Well, here we are, Wednesday again. Although as I type, it is still Tuesday night as far as I am concerned.

We have had a couple of interesting days weather wise here. Monday was lovely up until about ten last night, and the heavens opened. Blimey, I have never seen rain so heavy in all my life. Within half a minute, the water was 3 inches deep outside the front door, it could not drain away fast enough. The gutters were all overflowing, even though they are clean. Mad rain. Then came the thunder and lightning. Pretty spectacular. Very cool when the thunder booms and you can still hear it ages later as it rolls around and echoes off the surrounding hills. The lightning was the sort that lights up the whole sky, the odd thing about it was I was sure I could smell it. Very peculiar indeed. The weather lasted a couple of hours, then faded away into nothing, and Tuesday started off with bright glorious sunshine. That's how the day stayed too, got fairly warm this afternoon, and has started to feel humid, so no doubt we will be getting rain tomorrow.

Had to put the price of petrol up again by four pence per litre. The price now stands at £1.08 per litre for both diesel and unleaded petrol. So, understandably custom was down yet again. as far as I can gather, so my boss informs me anyway,  the so called shortage was actually engineered by the oil companies in this country in order to  push the price up. Rather underhanded if it is true, and even seems slightly illegal to me, but then I know nothing about the laws of this country, so am probably completely wrong, still doesn't seem right though.

Other than the price of fuel not much to tell about work. A couple of our farmer customers stopped by for fuel and a bit of a chat. A lot of the talk was about Dairy Farmers of Britain. Quite a few local farmers were part of the cooperative, and quite apart from the fact that they wont be paid for the milk they produced last month, a lot also had money invested in the company, just four I know of will have lost between them almost half a million pounds. Money that they could not afford to lose. The amount of jobs that are expected to be lost in the company, and also on farms where staff can no longer be paid, is expected to exceed the total job loss at LDV, there will be no government help for the farmers here though. Farmers and farming seem to be last in the list of government priorities.

Vicar rang up yesterday evening, but for some reason my mobile didn't ring just went straight to answerphone, and then didn't inform me until over an hour later, otherwise I could have rung back. I have managed to wheedle out of MLO some more info on what he may or may not have said. Seems he did say something. What do I say to the vicar now? I feel like running for cover and hiding under a pile of rocks about it all. I really wanted to leave it quite a while yet before anything was said, and now it is all wrong. Much too soon. But hey, maybe it is the right time, and I just haven't realised it yet, maybe it's what should happen. I wont know till I call the vicar back, just have no idea what to say?  There I go again, worrying about things that haven't happened yet. I'm pretty good at that lately. If MLO did say what I am now pretty certain he did say, I can't pretend that he was lying, or making it up. Bummer. I actually ended up listening to the answerphone message more than once, to see what I could pick up from the tone of his voice, and attempt to figure out what he was thinking. No use though, I think the only thing I found out, is that he probably doesn't like answerphones.

I Will call back tomorrow, all he said was that, unfortunately his evenings in June were pretty much taken up already, and would like to have a chat with me, left his study number, and said he looked forward to hearing from me soon.  If I can't get through before Sunday, it will be a little awkward in church, I know that. 

Oh what the heck. I could be knocked down by a bus tomorrow, I will just go wherever I am taken.  Forget about worrying, and what people think, I should be out there screaming from the rooftops. That's even how I feel sometimes. 

 I am going to stop now, if I carry on I will tie my brain up in knots. Am off to bed after a couple of games of minesweeper. So night night everyone.

Today has been one of those "everything is wonderful"  kind of days for me, I can't put my finger on why it should be so, but am genuinely enjoying it while it lasts. I know from experience, that For every brilliant day, there will be a day that is a bit of a struggle.
The one thing I cannot understand is why exactly I should feel like it. Today, for me, the future is filled with possibilities, and joy at the prospect of them, but when I feel low, I am terrified that no-one will take me seriously, or tell me I am not good enough to ever dream of becoming a vicar, or even worse tell me that I am imagining it all, and that I am in fact ever so slightly deluded. What worries me even more about that last thought is that perhaps they are right, and that I am in fact deluded, and that everything I have felt, and what I believe God has planned for me, are nothing more than an elaborate and deceiving product of my own imagination, embellished with each passing year, until I really believe it myself. I know in my heart of hearts that that isn't the case, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.
I really need to talk to someone, the vicar would be ideal, just have no idea how to go about bringing the subject up.
Today has also been one of those days when things seem to want to take a further step. Something is pulling me along, but for the last few weeks has been constant and steady, a carry on as you were kind of thing. But today during Church, it was like something hit me in my heart, not in a bad way mind, just a big jolt. I was sure that what the vicar was saying in his sermon was just for me that the words were aimed directly at me, now while I know that wasn't the case it still felt like it. And when he said certain things in his sermon, I would swear he looked straight at me when he said them, almost like he knew how I felt, it felt like he was looking straight through my soul, bizarre and slightly unsettling really, but not in a bad way. At that point what it is that is in me, pulling me along, suddenly went up a gear, right get a move on, you have to do something now. Get involved at the church helping out, anything in fact just get off your complacent a#*e and get moving. It's like butterflies in my stomach but a thousand times stronger, the anticipation of what the future may hold is roaring round my heart. The strangest feeling imaginable, again, not bad though, a pretty amazing and wonderful feeling in fact. Its like I am being expected to do something, I am just not certain what.
I am both perplexed by it all and reassured at the same time, perplexed because it is still all a bit "no way" for me, but reassured that wherever I get led, it will be the right place to be.
Yesterday, as I previously said, I went up to Birmingham to see mum for the day.We had decided (MLO and I that is) whilst on the train that we would pay a visit to Lichfield from Birmingham as it is a lovely little city. Before we went there though we went on a wander of Birmingham once we had met up with my mum. We ended up at the Roman Catholic Cathedral of St Chad. This is a fairly modern (so far as Cathedrals go) building, but inside is so immensely beautiful. When we got there the place was half full of people praying, so we decided it wouldn't be the best idea to go round it taking pictures and doing touristy stuff. So, we stood at the back and just looked from there. The place had a lovely welcoming air about it though which was lovely, as I sometimes find Roman Catholic cathedrals and churches cold and impersonal, but then I suppose it's just me. We went into the bookshop then. Wow tonnes of books in there.
We walked back into town and went to catch the train to Lichfield from there. We took a nice slow leisurely stroll up to the cathedral and had lunch in the cathedral cafe. The food there is always nice, and fairly cheap too. It is in a lovely building across the road from the cathedral, and is full of little rooms here and there, plus a lovely conservatory to sit in and a big garden at the back with lots of tables.
Once we had finished lunch we went into the cathedral itself. There was a choir practising for a concert that night, so on our wander round we were accompanied by heavenly music. MLO and I parted company,
so I continued round with mum. Once we had finished wandering we went in search of MLO so I could show him the pictures I had taken on my phone. Once we found each other we sat down in the pews to listen to the choir and look at the pics. Next thing we knew, an old lady came wandering along the side. In front she was pushing a trolley that was full of icons and crosses. As she went she was talking away, and seemed a happy old soul. The she saw the choir, and the director, and stood up front just to the side of them, and waved her arms about as if she were conducting them, and then started to give them advice on how to sing. At that, several people who were sat in the pews listening like us, started to laugh, which was hardly surprising as it was pretty funny. She then sidled over to the director, and I think she was giving him directions. Anyway the choir started up again, and at that point the old lady gave an enormously big flourishy bow. The choir were trying so hard not to burst out laughing at the eccentric old lady, and everyone in the pews was in hysterics. Brilliant. She then wandered off on her own somewhere.
From the cathedral we went across the road to the cathedral gift shop, inside there was a pretty well stocked bookshop, as well as the other usual gifts. MLO found a little pin badge that he said he was going to get me as it was so sweet. in the middle was a bright yellow smiley face, and round the edge it said "Smile Jesus loves you", which tickled MLO no end, and indeed made us smile. So I put it on my jacket when we left. Back in Brum, MLO made an executive decision, he wanted to catc the 19:20 train back rather than the 21:00. So we went to the loo etc went ant bought a sandwich and water for our tea, and caught the train home. Was a beautiful day weatherwise, and enjoyment wise.
After church this morning we went into Hereford for a stroll along the river. As we got there the bells were ringing out for the end of the 08:00 service, and as we got back from our walk they were ringing for the start of the 10:00 am service. On our walk we saw the new river defence, which was nowhere near as bad as I had imagined it to be. Three very friendly ducks that literally walked right up to me, although the little lady duck was rather henpecked (duckpecked?) with all the feathers missing of the top of her head. Poor thing. Next we were heading up to the castle green, and we saw a squirrel. I made a kiss kiss noise at it and it came running straight up towards us, then leapt into the tree above us, and proceeded to pose for pictures. Cheeky little rodent.
This evening we had a barbecue, the first one this year. It was lovely. Very very enjoyable.
It is now after one o clock in the morning, and I really should be in bed. But MLO had just brought me in a cup of coffee, which I will drink before I go. Up early again tomorrow. I have asked MLO if we can go for another walk as neither of us have work to go to, but I think he has his heart set on going to the Hay Festival, we could do both though if we set off early enough. We could go over Hay Bluff, and by Llanthony Priory for a walk or round there. As the nights are drawing out now the days last longer and we can do a lot more than a couple of months ago , which is great.
Anyhoo. It really is bedtime now, so I will sign off with a wave and a God Bless. Night night.

Well, today started rainy, was dry and sunny in the middle, then rain again, I think it is currently dry. There you have the weather report for east/central Herefordshire. And now for the rest of the news (wrong way round, but see what I did there?).
Was an interminably dull day at work. What happened to all the people out there, because they sure as heck weren't coming into the shop, beamed up by hitherto unknown alien lifeforms? Wiped out in some freak mass extinction? Gone to town shopping? I don't know. Perhaps a couple of those scenarios were a little outlandish, but then again....
I haven't been sleeping all that well lately. Getting to sleep at about 3am and later has been the norm, not great when I need to be up before 7 for work. So, consequently this week I have been going round like a zombie during the day. Bits will start to drop off before long. I reckon my arms will be the first bits to give up. :-) It is my weekend on this weekend, so I really must try my hardest to get some sleep. (not that I haven't been trying already admittedly.
Have absolutely made up my mind now, about the "telling the vicar" thing. This Sunday is the day, I am psyching myself up to say. I have no idea why I should find it so difficult to tell him, after all he was there once himself, and if I should be saying anything to anyone then he's the man. But I am convinced that he will laugh me away, and tell me to go away, or something along those lines.
MLO told me I was being stupid thinking that, and in all probability he will be totally fine about it. He is more than likely right, but it doesn't stop me worrying.
I am a natural born worrier when it comes to what people think of me. Everything else, and I am the most totally laid back person you could ever hope to meet.
Trouble is, what if he doesn't really believe me in what I say, or worse still, think I am somehow trying to take the mickey out of him? Stopped at the first hurdle, I would have to find another church and start the whole getting to know the vicar and others all over again.
MLO's mother is in the breakfast room at present cleaning out one of her cupboards, never have I met anyone who makes such a fuss over getting a simple job done. Sat on the floor surrounded by the former contents of the aforementioned cupboard, she has given up now I think. She wants someone else to put it all away again for her. She can be a real trial sometimes. But there you go, that's how she has always been, so I shouldn't really expect a miraculous personality alteration.
Have been doing a few more of the "What kind of Christian are you" quizzes, some come out sort of where I would expect them to, but some not so near. If I took into account all the main outcomes from the quizzes, I would be classed as: An evangelical, neo orthodox, postmodern emergent Wesleyan Anglican. So make of that what you will, certainly covers a lot of bases. I have listed those more or less in the frequency they turned up in quizzes. But as Anglican was only an option in one of the quizzes, it is at the end, but I am definitely more Anglican than that. Plus, I am not so sure about the evangelical bit either really, having thought about it, I can identify with some of it, but it seems to be at two extremes, one end is so liberal, I don't feel it is really church as such, the other end is so conservative, and rigid, that it seems a little crazy. Unless you stick me firmly in the middle, then perhaps it would be about right. I dont know though.
I think the time has come for me to go to bed and attempt to get some shuteye. So night night all.