Right now, I want to blog even need to blog, but I'm sat here staring at the screen with no idea what to write. 

Today. I have not known where to put myself, or what to do one minute to the next. My mind is all over the place trying to think over, a hundred and one things but managing  to achieve nothing. Didn't start the day off too badly, did some washing, which had to be dried inside due to the pouring rain. Then I stopped and thought, and thought some more and carried on thinking till my brain was scrambled. Tried to get in touch with the vicar on the phone, but yet again no-one there. After all the failed attempts at trying to get my details to him, after he requested them, then MLO saying far more than he really should, far too soon anyway, and the total failure to get in touch since, I wonder if perhaps someone is trying to tell me something. With my whole heart, I hope and pray that isn't so, but something feels wrong, and whether it is just that things were said too soon, and made things difficult, or that I have completely and utterly misread a large part of what my life is and has been up to this point, I'm not sure. On the other hand it may be that I am so worried about what the vicar thinks, and the worry that he will come to a conclusion, other than the one I would wish, that I am completely wrapped up in what ifs and worrying myself stupid over them, rather than just seeing what happens.  Still feeling pretty rubbish over the whole thing right now though.  Have tried talking to MLO about it, but I think he is a bit fed up with me mentioning it right now, and if I press him for details of what he said, he wont tell me, and just says to talk to the vicar. Not the most helpful response when I need to talk about how I am feeling. Or perhaps all I really want is for him to say things will be OK,  to put my mind at rest a little. Perhaps.  To be honest, I don't know myself what I want or need, except that I need to work out what is wrong, whether the way I feel is of my own making or otherwise. 

Off to bed now, after a few prayers, calm me down a bit anyway, re center me. So night night. Hopefully I can talk tomorrow with the vicar, you never know, I may be worrying over nothing. 

Au revoir.