Well, today started rainy, was dry and sunny in the middle, then rain again, I think it is currently dry. There you have the weather report for east/central Herefordshire. And now for the rest of the news (wrong way round, but see what I did there?).
Was an interminably dull day at work. What happened to all the people out there, because they sure as heck weren't coming into the shop, beamed up by hitherto unknown alien lifeforms? Wiped out in some freak mass extinction? Gone to town shopping? I don't know. Perhaps a couple of those scenarios were a little outlandish, but then again....
I haven't been sleeping all that well lately. Getting to sleep at about 3am and later has been the norm, not great when I need to be up before 7 for work. So, consequently this week I have been going round like a zombie during the day. Bits will start to drop off before long. I reckon my arms will be the first bits to give up. :-) It is my weekend on this weekend, so I really must try my hardest to get some sleep. (not that I haven't been trying already admittedly.
Have absolutely made up my mind now, about the "telling the vicar" thing. This Sunday is the day, I am psyching myself up to say. I have no idea why I should find it so difficult to tell him, after all he was there once himself, and if I should be saying anything to anyone then he's the man. But I am convinced that he will laugh me away, and tell me to go away, or something along those lines.
MLO told me I was being stupid thinking that, and in all probability he will be totally fine about it. He is more than likely right, but it doesn't stop me worrying.
I am a natural born worrier when it comes to what people think of me. Everything else, and I am the most totally laid back person you could ever hope to meet.
Trouble is, what if he doesn't really believe me in what I say, or worse still, think I am somehow trying to take the mickey out of him? Stopped at the first hurdle, I would have to find another church and start the whole getting to know the vicar and others all over again.
MLO's mother is in the breakfast room at present cleaning out one of her cupboards, never have I met anyone who makes such a fuss over getting a simple job done. Sat on the floor surrounded by the former contents of the aforementioned cupboard, she has given up now I think. She wants someone else to put it all away again for her. She can be a real trial sometimes. But there you go, that's how she has always been, so I shouldn't really expect a miraculous personality alteration.
Have been doing a few more of the "What kind of Christian are you" quizzes, some come out sort of where I would expect them to, but some not so near. If I took into account all the main outcomes from the quizzes, I would be classed as: An evangelical, neo orthodox, postmodern emergent Wesleyan Anglican. So make of that what you will, certainly covers a lot of bases. I have listed those more or less in the frequency they turned up in quizzes. But as Anglican was only an option in one of the quizzes, it is at the end, but I am definitely more Anglican than that. Plus, I am not so sure about the evangelical bit either really, having thought about it, I can identify with some of it, but it seems to be at two extremes, one end is so liberal, I don't feel it is really church as such, the other end is so conservative, and rigid, that it seems a little crazy. Unless you stick me firmly in the middle, then perhaps it would be about right. I dont know though.
I think the time has come for me to go to bed and attempt to get some shuteye. So night night all.

Just as aside, I found a link to a quiz online to say what kind of Christian I am. For some reason I came out first and foremost as an Evangelical Holiness / Wesleyan. Am I really, because I don't think I am

You Scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 86% Neo orthodox 82% Emergent/Postmodern 71% Roman Catholic 71% Classical Liberal 50% Modern Liberal 46% Reformed Evangelical 39% Charismatic/Pentecostal 36% Fundamentalist 32%

There you have it. I may just retake, as I am not sure which questions led the quizzer to come to the conclusion that I think we are all basically damned.

This morning, MLO took me to work, which was awfully nice of him. He then proceeded to stay for the next two and a quarter hours. We ended up having a reaaly good talk about everything.
Previously, whenever I had asked MLO if he was ok about everything, he simply said "Yes, no problems, all ok." Thing was, I wasn't too certain that he really was all ok. I felt that something was niggling at him, but wasn't certain what. I thought that the reason he seemed a lttle bit unsure, was because he really wasn't certain in himself that he agreed that I should follow what I believed I should do. But, it turned out, that he really is A.OK about me doing it, it was just that he had a few little worries about things such as , would we need to move if I ever got to that stage, and what would be expected of him. Seems as though every time I had asked him if everything was OK, he was misunderstanding the way I intended the question. I meant was he OK, he thought I meant was he OK with me, he didn't realise I meant was he OK.
We are all nice and sorted out now, and I can tell a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. From a rather selfish point of view though, I was so relieved when he said that he didn't have any misgivings about me going ahead with things, I was so terrified that he didn't think I should. So, to be honest I am a lot lot happier now that's all sorted out.
The thing with MLO is he is never one to really show his feelings too much, and if you ask him he'll just say "Oh I'm alright" when you know he isn't really, but today he managed to talk about his feelings, worries and thoughts, in a way he has never managed before.
One of our customers came in today looking for computer advice. Not sure why they always come to me about it I'm sure, but I'm honoured that they do. Turns out, he has just had a savings account mature, one that he has had saving for 45 years, I cannot begin to imagine what sort of interest that has gathered, but anyway, with his new found wealth he wanted advice on which would be a good computer for him, a he has never had one before. He had been to PCWorld and to Comet and come up with a couple at the amount he wanted to spend, and also said he had spoken with the staff there. I do not understand why they do what they do there, and tell outright lies, in order to make a sale. They told him he would need at least 500Gb hard drive, 4Gb RAM, full hd screen, Blu-Ray, and a good graphics card, when he told them all he wanted to do was go on the internet. Cheeky buggers they are. They then tried to tell him that if he bought a computer off them, then he absolutely must buy their extended warranty, at £350 for two years. The computer is covered for that length by a manufacturers warranty, how can companies like PCWorld etc get away with it. Scaring customers with tales of woe, to make them feel obliged to buy the warranties?
Anyway, we found a really good one at Mesh computers for him, same price, but far far better.

On the way home tonight we saw an amazing cloud in the sky, after searching around on google, it turns out it was what is known as a cumulonimbus incus, very exciting to see. Other half got a pic on his phone, but unable to upload to my computer, so have another image off the net of one that is practically identical. If I can get the image off his phone, I will put that on aswell.

Well as he promised MLO and I had almost an entire day to ourselves today. A bit of a rare event these days. We started off going into town for a bit of a mooch around. Popped into TKMaxx, nothing much in there. Then we went to Costa coffee for a cuppa (I had tea as usual, and surprisingly for a coffee palce they do lovely tea, Twinings I think). After that we went to look in the Works bookshop (loosely speaking it is), and yet again I managed to find quite a few good books nice and cheap. Bought a lovely book of prayers, the Watkins Dictionary Of Saints, a wonderful book on the life and times of Jesus full of illustrations, photos and maps etc, and finally a lovely big book all about the vatious sacred places around the world in hardback, and the total for all this booklike goodness, fourteen of your English pounds please. Bargain. We then went on to Waterstones for a quick look, but nothing much in there. They did have the SonyReader on display , and would relly rather love one, except for the cost, and having to buy all my books over again in electronic format, which seems a bit of a con if you ask me.

Next we drove up to Dinedor Camp, an Iron Age hill fort just outside of Hereford City . Neither of us had been there before, so were pleasantly surprised at how nice it was up there. The views in all directions are glorious too, right over into Wales and the Brecon Beacons, up to Shropshire and all across beautiful Herefordshire.
Spring had definitely arrived up there too, there were wild violets in flower across the ground like a sweetly scented purple carpet, ladies smock was in flower, there were bluebells in flower too. Lovely woodland. Said to MLO, we will have to come back in the summer and have a picnic up there.
We had a nice leisurely drive back through Dinedor village and Holme Lacy.
After that we both had steak for dinner, I had mine with salad, and he had wis with veggies.
Work again tomorrow, after my long weekend off, but never mind eh. Have said my prayers for this evening, now off to bed to say my night prayers, so night night all.

Not sure what happened today. One minute, peace and quiet, next thing I know the place is full of noise, just like someone switched the family on.
Actually, I obviously do know what happened, my lovely other and his mother returned from their little outing to London, still a bit strange though having all this noise after I had had nothing but peace and quiet. (I am not complaining mind!)
They apparently had a lovely time down in London, visiting the Portobello Road and had a little wander along Kensington High St. They said they couldn't believe the crowds along the Portobello Road, and in all the shops along there too. In the end they gave up because of all the people.
The concert they went to last night, was at the Royal Albert Hall. My lovely others uncle was part of one of the choirs who were singing there. The concert was for the Massed South Wales Male Voice Choirs - I think that's what it was called anyway. Most enjoyable they said it was.
They got seated in one of the Loggia boxes, so were pretty chuffed with that, meaning they could slip in and out without being noticed. Their box was right by the champagne bar, and the loos, I haven't asked whether they managed to sample the delights of either of them yet.
Not sure what I will be doing tomorrow, but my lovely other (henceforth to be known as MLO - saves a bit of typing you see) has said that we will spend the day together doing something. Very exciting. However, going on past form I wouldn't be surprised if we end up spending the day together at home.
Have spent a short time today mooching through Twitter seeing if I can find anyone new and interesting to follow, problem is, that most of the people I follow, and who follow me all seem to be following each other too, so attempting to find someone with a similar interest or interests by seeing who follows my followers is a waste of space as I am probably already following them. I have resorted yet again to putting random words into the search, to see what comes up. Mostly it seems to be news reports linking to a subject, or people retweeting the self same news items, or reports; which can make finding individual posts a bit laborious. But then perhaps I am not searching for the right thing.
I am amazed at myself so far, for keeping at this blog. I was never one for diaries when I was younger getting to about January the 5th before just giving up. I wondered whether it was because of the faith I have now, and what I am aiming for. Perhaps my faith has given me patience, and stick ability (I can't think of the right word, right now). Since I originally decided to follow what I felt I should be doing, even MLO has commented on the fact that I have become a changed person (coming from someone who never seems to notice anything) he said I am far more patient, that I appear to be more tolerant of people (not that I was ever particularly intolerant), much calmer, he said I was at peace with myself. I suppose I am.
I was a pretty restless kind of person, always feeling like something was missing, when I made the decision to tell someone that I felt I had a calling, as soon as it was written down in an e-mail, I felt an enormous weight was lifted, I find it hard to describe really exactly how much of a relief it felt. I then thought about my life so far, which had been pretty varied, and everything I had done and all the opportunities that I had had, and realised that they all led from one to another to the point I was at there and then. Iknow that most people would say that their lives were the same, but mine seemed to link very specifically, a bit odd really.
I wont attempt to tell my entire life story here, but I remember certain things from when I was younger very vividly, and am certain that these events had a quite large bearing on where I am now
If it wasn't for one thing I wouldn't have done another, everything led to everything else. All I had done in my life seemed to serve a purpose, to make me grow I suppose. I never really had to try either. The day I chose to join a church when I was younger, I found out my neighbours went to a kind of church each Sunday, so I started going with them.
When I got a little fed up with their type of worship (hell and damnation) and wanted to change, my friend asked me to go to Brownies with her, they were linked to a church, and went to the Sunday morning service, and so I fell in love with traditional Church of England.
Several years later, I decide to leave home, things had become very strained between my mum and I. All through my later years at school ,I had enjoyed doing outdoor stuff like the Duke of Edinburgh Award, which took us around the country camping and walking. At this time I told everyone I would live in the country. They laughed. Coming from someone in the inner city, this seemed highly unlikely. One one trip we were staying at Capel Curig, the day before we climbed Snowdon and a shepherd was rounding up his sheep. Out of nowhere I said "Thats what I am going to do", much to the amusement of my friends. Anyway, that night I decided to look in the Birmingham Evening Mail for jobs, there never seemed to be anything different, but the second I opened to the jobs pages there was a job advertised on a farm in Herefordshire. It was exactly what I wanted, so I applied, went for an interview, and got the job.
That brought me to Herefordshire. Two years on, and I feel it is time to move on again, not sure why, just restless feet I guess. I had been going for drinks with someone (just friends) for a while one night we went to the local, and he realised he couldn't get me home, so asked the barman to take me. Turns out the barman was our neighbour on the next farm (not entirely sure why we hadn't met before), and he agreed to take me home. That night we talked for hours and decided we rather liked eachother. We didn't spend a day apart for the next six months. I eventually moved onto his farm. At this time I started to think about getting a job lambing to get a bit of extra money before our own sheep lambed. Then I got a phonecall from a farmer near Porthcawl in Wales, asking me to go and lamb for him for two weeks. This flummoxed me slightly, and I asked him where he got my details from ,but he wouldn't say. Well I went there, and he had 600 pedigree texels, a much more muscular and strong sheep to the one I usually handled, so they needed different handling. I worked there for the 2 weeks and left with him asking me to return the next year.
Back home and one of MLOs mothers friends had got himself some pedigree texels and asked me to help him look after them. The following year coming up to lambing time he decided to keep them at a friend of his' farm as it had much nicer sheds. As a result of this his friend asked me if I wanted a job on his farm being shepherd to all his sheep too. Well how could I turn the offer down. So I stayed there for two years. Eventually it got to the point where he could no longer afford someone working there anymore, so I left.
That afternoon, as we were drivimg home, we passed a garage, so I asked if we could stop for a drink. We did, and on the door was an advert for a job there. I apllied and started the very next day. I am still there now.
The way I look at it is this, when I left home the job I got helped me to have some distance away from my mother and helped us sort out a few things.
When I met MLO he helped me to love again, as I was pretty cold at that point.
Getting that job as shepherd, taught me to be just that, a shepherd, looking after all the animals whose life, literally depends on you, taught me that I had to put others needs before my own, to serve I suppose.
Getting the job at the garage helped me to better connect with people, working on the farms had kept me away from being around people, and I had got a bit to fond of being on my own and doing things my way, and not having to worry about other people too much.
At the garage I get people who regularly come in just for a chat , or advice on something, which makes me feel quite humbled that they would come to me for what they want or need.
And finally, the first e-mail I sent, I had no real idea who it was I was sending it to, just a random address picked from a list almost, turned out to be probably the best person I could have sent it to. Gave me tons of the most wonderful advice including a church which I might like to start going to. Her choice was wonderful, and I feel so at home there now.

Today, is the second day that I have all to myself.
With my lovely other and his mother being away in London. I got thinking earlier though, that while, for me, having this time alone is a luxury, something to be savoured, as it doesn't happen very often, there are countless millions in this country and across the world, who have no-one to talk to for days on end, who long for a simple conversation, for company, or for someone to just hold them. I know that I have enjoyed this time all the more, because I know that the people I love will return tomorrow night, there is a certainty in this, a knowledge that this time alone will only be short lived, and so I can enjoy the luxury of it while it lasts. How different would I feel, if being left alone, I had no idea when I would see my family again, nothing to look forward to, never knowing when they would return, at what point would I lose any belief in seeing them again at all, and just give up hoping. I cannot begin to imagine how unhappy an existence that must be.

Then I thought, that for the most part, there is no need for a lot of these people to be lonely, to be unhappy this way. Most of us know someone who lives alone, and probably never has many visitors, either on the street we live, in our village, or even in hospitals or old peoples homes. To take a small amount of our time to visit them or even phone them up, maybe nothing much to us, but something that could mean the earth to them.
Having a faith in God, means that you know that you are never truly alone, but that knowledge may no longer mean much to someone who craves the company of another human. We are social animals after all.
Being a Christian, means that we should never knowingly ignore the plight of someone, whether they are lonely, hungry or otherwise. These people may themselves be Christian, or have faith in other religions, but due to their circumstances are losing their faith in God, and also in humanity in general. How lovely would it be to not only restore their faith in people and humanity, but to help them re-find their faith in God.
After that, there is nothing really to report on today, it passed without incident. The phone didn't even ring which was rather miraculous, as it usually never stops. Had better go now, as I really ought to get to bed, so goodnight all.

Well, I said goodbye to my lovely other and his mother this morning, at just after 8. The sun was shining, it was warm and the day could not have started out any better. Don't get me wrong I love the pair of them really, just wonderful to do my own thing for once without interruption or distraction.
I set to by getting several loads of washing done, so the kitchen, breakfast room and utility now smell like a chinese laundry, nice though. I even managed to get all of it dried on the line outside in no time at all, so was very glad about that.
Have turned the one room into the house into my "quiet space" for the duration, curtains are drawn, the candles are lit, and I found some myrrh oil that I bought a few months ago, and had a go at burning a little bit of it. Lovely smell, but heck is that stuff volatile, burns like mad for a few seconds then whoosh, gone. Must admit, I really rather like the smell of it. I must remember to shut the door however, as it produces quite a bit of smoke, and I really do not want to set off the smoke alarm.
Living in the country certainly has its benefits, absolute quiet after a certain time is definitely one of them. It is so quiet here right now I can hear my own heartbeat, and the silence seems to be whistling?? Not sure what thats about but it is most enjoyable.(Bizarrely enough).
One downer on the day though is my laptop seems to giving up on me. The screen started flickering and then slowly turned completely white, I think there must be a faulty connection somewhere, either that or the graphics card is failing, I hope that it is just a loose connection but I doubt that. Will look it up in a a bit and see what google can come up with, but whatever it is, I doubt it will be cheap.
Still, I still have my desktop, so it could be much much worse.
Something I found today was how much deeper and intense my prayers felt, Whether it was simply down to the quiet, or whether I was calmer in myself, I'm not certain, I will have a bit of a think about that when I say my night prayers shortly.
Started to re read "How To Pray" by John Pritchard today, have only got through the first few pages, but it seems that I am able to read it properly this time round, last time I only really skimmed through it, but now I am taking the time to really take in what he says, and also attempting to truthfully answer the questions that he poses every so often.
I think I had better go now, otherwise my night prayers will be into tomorrow. Will post again tomorrow all being well, so night night all.

Well, tomorrow equals three entire days free from noise,people and distractions. Never for one minute did I ever think that I would look forward to being on my own for any length of time, always needing someone to be there when I needed someone to be there. Now since I have been trying to discern my path in life, I really appreciate the quiet times that I have. These quiet times however, are unfortunately few and far between.
So, I intend to make the most of this weekend, and am going to treat it as if I were on a retreat, but at home. As long as no-one calls I wont have to talk, but rather spend time reading, praying, listening to beautiful music at times and contemplating at others. Ooh, I am really looking forward to it.
Today at work was exceedingly quiet, nothing of note happened. Paddy turned up as per usual. and also moaned as per usual. This time about the budget. C**p was all he said about it. The man doesn't realise how lucky he is.
A strange thing happened on the way home tonight. In the sky, both my other half and I saw a small plane with a smoke trail, and six or more parachutists coming down from it, we drove on a few yards along the road, looked over and they had literally disappeared fom out of the sky. No idea where they went, none whatsoever.
Bit of a mystery really.
Anyway, I really have nothing more to say right now so I will go. Will probably blog tomorrow at some point, but not sure what I will write about, as I dont plan on doing anything particularly noteworthy.
Night night.

I was reading earlier, that according to a poll 3 out of every 10 people attend regular Sunday worship at a church, with almost half saying they attend a Christmas service of some sort.. Without sounding too derisive (I hope) who did they poll? Did they poll people as they were leaving church, or did they poll them on a midweek morning, when people were too busy to take any real notice of what they were being asked?
Up until a few months ago, I was one of the people who called themselves a churchgoer, even though I wasn't really. Maybe visiting a church to look at the building, or the stained glass, but never actually attending a nuts and bolts service. If someone had asked me whether I was a Christian, I would have answered them "of course I am" without ever really considering what exactly it meant to "be a Christian", likewise if they had asked if I attended church, I would have answered yes, simply because I had, once, and knew that I should do so again, so therefore that counted. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of other people were the same. The other point about it is, if 30% of people really attend regular worship on a Sunday, where are they hiding? Behind the organ, loitering in the vestry, hanging out in the bell tower? I know this probably sounds as if I am being a little holier than thou, given my recent lack of churchgoing, but why do they publish figures, that for the most part, anyone can see are a load of nonsense. Imagine the local church, if a third of the entire parish turned up of a Sunday morning, in some parishes that would mean thousands, or at least hundreds. Not the tens (if the church is lucky) that usually show up. Why do they continue to hide the fact that churches are failing to attract large congregations?
By telling British people "dont worry, the Church is doing all right thanks, in fact we're thriving in some places", all it acheives is to send out the message "if you don't come to Church, dont worry there are plenty that do". Entirely the wrong thing to say. The Church should be doing all it can to encourage more people into Church, let everyone know that churches aren't doing all that well, have different types of service to encourage different people. Have activities that are open to large numbers of people, but most of all, let them see what the church is like, and what being a Christian is like. Let them see it isn't all hell and damnation, fire and brimstone, you don't have to live like a saint, and you can have fun.
Just spread the word, even if it doesn't conform to some Victorians prim and proper idea of Christianity, so long as it gets people involved in the Church community, and however it manages to do it, it is a success.
People want things lively, they want to be entertained, and even to learn something. What they dont want is to be told how bad they are, be bored to tears, and spoken down to. People like me want to know what we can do to make things better, for ourselves and other people.
Back to today.
Well, what can I say about today then? As I have had a day off work, it has been a nice quiet day at home.
On Sunday as we left church the one lady (I really dont know her name) handed us the annual report for the parish, to read through. It was quite interesting reading about all the people who help the parish keep going, aswell as the vicar. As I read it I tried to put the names to the faces that I see each week in church, I think I have figured out a couple of them, but certainly not all of them.
When I was reading, and seeing all the people who contribute both time and money to the church, I began to wonder if I could ever fit in there (to be honest I have wondered for a couple of weeks now). I originally thought (well, hoped) that I could slowly get involved with the church, and get to know the people there, and hopefully have them affirm what I have felt, and what I believe. But looking at the list of people there, everyone seems to have their place, and everything seems nicely sewn up, and also leaves me wondering whether it is the right place for me to be at this time.
I know that that probably seems a little melodramatic, and perhaps even over the top, but it is a feeling that is in me, and one that I cant seem to shake. This has left me feeling quite sad, as I had got to like the church and the people we saw each week.
Having re-read what I have just put down, it does seem a little over the top, but it is a feeling that I have in my gut. I will continue going for a few more weeks, to see how I feel about it then, but I'm not entirely sure my feelings will change. I sincerely hope they do though.
On a lighter note now. I am officially on the t'internet. I have a domain name all of my own, and hosting to take care of me too. Only problem is, I have no idea what to put on a website. I may just take the easy way out and link this blog to it.
One thing I would love to do though is to create a website listing all of Herefordshires churches, along with images and history of them. Somehow though, I think it is a little too ambitious a project for me to undertake, being as I only know the basics of putting together a website, having forgotten most of what I learnt on a course I did.
But, you never know.. so watch this space......as they say.

In prayer last night, I had one of those moments when you know God is there, right by you. It is a wonderful experience, and something that increases my trust and faith in Him. To feel God so close, to know He is there by your side, that He cares about you so much, to be there whenever you may need him to be, is so intensely comforting and wonderful. If ever anything gets into my mind that may make me lose some of the faith I have in Him, it is moments like this that put my heart and mind at rest, and allow me to trust in Him fully again.
Back to this morning now, and it is a glorious day so far. The sun is out, the birds are singing and everyone seems happy. One of those days when you feel anything is possible.
It is lunchtime now, will have a chicken sandwich I think. Am busy waiting for the other girl who works here on my days off, to come back from shopping, so I can sort all that stuff out. You can guarantee that if I get stuck into lunch now she will return while I am in the middle of it.
I think I will attempt to convince the other half to come along with me to church in the morning. Realised with him being away this weekend, as I cant drive, I have no way to get to church on Sunday. I cant really walk either as it is about 5 miles along busy country roads each way. So not practical. My bicycle is beyond repair, so that is out of the question. Oh what is a girl to do. I havnt been going long enough to know anyone well enough to ask for a lift either. There is no public transport, and a local taxi will cost at least £20 each way. Really they do. A taxi good from work the last time I needed one, for a seven minute journey cost me £15 for the one way midweek.
I think I had better get back to work for a bit now. I spend far too long on the net when I should be working. Ttfn.

I have had a really lovely enjoyable day today, mostly spent outside in the garden. Got almost all of the pressure washing done along the drives, just the patio that Needs to be done now. I think I will let my dearest other half do that. In the process of doing the drive, as it is all brick, the dirt between them kept spraying up all over me, I ended up looking like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. By the time I was finished I was soaked from head to toe. I'm sure that there is a cleaner way of doing it, but I havn't found it yet.
As the sun was so warm and shining so brightly the drive dried nice and quickly, so very satisfying doing the job as the results were almost immediately obvious.
Dug around the front garden borders today too, as my lovely other half decided to mow the lawns, I thought if I did the borders he could mow up to the edge nice and tidily. When he did the back lawns, he went round where I had dug last Monday, so it all looks nice and tidy now. Much better.
Other half and his mum are getting excited, as they are off to London on Friday. His one Uncle is singing at the Royal Albert Hall on Saturday, part of the Thousand Voices concert, where male voice choirs from across Wales get together and sing for their adoring fans. I suspect that most of the paying fans will be family members etc, but I may be wrong.
He is trying to convince his mother on the merits of the London Underground, but so far she remains unconvinced and will only entertain the idea of travelling by bus. She doesn't realise that you absolutely have to travel by tube when in London, it's the done thing dont you know.
Back to work tomorrow, after my weekend off, but I only have to work Till Thursday this week, I will be off Friday and the following Saturday and Sunday plus Monday too.
As My lovely other and his mother will be in the big smoke for the three days, I intend to turn the house into a haven of calm, tranquility and peace for the duration. No telly, radio or noise, just lovely peaceful music and quiet for me. It will be like a retreat but at home. I can't wait, really I cant. A whole three days of it. I will be reading, praying and contemplating. Another great thing about it is, without any noise in the house, I should be able to get a decent nights sleep for once. Bliss.
Forgot to mention that I had spent the day in Hereford on Saturday with Mother Dearest, a very leisurely day it was too. Mainly tea breaks briefly interspersed with a bit of shopping. Had a lovely lunch at Cafe @ All Saints. Smoked salmon as usual, mum had celeriac and shropshire blue cheese quiche. I tried a bit, it was rather delicious.
Anyway it is most definitely time for bed now, so night night all.

A lovely service at church this morning. Everyone there was in a wonderful mood, the peace went on for ages while everyone wandered round everyone else, the vicar managed to get to everyone too.
Interesting sermon, about "doubting Thomas" and the comparison he drew with the doubting Thomases in society today. The people who really would like to come to church, and those who need to come to church, for the support that it gives, are scared away, and doubt the good it will do them. Often they are scared by the institutionalism in the Church today. He said that as Church goers, as Disciples of Christ, we need to be the Church and live the Church, in everything we do, show people how lovely it is, and can be, and in showing them how we live and act towards all people, it should help to take away their doubts and encourage them to be a part of it.
Too many Christians like to tell others they are Christians, but they dont like to show how they are living as one. If we all show the love and charity that the first Christians were known for, and begin to spreads Gods love, then the world could begin to be a better place altogether, but we need to lead by example.
When we came back from church the F1 was on, didn't manage to catch all of it, but was great to see Redbull take 1st and 2nd places, makes a nice change to see different faces on the podium.
After that had finished the future Mother in Law decided that she wanted to go to Gloucester for a short visit, so we all piled into the back of her car and set off. Spent most of the time in Marks and Spencer, with a little time in Debenhams. Also paid a visit to the Homeware department of TKMaxx, at the old cattle market. Bought a lovely lampshade and a brilliant pair of hand shears.
Remembered when we sold the farm bringing some of the last of the old ewes here to sell, there was one ewe who quite a big animal, good and meaty, though she was barren, when the auctioneer came round to start selling our pens of animals, two men there rather fancied this sheep of ours and started bidding against each other without the help of the auctioneer. Think we made a record price for a cull ewe that day.
Back home now, and it is a glorious day in the sunshine. Just wondering whether to whip the pressure washer out and have a blast along the drives or not, or whether it is a little bit late for it.
Oh well almost time for dinner now, the other half is watching Man U and Everton on the telly, and the garden is calling so I will go for now. May post again later.

Today was incredibly wet and dull until about 6:00pm, when the sun came out. Just in time for me to go home and just in time for the weekend. Wonderful. Will be spending tomorrow in Hereford with my mum, so rather glad that the sun decided to come out.
Today was really quite uneventful, really nothing much happened at all.
Customers came and went, came and went, then came and went some more. Must have been the weather. Paddy the old bugger turned up again, moaned about his back, moaned about the weather, moaned about the people who live by him, and then moaned about how much everbody else moans....typical Paddy.
Got a few more followers on Twitter, followed a few more myself. I have found an amusing passtime in Twitter though, putting random words into the search and seeing what comes up, quite amusing at times.
Anyway, have to go and have a shower before I go to bed so should be getting on with that I suppose. So, night night. See you tomorrow.

Really, nothing much at all happened, so I dont know what to tell you. The weather wasn't anything to write home about for most of the day, a little bit wet this morning, and cloudy for the rest of the day. Then at about 7:00pm we had the most tremendous thunderstorm, the sky was black, lightning flying across the sky, and lterally nonstop thunder, each rumble running into the next so a wall of sound for at least a quarter of an hour. Then came the rain; stairrods would be a good description, closely followed by some pretty crazy hail, the lawn was white for a time afterwards. All our gutters were overflowing, but that my well have had more to do with the fact that the gutters could need cleaning. 

Did I say nothing much happened today, I forgot about the storm.

My lovely other half came home from work today with a brand new pressure washer in tow, so we had fun putting all the bits together on it, next thing will be the fight over who gets to use it first. The patios and drives all need doing, they havn't been done since last summer, and are starting to look a little green around the edges. I know what will happen though, he will get first bragging rights on it, do about two stones on the patio, then get fed up and hand it to me. Dont you just love him..... I dont really mind though, as using a pressure washer is immensly satifying, you can  immediately see where you have been. Beats getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing too.

Wanted to get back into the garden today and finish off what I did on Monday, but due to the wetness out there that was a no-no, slightly annoyed at the weather really as I cant get out there to do anything now until Sunday afternoon at the earliest. The birds have been having a wonderful time grubbing around all the bare earth which has been great fun to watch. In the one part we have a lovely water garden cum rockery, and I had dug a trench all round it intending to fill with gravel, and give it a bit more definition,  I didn't get the gravel in it though, and left the trench empty, and for some reason a couple of blackbirds that live in the garden love to run along it and round the rockery, very funny, a bit like a blackbird grand prix.

Had a bit of an off time earlier, was worried silly what on earth the vicar will think, when I tell him about everything. I then remembered that whatever happens, it is what God wants, and to get over myself,   that helped. It's odd though, sometimes its almost like I dont know myself, a peculiar feeling I can't properly describe. Almost like I am looking at myself from a different perspective, like from outside of myself? Oh that sounds bonkers. I can assure you I am totally not bonkers though... Really...Though I can't make head nor tail of myself at the moment.

I am really loving my prayer time too, never having been comfortable with too much of it, or silence before. Now I almost crave it, and need the time during the day to sort things out, I have to have my little conversations with God, and can't start the day off without it. Something that has helped me greatly with this is the "Book of Common Worship, Daily Prayer" and also the Daily Prayer section on the Church of England website for when I am away from home. Both have been a great help to me, giving some kind of continuity to my prayer, and giving me inspiration for al those other little prayers throughout the day. Another book worth reading is "How to Pray" by John Pritchard, gives lots of examples about how to pray (obviously) and the various methods you can use. It is quite a bit more in depth than I have managed to describe, but there are plenty of reviews on the net for it.

I havn't told my mum yet about everything, well not in so many words anyway. I got her to sign up for Twitter, where I had published my intentions and feelings. She obviously read them, as she commented on one of my posts (not about how I felt). Strange thing is next time we met up, she didn't mention it to me. Perhaps she is still trying to get her head round it. It's not as if I didn't give her any hints though. When I was a child I constantly used to tell her I was going to be a vicar, when she told me that girls couldn't be vicars, I used to say well I'll be a missionary then, like David Livingstone. She would then inform me that girls couldn't do that either. So I told her I would be a nun then. The conversation usually ended there. I dont think she ever really took me seriously

Anyway that's enough for today I think, so night night.

Well, nothing much happened to day at work, very very quiet indeed. Plenty of time to think thing over in my head though.
Am watching Chelsea play Liverpool on the telly, cheesed off at the fact that Chelsea are currently winning. Booo. Liverpool Liverpool Liverpool.......come on you reds...
I doubt that will work though somehow..
Decided to be frugal tonight and had some baked beans in a bowl for tea, actually mainly due to the fact that I was just too bone idle to do anything any more complicated than that.
Decided that I would have light reading day today, nothing too educational, so have been reading one of my favourite authors the wonderful Phil Rickman, The fabric of sin. I borrowed it from our local library, I already have all his books, but most of them are signed, and still all stiff and new, and I hate it when books dont look all new, so borrowing from the library is perfect.
I advise anyone to give his books a go, they aren't exactly literary masterpieces, but are very enjoyable nonetheless. Plus an added bonus, is living in Herefordshire, almost all the places are known to me which is pretty darn cool, knowing that someone thinks so much of this county that he writes about it in his books. The later ones of his are about a priest Merrily Watkins, who takes over a church in Ledwarine, and all the strange things that happen to her and her daughter Jane. Meets a messed up musician, who has split up with his wife, falls in love with him, etc etc, ooh almost forgot, she is a bit of a modern day exorcist, or more correctly a deliverance consultant, so that takes her to some interesting places. His earlier books like The Man in the Moss, are equally good, but more standalone than a series as such.
Chelsea have just scored two more.. insert suitable expletive here..
Bummer.
Have a day off again tomorrow, so all being well, will be in the garden again (if the rain holds off that is). Anyway ttfn, cant think of anything more to say right now..

Sorry if you find the last post all a bit schmaltzy, I can't help it, its just the way I'm feeling right now. If you like it, then thats great.

I look into the light,
to see what lies beyond.
For answers to my longing.
The ache within my soul.
Night turns to day,
but back to night again.
Your joy is ever present
but also is your pain.
I cry within for answers
but they're already known.
The moment that I knew you,
the seeds of love were sown
To trust in you is all that i can do.
No options left to decide, what it is that I should do.

To serve you lord,
serve all of man.
Is my souls deepest longing,
I'll do it if I can.
But how can I prove it,
what shall i say?
Who do I go to?
Do I do it today?
To live a single day on earth,
as your lovely son would ask.
Is all I can aspire to.
Such a gloroious, perfect task.

Tears pour down my face.
Is it that Im sad?
Perhaps tears of joy,
I could be going mad.
I really need to talk,
but I've said all that I can say.
So I'll say it without words.
Get on my knees and pray.

Life each day,
with you there by my side.
You guard me and guide me
I have nowhere to hide.
If I ran,
You'd find me there.
But how could I ever leave,
A love so true and fair.

Have had a thoroughly wonderful day working in the garden today. The sun has been shining and was gloriously warm. The birds were singing their hearts out too. Finally got round to digging the edges for all the borders in the garden, so lots of beautifully rounded and straight edges everywhere. Nice to see a few inches of bare earth in front of the plants too. Wont be there for long though when they get growing in the next few weeks. Amazed at how overgrown the borders seem to get each year.
Managed to get a lovely set of blisters across my palms, and wondering whether I should leave them alone or burst them, perhaps I should leave them alone.
Well today I have been completely and utterly happy all day long, full of the joys of spring I suppose you could say. Have been in love with everything today oh God is great, just thought I would let you know. Am in a completely optimistic mood today, compared with yesterday, when everything was a bit doom and gloom. I was convinced I would be rejected at every turn, yet today, whatever God has in store, is fine, wonderful, marvelous and great. Have been grinning like a loon most of the day.
Listening to Classic FM and the top 10 currently at number four, with Beethoven. Definitely not one of my favourite composers. Waiting to see if number 3 is an improvement.
I managed to miss the moto gp, so not entirely happy about that. Especially when I found out that Stoner had won, and Rossi "Vale Vale Vale", sorry chant over, had only come second. I really dont like Stoner, he needs to lighten up a touch.
Have decided, I will absolutely, no messing have a word with the Vicar either this coming Sunday, or if I cant corner him there, I will phone up his office. So there. Thats telling you. I wonder how many of the Easter crowd will be in Church this time round, be great if they all turn up, but I doubt it.
Classic FM update. Number 3 is far better, one I love, just cant think of the name of it now. My mind has gone blank. Buggrit. Will think of it in a minute.
Had some lovely fresh macaroni cheese for lunch (homemade of course). Always goes down a treat. For tea, had a beef and mustard sandwich with some of the beef that was left over from lunch yesterday, promptly followed by a lovely cup of coffee. Delicious. Ooh, I forgot, had some homemade sherry trifle that was left from yesterday too, equally delicious.
Have just realised, I dont have any clean clothes for work in the morning, I got completely carried away in the garden and forgot about washing clothes. Buggrit for the second time.
Ah Vaughan Williams, and Fantasia on a theme by Thomas Tallis. That was it. Number two is Rachmaninov and piano concerto no2 in C minor. Another utterly beautiful piece of music. All thats left to find out is who or what is number 1. Place your bets now.
Vaughan Williams, The lark ascending was number 1 again. Totally agree. Beautiful.
Oh well thats enough for today, all is good in the world, have just had evening prayer, a bit late really, but I feel better and calmer, so good there will say night prayer when I go to bed, whatever time that will be.
Farewell for today.

Christ is risen. ALLELUIA. ALLELUIA. ALLELUIA.

Well, it is Easter day, so Happy Easter to you all. If anyone reads this that is. Anyway, we went to the Easter Vigil last night, the first time the Church we go to had done it, it went very well, and was a really lovely service. Candles lit from the paschal candle flickering in the church with no other light was immensely beautiful. We had a wonderful long silence in the beginning, but I think a few people got a bit uncomfortable with it being so long, especially the other half, he said he cannot stand there being no noise, and doesnt know what to do with himself when it is quiet.
We were also treated to the use of incense, which was very welcome as I lurve the smell of it, I am also pretty sure it can make you slightly high, but have no proof of that, It just makes you feel lovely and mellow. The choir was brought out from wherever it had been hiding too.
The readings were well read, apart from one woman who was a little nervous and a lot of what she said was mumbled, which made understanding her quite difficult at times, but nevermind.
When it came to renewing Baptismal vows, as I am not Baptised yet, I had to duck out, but as I was absolutely deperate for the loo at the time, that was rather convenient, another lady decided to join me so didnt feel too bad about leaving the church at that point. Wasnt too long and came back just in time for The Peace.
As it was a pretty special service, I also ducked out from going up for a blessing, as I felt it would disrupt things a little, so stayed sat down.
Two or so hours later and it was all over (the service that is) , Christ had risen and all were joyful, except for a few of the older generation who were there, who glared at us as they were leaving, perhaps they resented us having the audacity and front to come to "Their" church, not sure what their beef was, and as they chose not to talk to us, I doubt we'll find out either. But there you go, I think people like that are the reason that a lot of churches in this country are dying. It takes a lot of courage for some people to get up and go to a church, and to then be greeted with that kind of attitude, is a really big shame, and quite likely to deter even the most commited souls from returning there. That is probably also why the bigger more modern type of church is doing well, everyone is accepted, and for the most part people are welcoming, plus the fact that the music is more relevant to most people today, with that, the more traditional church, combined with the possible bad attitude of some of its congregation (although obviously not all churches), doesnt really stand a chance. Such a shame.
Anyway, as I was having to work this morning (dont ask), I couldnt get to the morning service, luckily for me though is the fact that there is always a 6:00pm service at the Vicars other church too, so went to that one.
The church was rather busier that it usually is, and a few young children about the place, so nice and lively (and noisy). Had the candle lighting at the beginning of the service, so church all in darkness (sort of anyway as it was still light outside). The first part of the the service was then by candlelight which again was rather lovely, much more intimate and involving. A wonderful choice of singable hymns, finishing off with "Thine be the Glory" what more rousing conclusion to a service could there be than that. Love it. Brilliant.
Cant get my head round the Vicar though, as he processed to the back of the church with the Paschal candle, he gave a lovely big smile to us, but when we were going, he seemed upset with us, I know that I am probably reading too much into it, but he only seems to have three moods for when he is meeting and greeting the congregation, absolute joy, bemusement or downright annoyed, never can tell which mood you will get. But as I said, I am probably too sensetive for my own good and am always convinced people will think the worst of me, so thats probably it.
I was planning to corner him today for a chat about being Baptised and Confirmed, but even though we did hang around a bit after the service had ended, there was still lots of people there, so decided against it. Will try to catch him at the next service. Hopefully anyway.
It is getting to the point where I have to tell him about why I want to be Baptised and Confirmed, it is a need that is pulling and tearing at me to do it, I cannot explain any better than that, almost a desperation to do something about it, an ache and a longing, a need. I cannot imagine ever doing anything else now it fills me up completely, it is pulling out from me in every direction at once and pulling in towards me at the same time.
My problem is though, that I constantly worry what other people think about me, so i am so so worried that the Vicar will think I am a tit.
I have a mother in law (future anyway) who is the most judgemental, selfish and vindictive person I have ever encountered too, so consequently I have not told her a thing about how I feel, and am pretty certain about what her reaction will be, not good.
I can do nothing to please her. I do everything she asks and more, but it is never ever enough. She just doesnt like the fact that I am with her son you would have thought that 13 1/2 years later she would have got used to it, but no. I am blanked out from everything in her life, and some of my dearest others too. but there we are, enough moaning for today.
I shouldnt moan I know, its just so much to get my head round, Half the time I want to shout out how wonderful it all is, and the other half, I am constantly questioning whether I'll be able to do it, or what everyone else will think.
AAAARRRRGHHHHHH. Thats all I have to say on that right now.
Night night.

I am at work again, and yet again there are no customers. Where is everyone? Have they all gone on holiday?
The weather isnt anything wonderful today, wet and with a nasty cold wind. Far removed from yesterday which was absolutely gorgeous.
We went into town yesterday as I had to go to the library and return a few books. I had fully intended to go to church for the morning service, when we got there we looked into the church, and instead of being in the usual place, there was a posse of lilac rinsers all sat up in the choir stalls glaring about the place. So I am afraid we chickened out of it. Didnt fancy seeing someone looking across at me or wondering who we were and what we were doing there all the time. These old ladies did look rather militant, perhaps they thought we would take their share of cakes coffee and biscuits after the service. So we went into town and then to the cathedral where we sat in the lady chapel and had half an hour of quiet and prayers instead. Which was lovely . What was quite amusing though was whenever a visitor or tourist came along they would be talking and happy, then when they saw us they went all quiet and started creeping around us. Sweet but still amusing. Not sure whether we looked particularly reverential or what.
Have been trying to re arrange my working days this week for later on this month. The other halfs uncle is singing down at the Royal Albert Hall on the 25th of this month. So a stay down there is required for him and his mum and I am the lucky so and so who gets to stay behind and look after the house. Oh well, will go to London to stop for a few days in the near future I guess. Anyway, it should be my weekend to work so need to swap.
I think I will have my lunch soon, being as it is lunchtime that would be a sensible option I suppose. Max sort again later.

I, at some point in my future, hope to become a Vicar in the Church of England. Right now however, I am trying to take things nice and slowly, going to church and praying etc. 

The title of my blog comes from an experience I had, which I will tell you more about in a minute.
Since I was a child I wanted to become a vicar, I remember when I was about six or seven I asked my mum if I could go to church, this was probably an unusual request from a child whose family weren't in the slightest bit religious, and not surprisingly they weren't exactly up for the idea. 

As we had recently moved house, we were still getting to know our neighbours, on the one side lived Mrs G and her two daughters, she regularly went to a kind of church (Baptist I think, but not sure), and with the church, came a Sunday school, so I asked her and my mum if I could go, and adults being adults, and not wanting to put the others nose out of joint, agreed. This was a very intense kind of church, everyone piled in for the main service then separated out into groups, such as the Sunday school afterwards. There was plenty of people throwing their arms in the air and shouting "praise be to God" and the like, and seemed very much to be into the whole hell and damnation thing too. 

I continued going for a while, but it all got a bit heavy, and I remember having to have one to one talks, with one of the ministers there, who quizzed endlessly about the Bible, and what we should learn from it, the only thing I learnt there though was that if I didn't know the Bible inside out, then I would definitely go to hell. Not the greatest thing to tell a small child.

When I was eight, I joned our local Brownies. They , and the guides and rangers were joined to the local church, and attended each Sunday service. This kind of religion was so different to me, everything was so beautiful, and calming, the music, the building, the smell of the incence, all gave me a love of the Church that has lasted to this day. At this time I remember thinking how much I would love to do what the vicar was doing, unaware at that point that women couldn't become priests in the Church of England. I remember asking the priest about it once, and he asked me if I had had "the call?" I then remember asking him what call, I assumed that he meant a phone call, like the Bishop phoning you up or something like that. I asked him what call, he replied you would know if you had had one. Being only eight years old, I couldn't get my head round it. If I didn't know what he meant by "the call", then how was I supposed to know whether I had had it or not?

Looking back, I think that it was a beginning of a call, the first time that I thought about becoming a vicar. The thought stayed with me all through my childhood, my teen years and into my adult life.

All the time it seemed to get a little stronger, the more time I gave the idea, the more it seemed to make sense, and even though I wanted to do that, felt drawn to it, I carried on my life as if I wasn't. In my mid to late twenties the thought was getting stronger and stronger, I felt a pull, something that I cant really describe in so many words, like someone had reached inside me, wrapped their hand around my heart and was gently leading me, on a journey if you like. I couldn't do anything but try to trust where I would be led, and if I was to resist, then it would probably tear my heart out from me. All of which sounds weird and scary, I suppose it was scary in a way, uncertain as to where I was going. 

Then on a day out with my mum, we visited Liverpool Anglican Cathedral.

Out of nowhere, completely unannounced, utterly surprisingly, something happened. 
To this day, I cannot quite get my head round it entirely. Everything stopped, there was no longer any sound. The Cathedral in which I was stood, was no longer visible. All there was, was golden light, like beautiful sunbeams all around, bright pinpoints of light shone and sparkled in the beams, It was as if evrything that had ever existed, and that ever would exist, was there for those few beautiful moments I felt what eternity, the universe was.
Over under and in all of it though, was Gods utter and complete love and joy. Never have I experienced such love, it was everything, all consuming, eternal, blissful and completely unconditional. 
Then I heard a voice, although I didn't hear it as such, like a thought, but not a thought, and He said what I should be doing. My first thought in all of this wasn't what I would have thought had I been given warning, but rather it was "me, you are kidding, right?" Apparently He wasn't.

Right now you probably think I am a complete and utter nutjob. Believe me, I have thought that about myself from time to time, but I think of everything that God means to me, what He has done for me, so many things I suppose could be called coincidences, but so many of them to make it extremely unlikely, and I look at myself, I am intelligent, and sane in everything else I do, so the only sane conclusion is that, God very much exists, it did happen, and I can take heart in the fact that I am more or less sane (thankfully).

There are many other things that have led me to this point (but I wont bore you with them now). Anyway a few months ago, I had lost track somewhere, I hadn't told anyone in my family, not even my other half how I felt, so I e-mailed a priest whose address I got from the local Dioscese website, and told her everything. Just getting it down into an e-mail helped immensely. She replied with most incredibly sensible advice. I sent a few more e-mails and she replied a few more times. I eventually built up the courage to tell my other half, which was surprisingly difficult. I started going to church regularly again and plan on being confirmed in the near future. Although I havn't mentioned it to the vicar yet (he must think it odd that I dont go up for communion though). And then my other half and I will get married. 

I has been lovely slowly getting to know the faces in the church and the vicar, and I really hope that he will be someone I can talk to about everything in the future.

I have started to pray regularly, and have grown to love the form of prayer in the Morning and Evening prayer from Common Worship from the Church of england. I even do the night prayer occaisionally, as it is a lovely thing to do right before bed.

It hasn't always been easy though. Sometimes it feels like God has left me, usually when I am in a strop about something, and only when I realise what I am doing wrong, or have done wrong, and attempt to put it right, does He return. I feel bereft when it happens, and somtimes it takes me longer than I would really want for me to realise what God is trying to make me see or realise. But when I do, and He returns, It is almost as if I have a better understanding of things, like I have been taught a valuable lesson. That is probably not the best way to describe it, but I cant do any better right now.

Anyway there you have it. I will hopefully be keeping this updated on everything I do from now on, in everything that happens, good and bad. and how I get on with everything. So TTFN.