service) that there wasn't ant chance to talk with the vicar. Will most definitely either phone or e-mail now. Cant see how else to do it.
Got home just after nine, unfortunately MLO had to go back out to help out a friend for a few hours at 10 not sure when he will be back, but hope he isn't too much longer. Spent a couple of hours in the garden this morning planting up a few pots and stuff, haven't done much since though. Will go and get Sunday lunch (dinner by the time we have it) on the go soon. We are eating late because of MLO being out.
Today has been a lovely day altogether. One of those days when you feel God right there with you. I have felt so peaceful and incredibly happy ever since I woke up, I am absolutely loving life, and loving, living life today. God truly is great.
If anyone reads this, who maybe doesn't believe, just take some time to find out. No one will laugh, no one even has to know. Life can be ok , or good without Jesus, but with him it will be great. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I do not say this to rack up numbers, or to prove somthing, or even because I have been told to, but simply because I want everyone to share what it is to believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, to know the love that God has for you, it is truly amazing, and makes me sad that more people don't know that love in their lives. God IS love. To know Him is to love Him. These are not hollow words, just written and spoken for their own sake, but are full of meaning for those who say them. Please, give God a chance, he loves you more than you will ever truly know, and all he asks for in return is your love back.

How useless am I? somehow I once again failed to update my blog last night. One small consolation is the fact that I did at least post during the daytime. As indeed I am now.
It was mayfair in Hereford last night, and the smell of onions and hotdogs and fairrides was too much to resist. So we had a really good wander round. Unlike most fairs the mayfair in Hereford is held in the city center along the streets and in the middle. The was even a carousel spinning round just inches away from the cathedral. Got a lovely picture of it on MLO's phone. Will try to post it later.

Anyway we had done the shopping before we went round the fair, and after our wander we didnt get home until well after nine. So ate very late. Still it was worth the wait. I had the steak that I was wanting from the other night with a lovely tomato and onion salad. Delicious. MLO has faggots mash and peas. With gravy of course.
Back to this morning and it has been fairly busy so far, which is wonderful. Bit bloomin chilly though, but at least the sun is shining.
I have this weekend off now so will be meeting up with mum tomorrow. Will probably convince her to come down here as rather selfishly I dont want the hassle of going up there. Besides she prefers to come down here anyway. Might just catch a bus somewhere, or even the train to Leominster or Ludlow. Not sure yet which we will do.
If the vicar is present on Sunday will try to get to talk to him. Doubt it somehow though, as there is usually a bit of a conveyor belt of people saying goodbye to us so we cant usually hang around. We will see though.
For a while the pull seemed to quieten down but the last few days it has been getting stronger and stronger. It feels if I dont say something soon it will make me explode. I am full up. I have to tell people. I want people to know how wonderful it all is. I cant help it. It is like when if you are with someone, when you look at then and feel that burst of love for them in your heart, its like that but all the time. It is amazing wonderful and joyous, but too much to keep contained. I feel compelled to tell everyone and to share it. But I also know I need to tell the vicar.
I was originally worried silly what he and anyone else would think, but that seems to have faded away the past few days. It wasnt the right time to say anything any earlier, I think that was the problem and why I felt so uncertain about it all. Now feels like the right time.
Anyway. Had better get back and get some work done. Blogging from my mobile takes a bit longer than via computer, and I have been at it for several minutes.so ttfn etc etc etc.

Well, somehow I managed to neglect to update this blog yesterday. Probably due to the fact that I was utterly and completely knackered. Have no idea how I managed to be so tired. Started the day off well yesterday. Had a pretty busy morning at work, which was a nice surprise on a Sunday.
Came home, had a shower, helped MLO in the garden with the mowing etc. Went to the recycling to get rid of all the grass cuttings paper and glass for the week, and then went straight to church.
When we got into the church MLO said he was sure he recognised someone in the front pews, he looked again and realised he did, it was his and his mothers vicar from his and her regular church.He put this down to the fact that another of the congregation had mentioned to us that he knew them when we first went to the church. We sat down, then the vicar entered, well surprise surprise, it wasn't our usual, it was the vicar from MLO's church. This would be interesting.
Up until this point MLO's mother had no idea that I had been going to Church at all, and certainly I hadn't told her about everything else, and my reasons for returning to Church.
Problem was both she and MLO are very good friends with the vicar, so MLO said it would be awkward explaining why he appeared to be unfaithful to his regular church, and also awkward because his mother would then find out we had been going there.
I would have gone to MLO's regular church if his mother hadn't forbidden him from taking me with him. Her reasoning was that she was embarrassed to be seen with me, mainly due to the fact that I wasn't a proper farmers daughter, and the fact that she has never appreciated the fact that her son isn't exclusively hers anymore.
I am glad that the people I meet everyday are nowhere near as bigoted and judgemental as she is.
Anyhow, at the peace, the vicar gave me a lovely hug and called me sweetheart. Made my day. At the end we had a lovely long chat with his wife and explained that it was for me that he had been coming, but didn't explain why I had wanted to come in the first place. They told us to say hello to MLO's mother and to tell her they may pop round one day this week.
When we got home and MLO let slip where we had been, she flew off the handle. Stupid, stupid woman, she behaves like a spoilt idiot sometimes. She later went on moaning that it would be all round the village now that they had seen me. The fact that I have been with MLO for practically 14 years now, and nearly all of them have met me in one way or another around the place meant nothing to her. She calls herself a Christian, but she is the biggest hypocrite and bigot imaginable. I just wish MLO would try to make her see what she is like, but he wont. She seems to assume that everyone is the same as her in her attitude and views. Thank the Lord that they aren't is all can say.
Another thing was that I had made up my mind to tell the vicar what I felt and everything else, I had psyched myself up for the task, and that all fell apart. Will have to tell him when I see him next. Was a bit odd though having a different vicar appear. No mention was made of the regular, or where he was, so I have no idea on that. Probably on holiday I assume. At least I hope.
MLO's mother stayed in a mood all night because of us, or rather, me, to be more specific, having been there.
She seemed a little less stroppy this morning, but still obviously in a mood.
We did outside again this morning and afternoon. Did the brickworlk round the back of the house with the pressure washer. Amazing how much muck seemed to come off them, and how green some of them had gone, especially round the bottom layers of brick. Pleased to report that they look much nicer and redder now.
I have work again tomorrow, not really looking forward to it, as I am still having trouble sleeping. Hope I can manage more than four hours sleep tonight, but we will see.
Popped out to the nearest garage for some milk this evening, and MLO bought three small strawberry trifles for us, so have enjoyed mine. Erlier on today I boiled up the remains of a chicken and made some stock from it, which was then turned into a delicious soup with the adition of some asparagus stalks, leeks and potato. It was delicious, it really was. All gone now though.
Busy listening to Elgar on Spotify now. Thinking I really ought to say my evening prayers, as I have left them very late tonight. So I had better get on, and say ttfn, and goodnight ne and all. Au revoir mon amis.

Really, nothing much at all happened, so I dont know what to tell you. The weather wasn't anything to write home about for most of the day, a little bit wet this morning, and cloudy for the rest of the day. Then at about 7:00pm we had the most tremendous thunderstorm, the sky was black, lightning flying across the sky, and lterally nonstop thunder, each rumble running into the next so a wall of sound for at least a quarter of an hour. Then came the rain; stairrods would be a good description, closely followed by some pretty crazy hail, the lawn was white for a time afterwards. All our gutters were overflowing, but that my well have had more to do with the fact that the gutters could need cleaning. 

Did I say nothing much happened today, I forgot about the storm.

My lovely other half came home from work today with a brand new pressure washer in tow, so we had fun putting all the bits together on it, next thing will be the fight over who gets to use it first. The patios and drives all need doing, they havn't been done since last summer, and are starting to look a little green around the edges. I know what will happen though, he will get first bragging rights on it, do about two stones on the patio, then get fed up and hand it to me. Dont you just love him..... I dont really mind though, as using a pressure washer is immensly satifying, you can  immediately see where you have been. Beats getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing too.

Wanted to get back into the garden today and finish off what I did on Monday, but due to the wetness out there that was a no-no, slightly annoyed at the weather really as I cant get out there to do anything now until Sunday afternoon at the earliest. The birds have been having a wonderful time grubbing around all the bare earth which has been great fun to watch. In the one part we have a lovely water garden cum rockery, and I had dug a trench all round it intending to fill with gravel, and give it a bit more definition,  I didn't get the gravel in it though, and left the trench empty, and for some reason a couple of blackbirds that live in the garden love to run along it and round the rockery, very funny, a bit like a blackbird grand prix.

Had a bit of an off time earlier, was worried silly what on earth the vicar will think, when I tell him about everything. I then remembered that whatever happens, it is what God wants, and to get over myself,   that helped. It's odd though, sometimes its almost like I dont know myself, a peculiar feeling I can't properly describe. Almost like I am looking at myself from a different perspective, like from outside of myself? Oh that sounds bonkers. I can assure you I am totally not bonkers though... Really...Though I can't make head nor tail of myself at the moment.

I am really loving my prayer time too, never having been comfortable with too much of it, or silence before. Now I almost crave it, and need the time during the day to sort things out, I have to have my little conversations with God, and can't start the day off without it. Something that has helped me greatly with this is the "Book of Common Worship, Daily Prayer" and also the Daily Prayer section on the Church of England website for when I am away from home. Both have been a great help to me, giving some kind of continuity to my prayer, and giving me inspiration for al those other little prayers throughout the day. Another book worth reading is "How to Pray" by John Pritchard, gives lots of examples about how to pray (obviously) and the various methods you can use. It is quite a bit more in depth than I have managed to describe, but there are plenty of reviews on the net for it.

I havn't told my mum yet about everything, well not in so many words anyway. I got her to sign up for Twitter, where I had published my intentions and feelings. She obviously read them, as she commented on one of my posts (not about how I felt). Strange thing is next time we met up, she didn't mention it to me. Perhaps she is still trying to get her head round it. It's not as if I didn't give her any hints though. When I was a child I constantly used to tell her I was going to be a vicar, when she told me that girls couldn't be vicars, I used to say well I'll be a missionary then, like David Livingstone. She would then inform me that girls couldn't do that either. So I told her I would be a nun then. The conversation usually ended there. I dont think she ever really took me seriously

Anyway that's enough for today I think, so night night.

I, at some point in my future, hope to become a Vicar in the Church of England. Right now however, I am trying to take things nice and slowly, going to church and praying etc. 

The title of my blog comes from an experience I had, which I will tell you more about in a minute.
Since I was a child I wanted to become a vicar, I remember when I was about six or seven I asked my mum if I could go to church, this was probably an unusual request from a child whose family weren't in the slightest bit religious, and not surprisingly they weren't exactly up for the idea. 

As we had recently moved house, we were still getting to know our neighbours, on the one side lived Mrs G and her two daughters, she regularly went to a kind of church (Baptist I think, but not sure), and with the church, came a Sunday school, so I asked her and my mum if I could go, and adults being adults, and not wanting to put the others nose out of joint, agreed. This was a very intense kind of church, everyone piled in for the main service then separated out into groups, such as the Sunday school afterwards. There was plenty of people throwing their arms in the air and shouting "praise be to God" and the like, and seemed very much to be into the whole hell and damnation thing too. 

I continued going for a while, but it all got a bit heavy, and I remember having to have one to one talks, with one of the ministers there, who quizzed endlessly about the Bible, and what we should learn from it, the only thing I learnt there though was that if I didn't know the Bible inside out, then I would definitely go to hell. Not the greatest thing to tell a small child.

When I was eight, I joned our local Brownies. They , and the guides and rangers were joined to the local church, and attended each Sunday service. This kind of religion was so different to me, everything was so beautiful, and calming, the music, the building, the smell of the incence, all gave me a love of the Church that has lasted to this day. At this time I remember thinking how much I would love to do what the vicar was doing, unaware at that point that women couldn't become priests in the Church of England. I remember asking the priest about it once, and he asked me if I had had "the call?" I then remember asking him what call, I assumed that he meant a phone call, like the Bishop phoning you up or something like that. I asked him what call, he replied you would know if you had had one. Being only eight years old, I couldn't get my head round it. If I didn't know what he meant by "the call", then how was I supposed to know whether I had had it or not?

Looking back, I think that it was a beginning of a call, the first time that I thought about becoming a vicar. The thought stayed with me all through my childhood, my teen years and into my adult life.

All the time it seemed to get a little stronger, the more time I gave the idea, the more it seemed to make sense, and even though I wanted to do that, felt drawn to it, I carried on my life as if I wasn't. In my mid to late twenties the thought was getting stronger and stronger, I felt a pull, something that I cant really describe in so many words, like someone had reached inside me, wrapped their hand around my heart and was gently leading me, on a journey if you like. I couldn't do anything but try to trust where I would be led, and if I was to resist, then it would probably tear my heart out from me. All of which sounds weird and scary, I suppose it was scary in a way, uncertain as to where I was going. 

Then on a day out with my mum, we visited Liverpool Anglican Cathedral.

Out of nowhere, completely unannounced, utterly surprisingly, something happened. 
To this day, I cannot quite get my head round it entirely. Everything stopped, there was no longer any sound. The Cathedral in which I was stood, was no longer visible. All there was, was golden light, like beautiful sunbeams all around, bright pinpoints of light shone and sparkled in the beams, It was as if evrything that had ever existed, and that ever would exist, was there for those few beautiful moments I felt what eternity, the universe was.
Over under and in all of it though, was Gods utter and complete love and joy. Never have I experienced such love, it was everything, all consuming, eternal, blissful and completely unconditional. 
Then I heard a voice, although I didn't hear it as such, like a thought, but not a thought, and He said what I should be doing. My first thought in all of this wasn't what I would have thought had I been given warning, but rather it was "me, you are kidding, right?" Apparently He wasn't.

Right now you probably think I am a complete and utter nutjob. Believe me, I have thought that about myself from time to time, but I think of everything that God means to me, what He has done for me, so many things I suppose could be called coincidences, but so many of them to make it extremely unlikely, and I look at myself, I am intelligent, and sane in everything else I do, so the only sane conclusion is that, God very much exists, it did happen, and I can take heart in the fact that I am more or less sane (thankfully).

There are many other things that have led me to this point (but I wont bore you with them now). Anyway a few months ago, I had lost track somewhere, I hadn't told anyone in my family, not even my other half how I felt, so I e-mailed a priest whose address I got from the local Dioscese website, and told her everything. Just getting it down into an e-mail helped immensely. She replied with most incredibly sensible advice. I sent a few more e-mails and she replied a few more times. I eventually built up the courage to tell my other half, which was surprisingly difficult. I started going to church regularly again and plan on being confirmed in the near future. Although I havn't mentioned it to the vicar yet (he must think it odd that I dont go up for communion though). And then my other half and I will get married. 

I has been lovely slowly getting to know the faces in the church and the vicar, and I really hope that he will be someone I can talk to about everything in the future.

I have started to pray regularly, and have grown to love the form of prayer in the Morning and Evening prayer from Common Worship from the Church of england. I even do the night prayer occaisionally, as it is a lovely thing to do right before bed.

It hasn't always been easy though. Sometimes it feels like God has left me, usually when I am in a strop about something, and only when I realise what I am doing wrong, or have done wrong, and attempt to put it right, does He return. I feel bereft when it happens, and somtimes it takes me longer than I would really want for me to realise what God is trying to make me see or realise. But when I do, and He returns, It is almost as if I have a better understanding of things, like I have been taught a valuable lesson. That is probably not the best way to describe it, but I cant do any better right now.

Anyway there you have it. I will hopefully be keeping this updated on everything I do from now on, in everything that happens, good and bad. and how I get on with everything. So TTFN.